Hogwarts' Next Top Witch
by WildAngels
Summary: Join Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Cho, and six other witches as they compete to be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch. Parody of America's Next Top Model.
1. Prologue

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Prologue

"Hermione, don't be ridiculous, there's no such thing as a vampire slayer!" Ron laughed. He shook his head and merrily laughed again. "Vampire slayer!"

"I didn't say one really exists - ow!" Hermione yelped as a garden gnome bit her hand. She flung it across the yard. "It's a television show."

"Television," Ron mused slowly. "I remember learning about television in Muggle Studies. My dad finds it fascinating."

"You should come over to my house to watch it sometime, Ron. I think you would like that show." Hermione grinned. "Every guy seems to fancy Buffy Summers."

"Who's Buffy Summers?" Harry had just appeared from the backyard, carrying his Firebolt and panting slightly. He had been playing Quidditch with Fred and George. "Is she in Ravenclaw? Or Hufflepuff?"

Hermione frowned. "Haven't you ever seen the show _Buffy the Vampire Slayer, _Harry?"

"Oh, that show." Harry shrugged. "I've heard of it, but I've never seen it. My aunt and uncle never let me watch the telly, remember?" After he helped Ron pry away a gnome that was desperately clinging to a vine, he announced, "I'm going in to change."

Hermione watched him go inside the house and once the door was shut, she leaned in towards Ron and whispered, "I think we should get Harry and Ginny back together."

Ron sighed. "Hermione, you know Harry doesn't want to be dating anyone and putting them in danger while He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is on the loose."

"Yes, and that's very noble of him, and I don't mean to be blunt, Ron, but your sister will be in well, mortal peril, as your mum's clock says, whether she's dating Harry or not. So they might as well be dating!" she finished brightly.

"Well, I think it's more complicated than that and we shouldn't meddle in their personal lives," Ron replied. "It's their business."

"But I know Harry still has feelings for Ginny and it's just that I feel bad for him when the three of us are together. I think he feels like a third wheel sometimes."

"It's not like we snog when he's with us!" Ron exclaimed. "Okay, there was that one time-"

"All I'm saying is that it wouldn't be such a bad thing if they were back together." Hermione casually tossed a garden gnome into the air.

Ron wiped his palms on his jeans and looked up. In the distance he could spot a brown speck in the sky, forming into an owl as it came nearer.

"I bet that's Ginny's O.W.L.s," Ron said and sprinted into the house, Hermione following him.

The spotted brown owl perched on the windowsill and sure enough tied to one of its leg was an envelope with Ginny's name written on it. Ron untied it and the owl hooted and flew off.

"I wonder what she got." Ron was tempted to open the envelope.

"Put it down, Ron, it's not for you," Hermione reprimanded him.

At that moment Fred and George came in from outside and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny had arrived by Floo Powder from Diagon Alley where they had been buying ingredients for dinner that night.

"Ginny, your O.W.L.s just came moments ago," Ron said, waving the envelope at his sister.

Ginny's face went white. "Really? So soon? I didn't think they'd be here for another week."

"Open them up dear," Mrs. Weasley encouraged her. "I'm sure you did fine."

The truth was, Ginny wasn't so sure. She probably could have spent more time studying and less time snogging Harry. Apprehensively she tore the envelope open. She sighed with relief. Except for the "P" in History of Magic, she had received an "O" in Charms and "E"s in everything else.

"How did you do?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"Do you want to hear the bad news or good news first?"

Mrs. Weasley frowned. "There's bad news?"

"I got a "P" in History of Magic…but it was the only fail grade I got!" Ginny added quickly as her mother started to frown. "And look! I got an "O" in Charms! I've got mad skills in charms!" Ginny handed her mother her O.W.L. results.

Mrs. Weasley looked them over with an approving nod. "Well, I wish you had done better in History of Magic, but everything else looks good."

"Don't you know that flunking History of Magic is a Weasley tradition, Mum?" Fred put in. "Of course, Percy broke that tradition, but George and I got it right back on track, followed by Ronniekins here, and now our dear sister keeps the tradition alive." He patted Ginny's shoulder. "Way to go, sis!"

"Actually, Mum, Ginny did quite well considering how much time she spent with Harry," said Ron.

Ginny glared at him. "I didn't spend all my time with Harry. And he did help me study, we weren't always, uh playing Quidditch," she said shooting her mum a quick glance.

Mrs. Weasley looked at her through narrowed yes.

"And anyway, Harry and I were quite tame compared to Ron and Hermione."

Hermione turned beet red and Ron exclaimed, "Ginny!"

Giggling, Ginny grabbed her O.W.L.s and dashed out of the kitchen and upstairs.

"She was just exaggerating, Mum," Ron said quickly. "You know how she likes to test your limits."

As Ginny walked towards her room, she ran into Harry who had just came out of Ron's room. "Hi, Harry!" she smiled at him brightly.

"Oh, hi, Ginny." Ever since he had had broken up with her at Dumbledore's funeral nearly a month ago, he had been afraid that any encounters with her would be awkward, but Ginny acted normal around him, as though nothing had happened between them. He was a little perplexed by this. Shouldn't she be lunging herself at him, begging him for his undying love and how she couldn't live without him? He noticed the envelope in her hand. "Are those your O.W.L.s?"

"Yep. The only failing grade I received was in History of Magic and the only people who pass that class are the ones whose names begin with 'Her' and end with '-mione.'"

Harry smiled. "Well, I guess I'll see you later, then," he said after an awkward pause. He continued downstairs and Ginny went into her room.

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Bill and Fleur came over for dinner that evening and Molly had made a large feast for the occasion. The seven Weasleys, plus Harry, Hermione, and Fleur sat around the table, all praising Molly on her honey baked ham.

"I 'ave wonderful news!" Fleur announced.

"Are you pregnant?" Molly asked faintly.

"You're changing your bridesmaid dresses?" Ginny asked hopefully.

Fleur shook her head. "_Non, non_! None of zose. I am going to 'ave my own contest! Eet weel be called 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch! Ten weetches weel compete een various tasks to see 'oo eese ze best overall weetch at 'Ogwarts." She paused dramatically. "And I 'ave given two of ze spots to you two!" she said cheerfully to Hermione and Ginny who gave each other questioning glances.

"Who else is going to be in this, uh, competition?" asked Hermione.

"Lavender Brown, Parvati and Padma Patil, Romilda Vane, Luna Lovegood, Cho Chang, Susan Bones, and Pansy Parkinson."

"Why even bother having a contest to find the best witch at 'Ogwarts, I mean Hogwarts, when we all know it's Hermione?" asked Ron.

"Ze next top weetch eesn't jeest about 'oo can make ze best potions or 'oo can recite '_Ogwarts: A 'Istory_ _mot pour mot. _Eet eese also about social skeels and overall presence. By ze end of five weeks we weel 'ave our next top weetch!"

"Five weeks!" exclaimed Hermione. "I can't go, then. I have to help Harry and Ron find the Horcruxes."

"Oh, don't worry about that." Harry waved his fork around idly. "We'll wait until you get back. I'm not really in a big hurry to save the Wizarding World, at least not right away. Might as well have a few weeks of R&R before we start destroying the Dark Lord."

"We promise we won't start without you," Ron added.

"Right!" Fleur said brightly. "I guess zat settles everyzing."


	2. Chapter 1

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Chapter 1: The Girl Who Was Almost Sorted Into Hufflepuff

_Crunk is a character from my story, "I'm Not a Muggle, Not Yet a Wizard" (that can be found under the penname MakeYouHappy), but this story isn't a sequel to that...I'm just bringing back a character I had fun with! I also borrowed some lines from Mean Girls and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and, of course, used material from ANTM._

Hermione and Ginny arrived at the lobby of the swank Russell Hotel where they would be living with the other contestants.

"Ginny! Hermione!" They heard a voice call their names the second they walked in. Luna Lovegood was waving to them from a set of plush green couches. They walked over to her and Ginny sat besides Luna and Hermione plopped down in an oversized armchair.

As Ginny and Luna chatted, Hermione looked around. Sitting across a coffee table on a matching couch were Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown. Parvati gave Hermione a small smile, but Lavender just sneered at her, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and continued her conversation with Parvati. Obviously she was still upset Ron had dumped her for Hermione.

Pansy Parkinson was asleep in the other armchair, her mouth open, a slight film of drool oozing down the corner of her mouth. In one corner, Cho Chang was sitting in a chair, her nose buried in a thick hardback book. Romilda Vane was chatting with Susan Bones and Padma Patil next to the check-in desk, Romilda shooting Ginny death glares every now and then.

"This is so exciting!" Luna said to Ginny. "I've never stayed in a Muggle hotel before."

"I imagine most of us haven't," Ginny replied. "Except for Hermione." She grinned at Hermione who nodded.

"It's so nice here," Luna said gazing around the large marble lobby. "Everything is so…spotless."

A tall, black girl with a red weave approached them. "Excuse me, are you Ginny Weasley?" she asked Ginny who nodded.

The older girl smiled, showing perfect teeth. "I figured you were a Weasley with your red hair. Hi, I'm Cyra Dickinson. I was a classmate of Bill's. You could say we were quite close during our last two years."

"Did you guys date?" Ginny asked.

Cyra giggled. "Sort of."

"Are you here for the competition?" Hermione asked.

"I sure am," Cyra smiled. "I'm a judge."

"These are my friends, Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood," Ginny introduced.

"You're pretty," Luna told Cyra.

"Thanks! I've been doing some modeling for a couple of magazines - _Vogue Witch, Spellbinder, Charmour, _that kind of thing."

"I thought you looked familiar," said Ginny. "So does Fleur know that you were once, uh, close with my brother? She engaged to Bill, you know."

"I know. And she knows Bill and I had a fling many years ago. She keeps on reminding me of her Veela heritage." Cyra laughed heartily. "But she really seems to love your brother and I'm happy for him. Bill is a great guy. We had some fun times together." She smiled fondly. "Do any of you girls have boyfriends?"

"Hermione is dating my brother, Ron." Ginny grinned.

Hermione blushed.

"The broom shed is a great place to make out," Cyra said.

Hermione blushed again, this time slightly redder.

"Well, I better go before Fleur gets here. She didn't want me meeting any of the contestants until we were properly introduced. Ciao, girls!" Cyra blew them a little kiss and left.

Fleur arrived a few moments later. "_Excuse-moi_!" she called. "Everyone follow me, _s'il vous plait. _You know 'oo you are."

The girls followed Fleur into an elevator.

"Is this where we'll be staying?" Lavender asked in awe once the elevator had stopped at the suite on the top floor.

"Eet eese indeed," Fleur said ushering them into the massive penthouse. "Zis weel be your 'ome for ze next five weeks."

"Look at all this Muggle stuff." Luna ran a hand over a shiny black stereo system.

"Now, since we are een a Muggle 'otel, I weel need all of your wands. You weel get zem back when zey are needed for ze competition."

There was a collective grumble as the girls handed their wands to Fleur.

"Everyone geet settled een. Zere are zree rooms. One of zem 'as four beds and ze ozzer two 'ave zree beds. Een ten minutes, I want you in ze room down ze hall so you can meet ze ozzer judges and ze can meet you." With a toss of her shiny blonde hair, Fleur turned and left.

The ten young witches glanced around at each other. Hermione immediately paired up with Ginny and Luna. Lavender, Parvati, and Padma took Romilda under their wing and that left Cho, Pansy, and Susan in the last room.

Ten minutes later they met Fleur and the other two judges in the judging room.

"Allo." Fleur smiled at the contestants who lined up in front of her. "And welcome to 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch! I'd like to introduce you to your judges. On my left eese aspiring model, Cyra Dickinson."

"Heeyy!" Cyra waved at the group and gave Ginny and Hermione a small wink.

"And on my right," Fleur continued with a tight smile, "eese Professor Pervin Crunk 'oo used to teach Intimate Relations at 'Ogwarts two years ago."

All the girls gasped in horror, but no one as much as Hermione who still had horrible, horrible nightmares about her fifth year Intimate Relations class. Pervin had a son, Mervin a Slytherin, who was also in the class and not only was he incredibly horny, but he also had the hots for Hermione. Luckily, he was transferred to Pig Snout's Academy, an all wizard's boarding school in Northern England after he was caught filming in the Slytherin girl's bathroom with his WizardCam. As for Professor Crunk, he got the can when he took his students to a club to learn how to pick up "studly wizards and hot witches."

"Hello, sexy ladies." Crunk gave a sleazy grin as though he were a cat in a canary shop.

"What a creep," Hermione heard Lavender whisper to Parvati. "No wonder he was fired!"

"Now I'd like all of you to introduce yourselves," Fleur said to the Hogwarts students. "We'll start weeth you." She nodded at Romilda who stepped forward.

"My name is Romilda Vane and I'm a Gryffindor at Hogwarts. I'll be a fifth year next year - if Hogwarts doesn't close. I'd just like to say how fabulous everyone here is - except for a certain redheaded fugly slutch with the initials G.W."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "I am not fugly!" she retorted. "And I'm also not a slutch."

"What's a slutch?" asked Luna distantly.

"Slutty witch," replied Pansy.

"Oh…that's not nice." Luna frowned.

"Just because I've had three boyfriends in the last two and a half years doesn't mean I'm the Hogwarts Hoochie Mama!" Ginny put her hands on her hips. "And Neville Longbottom doesn't count! I never dated him! We went to the Yule Ball as friends."

"Zank you, Ginny," Fleur said with an annoyed tone. "I zink we've 'ad your introduction. Next!"

Lavender came forward and gave the judges a dazzling smile. "My name is Lavender Brown, Gryffindor, and I don't think there exists a human word to describe how fabulous I am!" She shook her hair. "I'm sorry people hate me because I'm so popular."

"I don't think that's why people hate you," Hermione muttered under her breath. She introduced herself next. "I'm Hermione Granger and I love all the classes I take at Hogwarts except for Divinations which I dropped. I also don't get the appeal of Quidditch."

"I remember you," Pervin said with a leery grin. "You're going to be my future daughter-in-law."

"Eww!" shrieked Hermione. She pushed Cho in front of her.

"Well, I guess I'm next," said Cho. "My name is Cho Chang and -"

"Cho, that's an unusual name," Cyra said with a smile.

"Actually, it's a very common name in Western China," Cho replied snottily. "I graduated at the top of my House, Ravenclaw and I was a Seeker for the Ravenclaw Quidditch team."

"Zank you girls," Fleur said after Luna, Susan, Parvati, Padma, and Pansy had introduced themselves. "Ze competition weel begin tomorrow!"

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The next morning the girls woke up to find a purple envelope propped up on the coffee table. Lavender picked it up, opened it, and pulled out a purple note card.

"What does it say?" Padma asked.

"Seven-Three-One-Eight-Oh," Lavender read. She frowned. "I wonder what that means?"

The girls found out what the mysterious number meant when they met Fleur at Azkaban later that day.

"Some of you may be wondering what ze number I sent you means. Weel, right 'ere een zis cell-" she gestured to the small, empty chamber they were standing before, "eese where Helga Hufflepuff's grandson, Horace Hufflepuff, spent twenty years for being wrongfully accused of being a Deeth Eater before 'e was found innocent and set free. Zat number was 'is cell number. I zink eet eese very important for a top weetch to know about 'er school's 'istory. Zat eese why we are 'ere today. I 'ave ze key. Would anyone like to open ze cell?"

Luna, who was standing near the front and looking in awe, raised her hand. Fleur smiled and handed her the key. As Luna opened the door, Hermione noticed that Susan had a sour look on her face. She soon found out why on the ride back to the hotel.

"Luna, I'm sorry, but I thought it was very rude when you volunteered to open the cell," Susan said.

"Why?" asked Luna. "I don't understand."

"That was a cell of a prominent Hufflepuff, and being the only Hufflepuff here, I thought that I should have opened the door." Susan leaned back in her seat, folder her arms, and pouted.

Cho, who was sitting next to Susan, turned to her and said, "So just because you're the only Hufflepuff among us, that gives you the right to open his cell?"

"Yes!" Susan said brashly. "I have the most emotional connection to Horace Hufflepuff as I am the only Hufflepuff in this competition! I should have opened the cell!"

"I was almost sorted into Hufflepuff," Luna offered. "The Sorting Hat told me I'd be a wonderful asset to that House, but thought I'd be more suited for Ravenclaw."

"What does it really matter who opened the cell?" inquired Hermione. "I mean, we're all Hogwarts students, this isn't about Houses."

"All I'm saying is that -" Susan started to say, but was interrupted by Ginny who was sitting in front of her. "SHUUUUUT UPPPPP!" she screamed at Susan. Growing up with six older brothers, she was quite used at saying those two words.

For the rest of the ride home, nobody spoke about the incident again.

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Their fist task involved taking a test covering the history of Hogwarts. As Fleur put it, "eet eese very important zat 'Ogwarts Next Top Weetch know about ze 'istory of 'er school."

Hermione was thrilled, after all she had memorized _Hogwarts: A History. _The other girls, however, weren't very excited about taking a one hundred question multiple choice test covering everything there was to know about the school they attended.

The following day was the first elimination and the ten contestants lined up in front of Fleur, Cyra, and Crunk.

"I 'ave ten beautiful weetches een front of me. Nine of you weel be moving on and one of you weel be going 'ome today. We 'ave graded your tests. 'Ermione, congratulations, you 'ave scored ze 'ighest!"

"Surprise, surprise." Pansy muttered as Hermione stepped forward to retrieve her 100 test.

"As ze winner of zis task, 'ere eese a gift certificate to 'Oneydukes at 'Ogsmeade."

Fleur continued handing back tests until Pansy and Susan were the last two standing.

"Weel Pansy and Susan step forward," Fleur requested with a solemn voice. The two girls glanced at each other and took a step. "You two got ze lowest scores on ze test, but one girl did five point better zan ze ozzer…and zat eese Pansy."

Pansy looked relieved as she joined the others who would be moving on to the next round. Susan was crestfallen at being the first one eliminated and shed a fear tears as she hugged everyone good-bye.

Nine girls remain….WHO will be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?


	3. Chapter 2

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Chapter 2: The Girl Who Wants To Ride Harry's Firebolt

_I stole Luna's outfit from a Baby-Sitters Club book, I was looking for a crazy Claudia Kishi original, hence the joke Hermione makes.  
_

"How are you at transfiguration? Be ready to find out at 9 AM sharp," Padma read from a purple note card when the witches came back from their first elimination.

"I wonder what we'll have to do?" pondered Parvati. "Change an ottoman into a pouffy dog? A cotton ball into a Pygmy Puff?"

----------------------------------------------------

The next morning the girls met Fleur and Cyra in the hotel lobby and they walked a couple of blocks until they ended up at…

"A salon!" exclaimed Hermione.

They followed Fleur inside, Cyra bringing up the rear.

The girls exchanged confused glances and whispers as they gathered around Fleur, who was grinning widely. "As a top weetch, eet eese very important to always look your best. Now I know not everyone can be born part-Veela like moi-" she shook her shiny hair, "but today eese your lucky day - you're all getting makeovers!"

Eight excited squeals elicited from the girls. Hermione immediately shot her hand up in the air. "Excuse me, but I don't understand what looks have to do with being a great witch. Helga Hufflepuff and Rowena Ravenclaw were some of the greatest sorceresses of our times. I've seen their portraits and they were no beauty queens."

"_Oui, oui, oui_," Fleur said impatiently. "But een zis day and age, image eese _tré s _important. Plus, I zink you weel be very excited what we 'ave planned for you. Cyra?"

"Hermione, we're going to get rid of that mess in your hair-"

"Hey!" exclaimed Hermione, putting a hand on her bushy brown hair.

"-and we're going to make it sleek and shiny, more manageable for your boyfriend to run his fingers through it."

"Ron eese going to love eet," Fleur added.

"Ron likes my hair just the way it is now," Hermione replied softly, but nobody heard her.

Cyra continued: "Cho, we're going to give you a really funky asymmetrical cut and add bangs. It's going to make you look FIERCE! Luna, we want you to loose that long, scraggly hair! It is coming off, girlfriend!" She waved her hand and snapped her fingers. "We're going to style your hair in the Manhattan Mohawk - it's all the rage now in New York among young witches. And since you have really strong features, you're going to be able to pull it off like nobody's business! Parvati, we're going to cut off that damn braid - it has GOT to go!"

Parvati whimpered and clutched her long braid.

"Pansy, we're going to do something really drastic with you and make you a blonde. Your features are too harsh with your dark hair and I think if we lighten your hair they will soften a bit. We're also going to give you a cute pixie cut."

Pansy wrinkled her nose at the idea of "cute" but seemed happy about going blonde.

"Lavender, we're also making you blonde, but not just any blonde, ice blonde, almost the color of Fleur's hair. It's going to make your blue eyes POP!"

Lavender squealed excitedly.

"Ginny-"

"You're not going to make me a blonde too, are you?" Ginny asked uncertainly.

Cyra laughed. "Oh, no, we could never get rid of your trademark Weasley hair. We are, however, going to add some golden highlights to it - it's going to be really pretty. We're also going to add some romantic curls to it. Romilda, we're going to add some highlights and extensions to your hair. And finally, Miss Padma, we have thought about you, and we have decided girl, that you are fierce. And we ain't doing nothing to you!"

"Hey, that's not fair!" exclaimed Parvati. She was still clutching her braid.

"Now let me introduce you to your 'air stylist and make up artiste." Fleur pulled on the arm of a very small, very orange man. Hermione was immediately reminded of an Oompa Loompa from _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. _"Zis eese Ray Samuel and 'e and 'is team are going to make you all bee-yoo-tee-ful today. 'Ave fun!"

"Hello, girls," Ray said in a highly feminine voice. "Why don't you all find a seat and we'll get started on your new looks. Oh, you're all going to look fabulous!"

As Hermione watched her bushy hair transform right in front of her eyes, she could hear commotion all around her. Lavender and Pansy were both shrieking in pain at the chemicals put in their hair to make them blonde. Parvati was refusing to have her braid cut.

"No! I've had this plait since I was five years old! You can't cut it! I won't let you!"

"Fine, fine!" Parvati's hair stylist threw up her hands in surrender.

"Well, how do you like it?" Hermione's stylist asked when she was finished.

Hermione stared at the reflection in the mirror in amazement. The image staring back was almost a stranger. She fingered a strand of her newly sleek and shiny hair. "It's quite a change, but I like it."

"I think it looks great on you!"

When all the makeovers were completed, the girls admired each other.

"Hermione! I love your hair!" Ginny exclaimed. "And I know somebody else in my family who will love it." She grinned wickedly.

"I love your hair!" Hermione replied. "You look great with curls."

Ginny shook her hair. "I know, right?"

"You all look wonderful!" Fleur clapped her hands. "Ze next elimination eese tomorrow afternoon and you weel be judged on your new look. Each of you weel receive 250 Galleons to go shopping and pick out a new outfit between now and tomorrow."

"_Au revoir_, witches," Cyra called as she left with Fleur.

"Two hundred and fifty Galleons!" Ginny exclaimed to Hermione and Luna as each girl was handed a burgundy velvet pouch. "I've never seen this much money in my life!"

But Hermione was frowning. "They're going to judge us on who has the best hair, make-up, and wardrobe? What do they think this is? A modeling competition?"

"Oh, who cares?" cried Ginny. "We get to buy new clothes! C'mon, let's go shopping now!" She linked arms with her two friends.

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"I say we try the Kumquat Republic first, then go to the Crevice," Ginny mapped out. "Oh, and also British Owl."

The girls tried on different outfits and modeled them for each other.

"Hermione, I think you should try this on," Ginny commented holding up a pink zip-up hoodie. "I think the color would really compliment you."

Hermione fiercely shook her head. "Pink? No, thanks. I'm not a pink girl."

"What about this?" Luna suggested holding up a rainbow printed belt.

"Ugh, no thanks."

In the end Hermione chose black slacks with a light blue blouse and a blue argyle sweater vest to wear over it. The saleswoman called her look "chicly intelligent."

Ginny had trouble deciding on her perfect outfit, but settled on a pink pleated corduroy skirt with a white lace blouse and a beige corduroy jacket. Luna came out of her dressing room wearing a wide grin and a bright yellow oversize man's jacket with rolled-up sleeves, a wide paisley tie right out of the 1960s, orange stirrup pants, ankle boots and huge hoop earrings.

"Oh my," was the only thing Ginny could think of to say.

"It's Claudia Kishi!" Hermione joked.

"Who?" Ginny and Luna asked simultaneously.

"Never mind."

As they paid for their new clothes, they could hear Pansy Parkinson bitching in the dressing room. "My hips are too wide! I can't get those pants on!"

"Perhaps you'd like something in a bigger size?" they heard a saleswoman suggest.

"No!" Pansy snapped. "I'm not fat…I just need to loose a few extra pounds."

Hermione and Ginny tried to keep their snickering to a minimum as they left the shop with Luna.

"Let's get some coffee at Starbucks!" Ginny proposed. "All that shopping has made me craving a caramel mocha."

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Harry and Ron had come back to the Burrow from swimming in the lake to find Fred and George dancing and singing to a song.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Go totally crazy! Forget I'm a lady! Men's shirts, short skirts! Oh! Oh! Oh! Go really wild! Yeah, doing it in style! Oh! Oh! Oh! Get in the action! Feel the attraction! Color my hair! Do what I dare! Oh! Oh! Oh! I wanna be free, yeah, to feel the way I feel! MAN! I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!"

"What the hell?" Ron could barely utter the words.

Harry spotted Hermione's portable CD player perched on a small mahogany table. George noticed Harry and Ron and turned off the music.

"Welcome to the par-tay!"

"What the hell are you listening to?" Ron demanded.

"Sounds like Shania Twain," Harry offered helpfully.

"George and I were in Ginny's room because we were trying to find our exploding teacups that we know she took," Fred explained. "We didn't find them, but we did find that." He pointed to the CD player. "We discovered that if you insert these circular discs in them, they play music!" He turned the music back on and he and George continued dancing.

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"I wonder what Harry and Ron are doing right now?" Hermione wondered out loud as she sat at a round table with Ginny and Luna at Starbucks, sipping her vanilla latte.

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"Oh when you walk by every night, talking sweet and looking fine, I get kinda hectic inside!" Harry sang.

"Oh, baby I'm so into you, darling if you only knew all the things that flow through my mind!" Ron crooned back.

"But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby…" they sang together.

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It was Lavender's idea for everyone to play Truth or Dare that evening. She suggested it after dinner.

"What's that?" asked Pansy.

"It's a game my Muggle cousin taught me. You pick a person and ask them to choose truth or dare. If they select truth, they must answer the question they are given, truthfully, duh. If they opt for dare, they must do the dare they are given."

"Sounds interesting," Romilda said as the girls found places in the living room.

"I don't know..." Hermione said uncertainly.

"Oh, come on, it will be fun!" Lavender plopped herself down on the couch between Parvati and Padma. "I'll start…Hermione, truth or dare?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Truth, I guess."

"Have you and Ron shagged yet?"

"Well, I can see what kind of game this is going to be like," Ginny said.

Hermione went bright red. "What? No! Of course not! We've only been dating a couple weeks. What do you take me for?"

"Okay, now it's your turn," Lavender said.

"Um, okay. Luna…truth or dare?"

"Which one should I choose? Which is the right one?"

"It doesn't matter," said Lavender. "There is no right or wrong."

"Then I will choose truth."

"Uh…what did you get on your O.W.L.s?"

"Oh, please," scoffed Lavender. "That's the lamest question ever! Come on, Hermione, you can think of something better. Honestly!"

Hermione sighed exasperatedly. "Fine, fine. Okay, Luna, uh, who was the first boy you kissed?"

"My neighbor, Zack McKay. We was five," Luna replied.

"Okay, Luna, now it's your turn," Lavender said.

"Pansy, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Pansy replied boldly.

"Okay, I dare you to uh…" Luna looked around the room. "I dare you to go out on the balcony and lift up your shirt for thirty seconds."

The other girls giggled.

"Good one, Luna!" said Romilda.

"Fine, I'll do it!" Pansy got up and headed over to the glass sliding door. She lifted up her shirt and yawned. "La, la, la. My shirt is up. La, la, la. This is really stupid."

"Okay, you can come back in now," Hermione, who had been keeping time with her watch, called.

Pansy came back and took her seat back down on the floor. "Ginny, truth or dare?" she asked with a sinister smile.

"Truth," Ginny said hesitantly.

"Out of the following, who would you rather shag: Hagrid, the giant squid, or Draco Malfoy?"

Ginny stared at her. "You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me."

"Okay, I'll throw in another choice: Ron Weasley."

"Eww, that's my brother, you sick freak!"

"Hagrid, the giant squid, Draco, or Ron? Whose it going to be?"

"IguessMalfoy," Ginny mumbled.

"What's that? I didn't hear you."

"I guess Malfoy," Ginny repeated louder. "But only by default. There's no way in Valhalla I'd ever shag the others." She shuddered. "I can't believe you made me answer that!" She grabbed the TV remote from the coffee table and threw it at Pansy.

"Ow!" exclaimed Pansy. "You are a mean girl!"

"You're the one to talk, Slytherin! Okay, Hermione, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Would you ever consider being in a three-way with Ron and Harry?" Ginny giggled.

"No! I'm not that kind of person!"

"What? Harry isn't good enough for you?" Ginny demanded in a mock hurt voice.

"I'd have a three-way with Harry and Ron," Romilda volunteered.

"Good to know," Hermione replied. "Lavender, truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

"All right, I dare you to make out with Parvati."

Ooh, nice one, Granger." Lavender grinned.

"She wants us to what?" Parvati squeaked.

"Oh, don't be such a baby." Lavender leaned in towards her friend and they softly brushed lips.

"It's too bad Ron's not here," Ginny snorted. "He would have really enjoyed seeing this."

"Parvati, truth or dare?" Lavender asked.

"Um, truth."

"Who's a better kisser: Dean, Seamus, or me?"

Parvati laughed. Probably you." She next posed the question to her sister. Padma chose truth.

"Who do you fancy?" Parvati giggled.

"Um, I change my mind…I choose dare!"

"No, you have to answer!" shrieked Lavender.

"Okay, fine! I like Justin Finch-Fletchley."

Cho snorted. "Isn't he gay?"

"Isn't he a Hufflepuff?" inquired Pansy.

"Romilda, truth or dare?" Padma asked, annoyed.

"Truth."

"Who do you think is the cutest boy at Hogwarts?"

"Harry Potter, duh." She giggled. "Too bad he broke up with you, Ginny…and you too, Cho."

"Ron is so much cuter than Harry!" Lavender snapped. "If Harry hadn't saved the world a lot of times, he wouldn't be so special then!"

"What EVER!" Cho shouted. "Cedric was the hottest guy who ever went to Hogwarts. I mean, you know, besides Oliver Wood," she added as an afterthought.

"I've got news for you, sweetie, Cedric is dead," Pansy said snidely. "And anyway, everyone knows that Draco is the hottest guy in school. Even Ginny agrees with me seeing as she wants to shag him!"

Cho burst into tears, Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Uh, isn't only Romilda suppose to answer this question?" asked Hermione.

"It's my turn!" announced Romilda. "Ginny, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever ridden Harry's Firebolt?" Romilda smirked.

Ginny leaned back against the ottoman and crossed her arms. "Wouldn't you like to know?" she smirked back.

"You have to answer the question!" Lavender shouted.

"Of course I haven't," Ginny replied innocently.

"I'd like to go for a ride on Harry's Firebolt," Romilda stated.

"Um, okay, then."

The game continued until the girls became tired and went to bed.

-----------------------------------------

At the next elimination, the girls all came into the judging room donning their new clothes.

"Good afternoon," Fleur greeted them. She was wearing a gorgeous gray silk dress. "Let me introduce you to your judges once again. On my left eese ze beautiful Cyra Dickinson, and on my right eese Professor Crunk -"

"I have a special friend today," he announced as he stroked a Pekingese sitting on a small red velvet pillow. "This is Creampuff."

"-and last but not least, we 'ave a special guest judge, your make-up artiste, Monsieur Samuels."

"You girls all look so beautiful," Ray gushed. "Ooh, nice skirt, witch friend," he said complimenting Cho's leather skirt.

"I agree - you all look magnificent," Fleur said. "Although more some zan ozzers. I 'ave nine beautiful weetches een front of me. Only eight of you weel move on to ze next round and one of you weel be asked to pack your belongings and leave." Fleur paused. "'Ermione, congratulations, you're still een ze running to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch and as ze winner of zis round, you 'ave won a date weeth…" She paused dramatically. "'Arry Potter!"

"A what with who?" asked Hermione.

"That's not fair! She won last time!" Lavender bitched.

"I want to win a date with Harry Potter! She gets to see him all the time anyway," Romilda whined.

"We feel 'Ermione 'as been ze most approved een terms of appearance and zat eese why she won," Fleur explained.

"I think Ginny should win. She should go on a date with Harry," Hermione offered graciously.

"Oh, no, Hermione, you won this fair and square," Ginny replied.

"Eet was close between you two," agreed Fleur. "Ginny, congratulations, you're still een ze running to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch."

Fleur kept calling names until only Luna and Parvati were left.

"Weel Luna and Parvati please step forward? Parvati, we zink your outfit eese wonderful, but we were very disappointed zat you wouldn't let us cut your braid."

"You were near tears," Cyra interjected. "Is your braid really that important? It's just hair you know. It will grow back."

Tears were starting to well in Parvati's eyes. "I've had it since I was five," she sniveled.

"It's okay, shh, you don't need to cry, honey."

"Luna, you are ze opposite," Fleur continued. "We absolutely love your new look…you were brave to agree to go along weeth somezing different, but your outfit-"

"Girlfriend, what were you thinking?" asked Ray. "It looks like you got changed in the dark. Are you colorblind?"

Luna looked down at her eccentric outfit. "Well, I like it!"

"Oui, well, even zough you still need some style tips, at least you were willing to take a risk, so Luna, congratulations, you're still een ze running to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch."

Hermione was relieved and warmly hugged her friend.

Parvati waved a tearful goodbye and left.

Eight girls remain….WHO will be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?


	4. Chapter 3

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Chapter 3: The Girl Who Mutilated the Precious Brownies

_ I stole some scenes from Elf because I love that movie so very, very, very much. Also, the ANTM recaps at "Television Without Pity" were a major help in writing this chapter as the brownie incident really did happen in Cycle 3. I had a little too much fun writing Yaya!Cho .  
_

"Hermione? Is that you?" A stunned Harry Potter looked in astonishment at the girl who slid in the booth across from him.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "No, I'm just some random girl sitting at your booth."

"You look different…did you do something with your hair?"

"Nothing gets past you, does it Harry?"

"What's with the snide remarks? What am I, Ron?"

"Sorry," Hermione mumbled as a waitress came by to take their drink orders.

"So how's the future Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?"

"What I want to know is how Fleur got you to agree to go on a date with the winner of this round. You could have been wining and dining with Romilda Vane, you know."

"Actually, it was Ron who volunteered me. You know how Fleur can work her Veela charm on him." Harry grinned.

"Yeah, I'll have to have a little chat with him," muttered Hermione. "So what are you and Ron up to?"

"Oh, not much. We're spending most of our time playing Quidditch or swimming or hanging out with Fred and George." Harry put down his menu. "So tell me, how is it living with nine other girls?"

"Seven," Hermione corrected. "There have been two eliminations so far. To sum it up, Pansy is a slob, Romilda is a spoiled brat who thinks she doesn't have to do anything because she's the youngest, Lavender always has to make snide remarks about me every chance she gets, and Cho is the most pretentious twit I have ever met. No offense, Harry, but whatever did you see in her?"

"Hey, I was young and stupid back then," Harry defended himself.

"Actually it's a very common name in Western China," Hermione mimicked.

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Oh, by the way, Romilda wants to have a three-way with you and Ron and she also wants to ride your Firebolt."

Harry choked on his water. "What?"

The waitress came back with their drinks and Harry and Hermione ordered their meals.

"You'll never guess who one of the judges is," Hermione said once the waitress had left with their menus.

"Who?"

"I'll give you a hint….he's one of our former professors."

Harry's eyes filled with rage. "Snape? Why didn't you tell me? You know we've been trying to find him ever since he killed Dumbledore."

"No, it's not Snape," Hermione replied irritably. "Come on, Harry, do you really think Snape, who's a fugitive right now, would come out of hiding so he can judge some witch competition? It's Crunk."

"Our fifth year Intimate Relations professor?"

"That's the one."

Harry suddenly started laughing. "Remember the time when he had you and Mervin role playing a couple who had to discuss if they were ready for sex?"

Hermione glared at him. "Actually, what I remember most about that class is when Snape substituted and he had you and Malfoy role play two friends and you had to show Malfoy how to use a rubber."

Harry immediately stopped laughing. That had been one of the worst moments of his existence, besides his parents being killed by Voldemort, of course. "Oh, hey, you might be seeing me again," he told Hermione. "Ron too. Fleur's asked us if we'd be interested in playing Quidditch against you lot."

Hermione's face went white. "You mean we might have to play Quidditch? Oh, no."

"Well everyone knows that Hogwarts' Next Top Witch must be able to play Quidditch!" Harry grinned.

-----------------------------------

"Would you look at this mess?" exclaimed Lavender as she entered the kitchen followed by Padma and Romilda, the latter who had taken to following Lavender around like an obedient puppy. There were dirty dishes piled in the sink, flour and egg yolks were all over the counter, and smears of chocolate covered the stove.

"Looks like Pansy made this mess, those are her low-fat brownies." Padma pointed to the culprit cooling next to the oven.

"Of course it was Pansy," Lavender snapped. "She's the only one here who refuses to clean without magic, that spoiled Slytherin bitch. I'm surprised she even attempted to cook without magic."

"Somebody should teach her a lesson," Romilda muttered.

Lavender's eyes landed on a knife lying next to the pan of brownies. "You're right, Romilda," she decided. She marched over to the brownies, grabbed the knife and began to carve a special message for Pansy in the brownies.

"Clean your shit," Romilda giggled reading Lavender's craftsmanship.

"Maybe she'll get the message now," Lavender smirked as she tossed the knife into the sink. "Who's up for a game of Uno?"

The three girls went into the living room and sat around the coffee table as Lavender shuffled the cards. They had found the card game the first night and Hermione had taught everyone how to play and now most of the girls were addicted to it.

They had been playing for ten minutes when they saw Pansy walk down the hall from her room and towards the kitchen.

"Damn, I need a blue, where are all the blues?" Romilda complained as she kept adding cards to her hand after Padma had changed the color when she had put down a WILD card.

Lavender nodded her head towards Pansy who had walked into the kitchen. Romilda began giggling.

"Shhh!" Lavender hissed.

A few seconds later they heard an angry shriek. "Hey!" Pansy appeared in the doorway, her hands on her hips, glaring at them. "Who touched my brownies?" The three girls continued to innocently play cards.

Lavender looked up at her, unblinkingly. "What are you talking about, Pansy?"

"Somebody left me a message in my brownies. They wrote "clean your shit" with their fingers. How gross! I don't go around putting my fingers in other people's food."

"Are you sure they used their fingers?" Romilda asked but Lavender jabbed her in the side with her elbow.

Pansy glared at them. "Well, do you know who did it?"

Lavender shrugged nonchalantly. "No idea, sorry."

"Well, I'm going to go find the perpetrator and give them a piece of my mind."

"You do that, Pansy," Lavender said in a bored voice.

As soon as Pansy whipped around and marched down the hall, Lavender grabbed a pillow to muffle her laughter.

Pansy barged into the room that Hermione, Ginny, and Luna shared. Ginny was lying on her bed reading _Witch Style _and Luna was sitting cross-legged on hers, leaning against the headboard, writing in a journal. Both girls looked at Pansy.

"Can't you knock?" Ginny asked irritably.

"Did one of you write on my brownies?" Pansy interrogated.

"Huh?" said Ginny.

"What do you mean?" asked Luna. "With a pen?"

"No!" exclaimed Pansy. "Somebody wrote a nasty message for me in my brownies with their fingers or something. They told me to clean my shit."

Ginny tried not to laugh out loud. "Well, it wasn't me!"

"Yeah, well, you're the one who's jealous of me because I'm dating Draco and you're not."

"_Excuse me?" _Ginny asked in a repulsed voice. "You think I have the hots for Draco fucking Malfoy? Are you kidding me? Get real!"

"Well, somebody wrote in my brownies! That message didn't just magically appear!" Pansy snapped.

"Well, we are witches," Luna pointed out sensibly.

"Shut up, Loony Lunatic!"

"Hey, don't call her that!" Ginny shouted at Pansy.

"SHUT UP!" Pansy screamed.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Ginny screamed back.

"What the hell is going on?" An annoyed Cho had appeared besides Pansy in the doorframe. Lavender, Padma, and Romilda had also heard the screaming match and were now coming over to witness the smack down.

"She-" Pansy pointed an accusing finger at Ginny, "-put her grimy little fingers all over my brownies!"

"No, I didn't!" exclaimed Ginny. "But I wish I had! Whoever did do it is brilliant! Maybe you _should _clean your shit! You don't do anything around here!"

"You know what I think?" Cho said. "I think we need to have an emergency meeting. As soon as Hermione comes back from her date with The Boy Who Scored More than Draco Malfoy -"

"Hey, was that a jab at me?" Pansy furiously turned to face Cho. "Were you the one who mutilated my brownies?"

Cho snorted. "I may despise you, but writing snide remarks in other people's food is beneath me."

------------------------------------

When Hermione came back to the suite, all the girls were silently sitting around the living room. Lavender, Romilda, and Padma were lined up on one couch looking bored; Ginny and Luna sat on the other couch, Ginny on one end flipping through her magazine and Luna on the other end, staring dreamily into space. Pansy slouched in an armchair, her arms folded, glaring ahead. Cho was pacing up and down the room.

"Uh, what's going on?" Hermione asked cautiously.

"How was your date with your boyfriend's sister's ex-boyfriend?" Romilda asked with a smirk.

"Have a seat, Hermione," Cho said, ignoring Romilda. "I've decided that we needed an emergency meeting."

"Uh, did something happen while I was gone?" Hermione asked as she took a seat between Ginny and Luna.

"Yes," Cho said, "we had a little incident with someone writing a nasty message in Pansy's brownies with their fingers."

"And nobody has confessed to it yet!" Pansy cut in.

"I've noticed something that's been missing every since we all started living together," Cho stated. She stopped pacing and perched on the arm of the couch, next to Padma. "See my shirt?" She pointed at her black t-shirt which had "RESPEITO" written across it in big white block letters. "It says "hay-spay-tu," she said pronouncing the word phonetically and in an exaggerated accent. "It means 'respect' in Portuguese. And that's what we seem to be missing in this house: respect. Now I agree that Pansy could be doing more of her share of the work around here, but sticking your finger in other people's food just shows a lack of immaturity and a lack of respect."

"And somebody needs to apologize!" Pansy interjected.

"Okay, fine, I did it," Lavender confessed. "But it was only a joke, sheesh. And I used a knife, I didn't put my fingers in your brownies, so don't get all bent out of shape. I didn't expect you to react so violently, I'd thought you'd find it funny too."

"Well, I didn't!" snapped Pansy.

"Yeah, I can see that now," Lavender muttered under her breath.

"You know, some people think it's funny to kill people. That doesn't make it funny," Pansy retorted.

The other girls stared at her. A cricket chirped.

"How can you even compare that to a pan of brownies?" asked Lavender. "Calm down! I'm sorry you have no sense of humor. And it's not like I ruined your brownies, you can still eat them. I didn't pee in them or anything!"

Pansy looked revolted. "That isn't the point!"

Cho seemed to like to hear herself talk for she couldn't keep quiet. "There are obviously many different levels of maturity and experiences in this house. We are not the same kinds of people, but respect - HAY-SPAY-TU - is the issue. Lavender, apologize to Pansy."

"Who died and made you boss?" Romilda mouthed off.

Cho glared at her. "Well, I _am _the oldest."

"Sorry, Pansy," mumbled Lavender. "I'm so sorry I touched your precious brownies and I promise I will never touch anything of yours again."

"Well, that went well," Hermione muttered under her breath.

-------------------------------------

The next morning Arthur woke up Ron and Harry before they wanted to be woken up.

"Oi! Dad!" Ron rubbed his eyes and sat up. "It's not even eight o'clock yet."

"Get dressed, lads!" Arthur said cheerfully. "I've decided that we're going to Muggle London today. We can visit your sister and Hermione at that Muggle hotel they're staying at. Wouldn't that be fun? It will be a Muggle filled day!"

Harry sat up now too and saw that Arthur was wearing khaki pants with an orange polyester blazer and a Grateful Dead t-shirt. "How do I look, Harry? Will I fit in with the other Muggles?"

"Uh, er, actually," Harry scratched the back of his head. "A t-shirt and jeans would probably be more appropriate."

"Right you are!" Arthur nodded approvingly. "Good thing I have you around, Harry! Come on now, let's get a move on!"

He left the room and Ron fell back into his bed and groaned.

Ten minutes later they were dressed in shorts and t-shirts (orange for Ron, blue for Harry) and met Arthur in the kitchen. Ron started to reach for a box of Magical Lucky Charms, but Arthur shook his head.

"I thought we'd eat breakfast in London! Wouldn't that be fun?"

Ron looked at Harry and shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

Once they had transported to the train station, Arthur traded his Galleons for pounds, then they boarded the train that was headed to Muggle London. A large sign clearly started that NO WANDS OR OTHER MAGICAL DEVICES were allowed for use once they reached their destination.

"Look at all the cars!" Arthur said excitedly once they had reached London and were trying to find a place to eat. Arthur stopped in front of a newsstand. "Amazing! Their pictures don't even move!"

"Dad, people are starting to stare," Ron said in the corner of his mouth. "Come on, let's eat there." He pointed to a restaurant a few stores down and the three wizards headed inside.

"Hi!" a petite, pleasant blonde greeted them. "Three of you today?"

"Yes!" Arthur replied, finding it hard to contain his enthusiasm as he looked around the restaurant with all the Muggles eating their breakfast. Several of them had some strange rectangular things pressed to their ear. Arthur was dying to find out what those were!

The girl grinned back. "Would you like smoking or non?"

"Smoking what?" asked Arthur.

"Uh, non," Harry said quickly. "None of us are smokers."

"Alright, follow me then."

Harry, Ron, and Arthur followed the girl and she showed them a booth. Harry and Ron sat across from Mr. Weasley. The girl handed them their menus and poured them some water. "Your waitress will be with you in a few minutes."

"Thank you!" Arthur said. He leaned forward and whispered to Harry, "Harry, who is that man talking to? He's sitting by himself!"

Harry followed Arthur's gaze to a table where a man in a business suit was drinking coffee and talking rapidly into a mobile.

"Oh, that's a mobile phone," Harry explained. "You know, it's like a telephone, but it's portable."

"Fascinating!" exclaimed Arthur. "Those Muggles are just so smart!" He chuckled as he opened his menu. "Mmmmm! Everything looks so good! I don't know what to get!"

"Why don't we all order something different so we can share?" suggested Ron.

So Ron ordered the waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, Harry got the biscuits and gravy, and Arthur requested the ham and cheese omelet with pancakes on the side.

"Would you like syrup with your pancakes, sir?" their plump waitress asked Arthur as she brought over the steaming plates piled with food and set them in front of them.

Arthur's eyes lit up. "Yes, please! I love syrup! Syrup is my favorite!"

The waitress chuckled as she set three small bottles in front of him. "We have maple, apricot, and blueberry! Enjoy!"

"It's amazing that they cooked all this food without magic!" Ron said in a low voice. "Simply astonishing!"

"Mmmmm mmmm!" Arthur said as he poured the maple syrup all over his pancakes. He then proceeded to pour the apricot and blueberry syrup over them as well. Harry watched in horror as he next started to pour the blueberry syrup over his omelet.

"Mr. Weasley, people don't normally eat -"

But it was too late. The syrup was now all over the omelet. Arthur stabbed a piece with his fork and took a bite. "Mmmmmmm!" He swallowed and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "After lunch, I was thinking we could go to one of those places where Muggles shop, what are they called?"

"A department store?" Harry offered.

"Yes!" said Arthur. "We can ride the scesulator and maybe buy something nice for the girls when we visit them, like a house warming present!"

"Okay," Ron agreed.

"Don't you just love this music?" Arthur asked as the Spice Girls played over the sound system. "I wonder what a zigazag-ah is?"

After they finished their breakfasts, they headed over to Harrods. Arthur went around in the revolving door four times before Ron and Harry dragged him inside.

They headed to the escalators, strolling around the glass cases that displayed cosmetics. A woman saw them approaching and smiled. She held out a bottle. "Would you like to sample our new Passion Fruit Spray?"

"Fruit spray?" Arthur said excitedly as he took the bottle from her grip. "Sure!"

He sprayed it into his mouth; the woman looked at him strangely.

"Ughhhewwwwughhghgghhh!" Arthur exclaimed. He thrust the bottle back into her hands and the three of them continued walking.

"What a strange man," Harry thought he heard the woman mutter to herself.

They approached the esculator and Arthur was hesitant to get on. "Go ahead," he told a couple of Muggles.

"It's okay, Mr. Weasley," Harry assured him. "See, you just step on, like this -" He proceeded to show him.

Harry was already halfway up, but Arthur was still looking uncertain. "It sure is moving fast."

"Don't worry, Dad, I'll be behind you," Ron said. He was trying to sound brave, but even he felt a little apprehensive about the esculator.

Harry was already on the second floor now. He waved down to Ron and Arthur. "Should I come down?" he called.

"No, we're coming up!" Ron replied. "Go on, Dad."

Arthur put his right foot on the moving tile and didn't move his left foot until his right leg was stretched out in front of him. He gripped the railings with his hands and tried not to look down. Ron quickly stepped on behind him.

"There! See, no problem!" Harry said once they had both reached the second level.

"Now, if you were a girl, what would you want in your house?" questioned Arthur.

Harry and Ron looked at each other.

"Something flowery?" suggested Ron.

"Something pink?" proposed Harry.

"No, not pink. Not every girl likes pink, you know."

"Oh, right, Hermione hates that color." Harry glanced past Ron and saw the department for kitchen appliances. "How about a cappachino machine?" he suggested. "Girls love cappachinos for some reason. Maybe because it's so much fun to say."

"Great idea, Harry!" exclaimed Ron. He thumped his friend on the back. "I know how much Hermione likes her Starbucks."

Twenty minutes later they left Harrods, Ron carrying a large black sack with a box that held the cappuccino machine. They next headed for the Russell Hotel.

"I hope it's okay for them to have visitors," Harry said as they waited for the elevator.

Ron shrugged. "I don't see why it wouldn't be."

"Look at that!" said Arthur as a woman walked by with a large bag, a white Maltese head sticking out of it. "That lady has a little dog in her bag! How peculiar!" He chuckled.

There was a DING! and the elevator doors opened. Harry, Ron, and Arthur stepped into the small box and the doors closed.

"Oh, I don't think I like this," Ron said nervously looking around the enclosed space. "What if we get stuck?"

"Oh, that only happens in Muggle movies," Harry said cheerfully. He started to reach for the button of their destination, but Arthur pushed the button first.

"Ooh, pretty!" he said as the button lit up. He began to hit another button. And another. And another. And another. And then another. And then one more. And another.

Ten minutes later, after waiting patiently for the doors to open and close at each floor, they finally reached the upper floor. Luckily nobody else had to use the elevator.

Ron and Arthur followed Harry as he walked down the corridor and knocked on the door. On the other side they could hear shouting.

"Hey! Where are my crystals! My crystals are gone! I had them on the top of my dresser and now they're not there anymore!"

"That sounds like one of the Patil twins," Ron whispered. "Hey, Hermione didn't happen to mention which two girls have left already?"

Harry shook his head.

"Cuz I hope it's Lavender."

"And I hope Romilda Vane is the other girl," Harry whispered back. He knocked again.

"I didn't take your damn crystals!" they heard Pansy shout back. "Damn! I get accussed for everything!"

"HAY-SPAY-TU! HAY-SPAY-TU!" they heard Cho's voice scream.

"The hell is "hay-spay-tu?" Ron asked.

Harry shrugged and knocked a third time, this time louder. The door swung open and they were greeted with Hermione's presence. She grinned at them. "Hey guys! Am I ever glad to see you two! It's been a little hectic around here lately." She rolled her eyes. "I didn't know you were going to stop by…Ron, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing," Ron replied after he had managed to lift his jaw from the ground. "You look - I've never seen you look so -"

"Oh!" Hermione laughed and touched her hair. "Yeah, I wasn't crazy about them straightening my hair, but I really like it. It's not going to last forever though, so might as well enjoy it while I can."

"Mr. Wealsey came with us too," said Harry.

"Yeah, where did Dad go anyway?" Ron questioned. He looked down the hall and saw that his dad was staring at the elevators, watching the digital number at the top change as it went from floor to floor. "Dad! Over here!" he called.

Mr. Weasley walked over and greeted Hermione.

"Come on in," Hermione invited them.

Just then Romilda chose to walk into the living room. She had just taken a shower and had a forest green terry cloth robe wrapped around her body and a smaller white towel was wrapped around her head. "SHIT! THERE ARE BOYS HERE!" she screamed as she ran back to the bathroom for refuge.

"Uh, we didn't come at a bad time, did we?" Harry asked.

"Did someone say boys?" a voice perked up and Lavender came from the kitchen. She smiled widely at Ron. "Ronald! What a pleasant surprise!"

Hermione glowered at her.

"Uh, hi, Lavender," Ron said uncomfortably. "Wow, your hair is blonde. Like really, really blonde."

"I know! Isn't it fabulous?" She flipped her hair over her shoulders.

"Hi, Dad!" Ginny had appeared at that moment. "Hi Ron, hi Harry."

"Hi, Ginny," Harry said smiling at her. He was glad she was still there. "I like your hair."

"Thanks!"

"We got you a present," Ron said handing the bag to Hermione. "A housewarming gift if you will."

"Aww, that's so thoughtful of you guys," Hermione said as she took out the box. "Ooh! A cappachino machine!"

"Cappachino machine?" said Ginny. "Awesome!"

"See, I told you they'd like it," Harry said smugly.

"What kind of mix did you get us?" asked Ginny.

Ron blinked. "Mix?"

"Uh…whoops," said Harry.

He saw Hermione and Ginny exchange looks which clearly read _That's boys for you. _

"Here, Lavender, why don't you put this in the kitchen," Hermione said as she shoved the box into Lavender's arms.

"A telly!" Arthur said excitedly pointing at the large square box. "You have a telly!"

"Want me to show you around, Dad?" Ginny offered. "There's so much great Muggle stuff around here…I'm still even discovering some!"

"So this is where you're living," Ron said as his sister and dad walked away. "Not too shabby."

"It's a nice place," Hermione agreed, then lowered her voice. "Believe me, living with seven other girls is not so much fun. Even Ginny confessed to me that she took living with six brothers for granted."

Harry laughed.

"It's too bad you guys didn't come yesterday," Hermione said sarcastically. "You would've witnessed Brownie Gate '97."

"Brownie Gate '97?" repeated Ron, befuddled.

"It's a long story. A very long, very stupid story."

"Well at least you get rid of someone what, every three days?" said Harry.

Hermione nodded. "Yes and thank goodness for that. I'm really hoping that Romilda is the next to go. She's driving me crazy. She's so annoying. All she does is shout how fabulous everything and everyone is."

Harry and Ron snickered.

"Although I wouldn't mind if Lavender went either…or Pansy, she's such a slob. Or Cho, that self-righteous bitch."

"Meow!" said Ron.

"Shut up, Ron."

Hermione, Ron, and Harry chatted for awhile before it was time for Ron and Harry to leave with Mr. Weasley.

"Remember, we might see you soon - Quidditich!" Harry grinned and pointed his finger at Hermione as he backed out the door.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Only in my nightmares will I play Quidditch."

--------------------------

"Fleur mail!" Padma called out the next morning. "It's another elimination!"

"Oh, thank God," Hermione muttered.

"What does it say?" Romilda asked.

"Nothing!" Padma frowned. "It's just a bunch of ellipses."

"That's odd," said Luna.

---------------------------

It all made sense when they found out they would be performing the nonverbal curse. Fleur had them pair up in twos and then switch every five minutes so everyone was paired with each person at least once. Fleur walked around the room, scrutinizing the Hermione, Pansy, Lavender, and Romilda as they tried to ward off the jinxes their partners were sending without uttering a word.

"Very good, 'Ermione." Fleur nodded as Hermione managed to dodge a bat bogey hex Ginny sent her way. "Everyone sweetch!"

Half an hour later, the examination was over and it was time to head to the Judging Room.

"I 'ave eight beautiful weetches een front of me. Only seven of you weel move on to ze next round and one of you weel be asked to pack your belongings and leave. 'Ermione, congratulations, you're still een ze running to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch and as ze weetch 'oo did ze best at ze nonverbal curses, you 'ave won a year's supply of parchment and quills from Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop."

"Hermione won _again_?" exclaimed Lavender. "This is the third consecutive time!"

"The prize is totally lame though," said Pansy.

Fleur contined to call names until Ginny, Luna, and Romilda were left standing. "You zree are ze youngest in ze competition and I understand zat you don't 'ave as much experience with ze nonverbal curse as ze ozzers do, but two of you 'ave very great potential and zat eese Ginny and Luna. Romilda, I'm sorry, but you 'ave been asked to go 'ome."

Hermione said a silent prayer of thanks and gave Ginny a relieved look who reciprocated it. Romilda hugged everyone (except for Ginny) and wished everyone good luck (except for Ginny).

Seven girls remain……WHO will be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?


	5. Chapter 4

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Chapter 4: The Girl Who Loves Gushi Chiaki

_ I borrowed some material from Dodgeball and Kill Bill: Vol 1 which will be quite obvious when you read this chapter. I'm not ashamed to say that I have seen Dodgeball (twice!) and I love Kill Bill, so this chapter is my homage to it...sorta. I had a little too much fun writing this chapter and I hope you all enjoy reading it!  
_

There was a purple envelope waiting for the girls when they returned from the elimination. Ginny eagerly opened it. "How is your elevation? Meet at Hyde Park at 3 AM."

"Three AM!" exclaimed Pansy.

"We're going to playing Quidditch," Hermione said sullenly.

"Quidditch?" repeated Ginny. "Awesome!"

"I guess they want us there early so no Muggles see us," mused Cho.

--------------------------------------------------------

So just before three the following morning, the seven girls trudged sleepily to Hyde Park where Fleur was waiting for them. Oliver Wood, who had been the Gryffindor Keeper and was now the Keeper for the Chudley Cannons was standing behind her with a wooden box at his side.

"Good morning, or should I say good very early morning?" Fleur tittered. "I'm sure you all know why you're 'ere - we weel be playing Quidditch, but weeth a twist! Eet eese vital for a Top Weetch to stay active and 'ealthy and what better way zan Quidditch?" She beamed brightly.

"Are you sure it's secure enough to play in a public Muggle place, even if it is the middle of the night?" questioned Ginny.

"Don't worry, I 'ave devised an invisibility shield over ze park for ze next two 'ours, so nobody weel see us. Now 'oo 'ere plays Quidditch at 'Ogwarts?"

Ginny and Cho raised their hands. "Well, I used to play now that I've graduated," added Cho.

"Oo 'as ever played?"

Everyone else raised their hands except for Hermione.

"Well, you at least know ze rules of ze game, right?"

"Um….I know that it's good to catch the little flying ball with the wings," Hermione replied.

"Well, eet really doesn't matter because we weel be playing something a leetle different. 'As anyone ever 'eard of Quidditch Dodgeball?"

Ginny raised her hand. "Fred and George have played it."

Oliver laughed. "Why am I not surprised?"

"I am sure everyone eese familiar weeth Oliver Wood?" The girls nodded. "'E 'as graciously offered 'is time to come 'ere and tell us about zis exciting new game zat 'as been sweeping ze Wizarding World."

Oliver stepped forward. "Thanks, Fleur, I'll take it from here. Yes, indeed it is true that Quidditch Dodgeball is the new sport that's taking the country by storm. It has combined our favorite pastime with a Muggle favorite pastime - is anyone here familiar with Dodgeball?"

Cautiously Hermione rasied her hand. She didn't have very fond memories of Dodgeball back in her Muggle school days. "It's a game where people throw balls at the other team and you must dodge to avoid them, hence the name."

Oliver nodded. "That's right. And that's pretty much what Quidditch Dodgeball is - except you're on brooms, of course. On each team there are seven people, just like Quidditch. Balls of different colors and sizes are randomly tossed into the air where they remain floating until somebody hits an opponent. If you throw the ball and don't hit anyone, then it will still remain afloat and it becomes that team's property. When you hit somebody, that person is out. If they catch the ball you throw at them, then you are out, and also anyone who catches a ball can invite anyone back on their team who has been taken out. Does everyone understand the rules so far?"

The girls nodded.

"Good. When playing Quidditich Dodgeball, it's always important to remember the five D's: dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge."

"Uh, you said dodge twice," interjected Hermione.

"And I'd like to think of the unofficial motto as being, If you can dodge a Dementor, you can dodge a ball," Oliver continued, ignoring Hermione.

The girls shot each other confused glances.

"When everyone has been eliminated from a team, then the other team has won - but wait! There's just a little catch! Besides flying on brooms, Quidditch Dodgeball keeps another aspect of Quidditch in the game - the Snitch. On each team there is a Seeker and only the Seeker can cross the Invisible Line, but a Seeker cannot eliminate anyone when they're on the opponent's side, they are only allowed to cross over when they see the Snitch, which usually comes near the end of the game when almost everyone is out. If you do cross over, the members of that team can do anything to shield you from the Snitch. You see, when one captures the Snitch then that enables for all of their teammates to come back into the game. The Snitch only comes out once and is very vital in winning the game. We won't be worrying about that today, though. Now since there are only seven of you, you will be playing four against four. Fleur has kindly volunteered to be on one of the teams."

After they drew names to decide the teams (Hermione, Ginny, Cho, and Padma against Luna, Pansy, Lavender, and Fleur), Oliver opened the wooden box and about thirty different balls levitated into the air. The girls each climbed aboard the Nimbus 2000s that had been provided for them and soared into the air. Hermione, who didn't like to fly, stayed close to the ground and gripped her handle so tightly her knuckes turned white.

Obviously Ginny and Cho were the most comfortable on brooms, dodging from balls and throwing them at the other team with ease of balance. But even though they were the two best players, Hermione and Padma were easily the two worst. Hermione was too afraid to let go and even try to attempt to throw a ball and Padma had a weak throw. She was immediately out when Pansy hit her with a small yellow ball.

The more the girls played, the more they discovered their strengths. Pansy had a strong throw, Luna was quick and easily darted the oncoming balls, and Lavender found out she could easily catch the balls.

"Wow, I guess all those years I took of Ballet on a Broom as a little girl really did pay off!" she exclaimed when she caught a ball that sent Cho out of the game.

_Pffweet!_

After about half an hour later, Oliver blew his whistle. There were only ten balls left in the air and Lavender had hit Ginny, making Lavender, Luna, Pansy, and Fleur the winners.

"Good game, girls," Oliver said once everyone was back on the ground. "I think you'll have the jist of it in no time."

"Let's all zank Monsieur Wood for coming down today," Fleur prompted.

"Thank you, Oliver!" the girls chorused.

"No problem." Oliver winked at them. "I'm always willing to teach pretty girls how to play Quidditch Dodgeball. Good luck with your competition!" And with that he vanished.

"Before you go, I 'ave exciting news to tell you," Fleur said to the girls who were now starting to feel the strain of being awake at an ungodly hour. "In zree days, ze seven of you weel be playing Quidditch Dodgeball for your next task. I 'ave asked 'Arry Potter and Ron Weasley to put together a team for you to play against."

"I can tell your right now that Fred and George will be on that team," Ginny groaned.

"Ze game weel be held at ze Quidditch Pitch at 'Ogwarts and all admission weel go to ze Toad Choir set up een Dumbledore's good name. Given that eet eese a charity event and zat Quidditich Dodgeball eese ze new phenomenon, we expect eet to be a soldout game!"

"Great, now everyone can watch me make a fool out of myself," Hermione grumbled to Ginny who sympathetically patted her on the shoulder.

"Een ze meantime, you need to decide 'oo your Team Captain and your Seeker weel be and come up weeth a name for your team. We weel be practicing same time and same place until ze match! _Au revoir_!"

-----------------------------------------------

During lunch the seven girls sat around the living room eating their sandwiches and discussing who would be the better Seeker: Cho or Ginny?

"Well, I do have more experience than you," Cho pointed out. "I'm two years older than you. Plus I've always been the Seeker for Ravenclaw. You've only been the Seeker for Gryffindor when Harry couldn't play and that was what? Twice?"

"Yeah, but I caught it both times, including when I was playing against your House," Ginny couldn't help adding smugly in her defense. "Besides, we know that Harry is going to be the Seeker for his side and-" she lowered her voice to a loud whisper, "I know all his Seeker Secrets!"

"All of those who think Ginny should be the Seeker, rasie your hand," said Hermione as she, Ginny, Luna, Lavender, and Padma raised their hands. "Okay, well that obviously settles it."

"You only voted for her because Ron is her brother," Cho snapped at Lavender.

"Ginny would have still won with or without Lavender's vote," Hermione pointed out rationally.

"Well, I think I should at least be captain," Cho pouted.

"Why don't we wait until we've played some more to decide who's best suited for captain?" Hermione responded diplomatically.

---------------------------------------------

At their next practice, the teams were switched with Cho, Lavender, Hermione, and Pansy against Luna, Padma, Ginny, and Fleur. All the girls, even Hermione, were beginning to feel more comfortable with the game and had learned from their mistakes. Padma still had a weak throw, but at least the balls she threw were starting to cross the Invisible Line. Ginny and Cho were still easily the best two players.

----------------------------------------------------

They discussed team names as they ate lunch in a small café.

"Maybe we could try putting all our House names together?" suggested Padma. "Something like…uh…" She thought for a moment. "Ravfinin? No, that sounds too weird. Okay, how about Slyfinclaw? Or Grytherclaw?"

"Slyfinclaw? Grytherclaw?" repeated Pansy. "That's stupid!"

"Well, I was just trying to come up with a clever name!" Padma replied huffily. "At least I'm trying, I don't see you coming up with any names, Pansy!"

"How about the Purple Moonbeams?" suggested Luna. "I like purple…and I like moonbeams."

"Uh, pass," said Pansy.

"We need a name that's strong, that shows everyone we're a team you don't want to mess with," said Ginny.

"Most importantly we need a name that sounds cool," added Lavender.

"That too," agreed Ginny.

"I got it!" Cho said elatedly after the girls had been quiet for awhile, trying to think of the perfect team name. "I have thought of a name that is not only cool, but will show everyone what a badass team we are." She paused dramatically.

"Well, what is it?" Hermione asked expectedly.

"The Black Mambas!"

"The Black Mambas," Ginny repeated. "Huh. I like it."

"What's a black mamba?" asked Luna.

"A poisonous snake," Hermione answered her. "One of the most deadly in the world."

"Then how about The Deadly Black Mambas?" suggested Lavender.

"That would be redundant," Hermione replied. "Everyone knows that they're deadly. That would be like if a team were called The White Polar Bears. It's unnecessary."

"But who likes my idea?" questioned Cho.

"I like it," said Padma.

"Me too," agreed Luna.

"It's good," voiced Ginny.

Cho lifted her water glass. "The Black Mambas! We are so going to kick the other team's ass!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

After their last practice before the big match that would be held the following day, Fleur gathered around the girls.

"I just want to tell everyone 'ow great you 'ave played and zat I zink you weel all be ready for ze game tomorrow. Eet doesn't matter eef you win or lose, what eese really important eese zat we all 'ave fun and enjoy a game zat eese for a good cause. Now I'd like to do somezing a leetle different. Instead of giving out ze prize at ze elimination, I weel be giving ze girl 'oo I zink 'as been playing ze best somezing zat weel come een very handy at tomorrow's game. And zat girl eese…Ginny!"

"Well, at least it wasn't Hermione this time," Lavender mumbled to Padma.

"Ooh!" Ginny clapped her hands in excitement. "I've never won anything before! What do I get?"

Fleur smiled. "It will be waiting for you when you get back to the suite. _Au revoir_!"

Ginny dashed back to the hotel with Cho on her heels as she was curious to see what Ginny would get that would help her with tomorrow's game. Hermione and Luna were the last to enter the suite and Hermione heard Ginny let out an excited shriek.

"NO WAY!" cried Cho. "NO. WAY!"

"Oh my Merlin…I can't believe it!" Ginny cried.

"What? What is it?" Hermione asked. She saw that Ginny was holding up a broom with a shiny black handle.

"She got the Gushi Chiaki," Cho said in awe.

"Another new broom?" asked Hermione.

"Hermione, my friend, the Gushi Chiaki is not just another new broom," said Ginny. "It was made in Japan and is named after it's creator who is one of the most sought after broom makers in the world. It is created in a similar way as the Samurai sword." She held the broom before her and watched it glistened. "Do you know how many people would kill to have this? Picture the Firebolt. Now picture something three times more expensive and ten times better. THAT is the Gushi Chiaki. Oh, I love you, my Gushi." She brought the broom to her lips and kissed it.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"They've only been on the market for less than a month and they're a limited edition. Less than a hundred are sold around the world," Cho explained. "Oh, what I would give to have one of them! Hey, Ginny wanna trade?"

Ginny laughed manically. "What? Your Comet 260 for the Gushi? Uh, let me think for a moment." Ginny paused for one second. "Yeah, I don't think so."

"I'll give you one hundred galleons!"

"This is worth more than one hundred galleons and you know that!" Ginny snapped.

"Uh, you guys, the game is tomorrow and we still don't have a captian," Lavender said tentatively.

"Maybe Ginny should be captain since she won the broom," said Hermione.

"Don't call it 'the broom!'" Ginny hissed. "It is the Gushi!"

"But Cho came up with the name," Pansy responded.

"We know that the other team comprises of three of her brothers," Hermione argued. "And who knows them better than Ginny?"

"And I have the Gushi…I'm captain," Ginny decided.

"You just better hope we don't lose, Weasley," Cho sneered at her.

-----------------------------------------------------

The next afternoon the seven witches, along with Fleur and Cyra, boarded the bus that would be taking them to Hogwarts. (Fortunately for them, Professor Crunk hated sports and would not be attending). All of their brooms (including Ginny's Gushi) were stored in a wooden crate that went into the bus's compartment. The other team was already on the bus. Harry and Ron were sitting together at the back with (just as Ginny had predicted) Fred and George across from them.

Near the front, one right behind the other, were Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet, and Angelina Johnson.

"Ah, the team we'll be beating," said Ginny as she slid into the seat next to Hermione in front of Harry and Ron. The other girls scattered all over.

Ron laughed. "In your dreams!"

The bus started and they were off for Hogwarts.

"I see that Romilda was the last one eliminated," Harry said surveying the seven remaining girls.

"Yes," said Hermione, "and what a happy day that was. And I just know that I'm going to be the next to go. I can barely stay on a broom, let alone play Quidditch Dodgeball."

"Nah, you won't go just because of that," Ginny said shaking her head firmly. "You've won the last three challenges! Fleur and the other judges will remember that."

"So I supposed you're the Seeker, huh, Gin?" Harry asked her.

Ginny nodded. "And the captain."

"Same as me," Harry replied with a smile.

"You girls are brave to be taking on a team with seven seasoned Quidditich players," said George nodding to Hermione and Ginny. "Ginny, besides you and Cho, who else plays Quidditch?"

"Well, everyone besides Hermione has played it before, just not on a school team," Ginny said defiantly. "And besides, Hermione's played Dodgeball at her Muggle school."

"Of course I sucked at it," Hermione muttered under her breath.

"Well, George, Ronnie, Harry and I have been practicing and I must say that the Sultans of Swing are a team to be reckoned with!" Fred grinned.

Hermione stared at him blankly. "You named your team after a Dire Straits song?"

"Yeah, we got the idea from your CD collection! It was either that or A Flock of Seagulls."

"I don't own anything by A Flock of Seagulls!"

"I told them about A Flock of Seagulls," Harry explained. "I like that song…And I ran….I ran so far away…I just ran…I ran all night and day…I couldn't get away-"

"But we liked Sultans of Swing much better," George said, interrupting Harry's singing. "It makes us sound important. The Sultans of Swing."

"It's much better than Katie's suggestion," Ron agreed. "She thought we should be called the Gryffindor Lions."

"Hey, I heard you!" Katie shouted from the front. "And it's not a bad name…we all are or were in Gryffindor!"

"But it's not very original," Ron muttered. "So what's your team name?" he asked his sister.

"The Black Mambas," Ginny replied with satisfaction.

"Black Mambas?" Fred repeated. "What is that? Some kind of dance?"

"It's a deadly snake," Hermione informed him.

"More like a dead snake," Ron sniggered, "since our team is gonna kill yours."

"Yeah, well, nobody on your team owns a Gushi Chiaki, now do they?" Ginny asked smugly.

"Well, neither does anyone on your team," Ron pointed out, not noticing Ginny's self-righteousness.

"That's where you'd be wrong, _mi_ _hermano. _It just so happens that I won a Gushi Chiaki."

Ron and Harry stared at her. "You're lying," Ron said hoarsely.

"Oh, but I'm not, _mon frere_."

"Hermione, did Ginny get a new broom?" Harry demanded.

"She did."

"She's lying," Ron said in a shaky voices. "Ginny told her to say that."

"You can believe what you want, _mio fratello, _because I certainly can't wait to see the look on all of your faces when you see my brand spanking new Gushi Chiaki! You all can call me Ima, because Ima gonna kick your ass!"

"That's cute, Gin, that's really cute." Fred reached over and patted her on the head.

"Get off!" Ginny slapped his hand away.

-----------------------------------------------

By the time they reached Hogwarts, everyone was more than happy to step off the bus. The sixteen passengers stretched, then the two teams went their separate ways to get ready for the match. The sun was starting to set and it was quickly becoming dimmer by the second.

Harry couldn't help but notice that all the seats were filled. He saw Neville Longbottom, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, and Ernie Macmillan sitting together with Colin and Dennis Creevey and Justin Flinch-Fletchley behind them. There was Susan Bones, Parvati Patil, and Romilda Vane ready to cheer on their former opponents. (Or perhaps not). Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were sitting in the front row with Bill and Charlie. Harry wondered who they would be rooting for.

He noticed Ginny's Gryffindor roommates: Gillian Daniels, Kjirsten Skilensidenoffer, Collette Pheonix, and Mischa Owens.

He rolled his eyes when he saw Cormac McLaggen waving a poster with a stick figure drawn with black hair and green eyes and glasses doing something crude with a goat. To make matters worse, the picture was chamed to be animated.

Harry smiled when he noticed Lupin and Tonks looking quite cozy together, sitting in the back row. Katie's good friend, Leanne, was sitting with Mandy Brocklehurst and Terry Boot. Millicent Bulstrode was sitting near the back with Crabbe and Goyle. All three looked ready to taunt both teams.

There were other familiar student faces as well: Michael Corner, Roger Davies, Marietta Edgecomb, Daphne Greengrass, Miranda Branch, Dragnia Paradise, and tons others.

He also noticed many Hogwarts professors were in attendance: Hagrid was sitting next to Dobby and Winky, who shared a seat (and the sight of seeing them sitting next to the half-gaint was quite humouros). McGonagall, Slughorn, Flitwick, Sprout, Trelawney - they were all there. Not a single seat was empty. Harry followed his team into the changing room and they changed into their red robes.

------------------------------------------------

On the other side of the field, Ginny, Hermione, Cho, Luna, Pansy, Padma, and Lavender changed into their purple robes.

"Oh, I just love these robes!" gushed Lavender. "Purple is my favorite color!"

"That's because your name is a shade of purple," Cho said rolling her eyes.

"A lot of people sure came," Hermione said in a nervous voice looking out at the crowd who were getting more wiled up by the second as they clapped and chanted "WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!"

"Girls! Eet eese almost time!" Fleur said clapping her hands. "Een a few minutes, ze ozzer team weel be introduced, zen you. Good luck to all of you!" She hugged all of the girls, then left with Cyra to sit in the front row.

"Helllooooo ladies and gentlemen, witches and wizards, creatures of the night and house-elves and whoever else is in attendance on this fine summer July evening." Lee Jordan's voice boomed out. The girls peeked out and saw him standing in the middle of the Quidditch pitch with a MagicMike. "We have an exciting match of Quidditich Dodgeball for you tonight! So sit back and relax and enjoy the game! Let's get ready to ruuuumble!" Techno music started to play and the crowd cheered wildly, enjoying every second of it. "Give a big shoutout to the Sultans of Swing -" he did a double take - "Sultans of Swing? Well, anyway, here they are, the Sultans of Swing aka nearly the Gryffindor Quidditch Team circa 1991-'93. Please welcome Angelina Johnson! Alicia Spinnet! Katie Bell!"

Angelina, Alicia, and Katie all ran out in the field with their brooms at their sides, waving at everyone.

"Here comes everyone's favorite red-headed, freckled-faced pranksters, and my best friends, Gred and Forge - whoops! I mean Fred and George Weasley!"

Fred and George opted to come out on their broomsticks, doing twists and turns over the audience who whooped in delight.

"Show offs," Ginny muttered, her arms crossed as she watched them with the rest of her teammates. "I totally taught them how to do those aerial maneuvers on their brooms too."

"And last but not least, put your hands together for Ron Weasley and your team captian, Harry Potter!"

Ron and Hary ran around the oval-shaped field in oppostie directions, smacking high-fives with the spectators in the front row.

"Oh, please, I can't even watch this anymore!" Ginny exclaimed. "They are so full of themselves! Gits!"

"And now," Lee continued as the music changed. "It's time to introduce you to the lovely ladies of Hogwarts' Next Top Witch, send some love for the Black Mambas! Here they are - Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Cho Chang, Lavender Brown, Padma Patil, Pansy Parkinson, and your captain and also the sister of almost half of the other team - Ginny Weasley!"

Ginny led the other girls as they walked out together, almost in slow motion, towards the other team. Ginny had a slight smirk on her face - oh, how she loved competition, especially against her insufferable brothers. The other girls walked closely behind her, hauling their brooms over their shoulders.

Harry's eyes nearly bugged out. "She really does have a Gushi Chiaki!" he hissed to Ron who could only nod as it seemed words had failed him.

Once the balls were leviated into the air, the two teams heard a whistle and they mounted their brooms and the game began.

Lee Jordan had resumed his post in the commentary box. "Oh, and just like that Potter takes out Granger! Joining me now is Chudley Cannons Keeper, Oliver Wood. Now, Oliver, is it safe to say with the experience the Sultans of Swing have with Quidditch, that they have more of an advantage?"

"Lee, let me reply with a typical '80s Valley Girl response: duh."

"So it's fair to say that they have the right stuff?"

"Yes, I suppose"

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, the right stuff!" Lee sang.

"Um, dude, no."

"Oh! G.W. just hit Ronnie square in the face. Ouch! That had to hurt! And just like that, Fred catches a ball thrown by Parkinson and Ron is back in. Oliver, this game could go on for awhile, right?"

Oliver nodded. "That could very well be the case. I once played a game of Quidditch Dodgeball that lasted for eight hours. Needless to say I was dead tired and grouchy by the time the game was over."

"Did your team win?"

"No, that was the reason I was grouchy."

"Oh! And just like that George knocks out both Chang and Brown with one throw! But Lovegood retaliates by catching a ball thrown by Bell sending her out of the game and Chang is back in!"

"It's pretty obvious that the Black Mambas have been practicing, Lee," commented Oliver. "They sure are giving the Sultans of Swing a run for their money. Plus it doesn't hurt that Ginny has the Gushi Chiaki, a fine piece of work that is."

-----Fifteen minutes later-----

"There are no more balls in the air and right now, still alive for the Sultans of Swing are Potter, Johnson, Ron, and only one half of the Weasley twins: George. Still playing for the Black Mambas are G.W., Chang, Lovegood, Parkinson, and Brown. Oliver, what does this mean now?"

"Well, Lee, the game isn't over yet, obviously. There will be a quick ten minute intermission as the balls are once again charmed to levitate in the air. The players who are still alive are allowed to converse with each other, but any players who have been knocked out must remain on the sidelines."

"Well, you heard him folks," Lee said.

"Jordan, why don't you go down and entertain the crowd." Professor McGonagall, who was sitting in front of the commentator's box, twisted in her seat and looked at Lee. "I think they're getting kind of ansty and considering that Sprout is the only one allowed to charm the balls since there are no Hufflepuffs on either side, it might take awhile."

"Alright," Lee agreed. His eyes lit up. "I have an idea!"

He ran down to the field, turned on some music and began singing in the MagicMike:

"_Hogwarts, back again, check it top, wreck it - let's begin._

_Party people let me hear some noise._

_LJ's in the house, jump, jump, and rejoice."_

Lee waved his arms from one side to the other.

"_There's a party over here, a party over there._

_Wave your hands in the air, shake the derriere._

_These three words mean you're getting busy._

_Whoomp! There it is - hit me!"_

"_Whoomp! There it is!" _echoed Cyra.

"_Whoomp! There is it!" _growled Hagrid.

"_Whoomp! There it is!" _sqeaked Dobby.

"_Whoomp! There it is!" _Dean, Seamus, Neville, and Ernie sang together.

"_Whoomp! There it is!" _Lupin and Tonks joined in.

"_Whoomp! There it is!" _Colin Creevey stood up and shook his butt at the crowd.

"_Whoomp! Zere eet eese!" _Fleur repeated happily.

"_Whoomp! There it is!" _McGonagall shouted as she raised the roof with her hands.

Lee continued to sing:

"_Upside down and inside out, I'm about to show all you folks what it's all about. _

_Now it's time to get on the mic and make this party hype._

_I'm taking it back to the old school cuz I'm an old fool who's so cool._

_If you wanna get down, I'm gonna show you the way!"_

"I can't believe he's singing that song," Hermione said to Padma, rolling her eyes.

"I kinda like it," Padma replied. "_Whoomp! There it is!" _she sang with the others.

At the end of the song, Lee looked at Sprout and saw she was only done charming half of the balls. He was going to have to keep this party in check! He indicated for Cyra to join him, whispered in her ear, and changed the music. Cyra started to sing:

"_It's such a good vibration! It's such a sweet sensation!_

_It's such a good vibration! It's such a sweet sensation!"_

Lee joined in, the MagicMike close to his mouth:

"_Yo! It's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme!_

_I'm a get mine, so get yours! I wanna see sweat comin' out your pores!_

_On the house tips is how I'm swinging this, strictly hip hop boy I ain't singing this._

_Bringing this to the entire nation: black, white, red, brown, feel the vibration!_

_Come on, come on. Feel it, feel it! Feel the vibration!"_

"Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch! Is he kidding me!" Hermione exclaimed.

"_Vibrations good like Sunkist, many wanna know who done this._

_Lee Jordan and I'm here to move you, rhymes will groove you and I'm here to prove to you that we can party on the positive side and pump positive vibes! _

_So come along for the ride making you feel the rhythm is my occupation, so feel the vibration._

_Come on, come on. Feel it, feel it! Feel the vibration!"_

"They're ready!" Sprout announced when the song had finished, placing the balls back into the air.

"Game on!" shouted Lee as he resumed to his post and the remaining challengers took to their brooms once more. "Oh! And just like that Ronniekins knocks out both Brown and Parkinson at the same time with Potter simultaneously knocking out Lovegood! Nice! It's now four against two. Will the Weasley lass and Chang be able to hold on? Oh, and with that G.W. catches a toss from Johnson! And she invites Granger back into the game! Granger, who was knocked out nearly five seconds into the game and hasn't been back yet! Was that a smart move? I guess we'll wait and see."

At that moment Dean Thomas stumbled into the commentator's box, holding a bottle of butterbeer.

"Dean, my main man!" Lee grinned as he slapped the younger boy a high five. "What brings you to my humble abode? Ladies and gentlemen, I have Dean Thomas with me. Dean, have you played Quidditch Dodgeball before?"

Dean shook his head. "No," he replied, his voice slurred. "There's something I need to say to a certain player out there. Do you mind?" he asked taking the MagicMike.

"Uh, no, dude, go ahead."

Dean took the MagicMike and stood on the wooden railing of the box.

Over in the pitch, Ginny was trying to dodge oncoming traffic and shield Hermione as well. "What the hell is Dean doing?" she said out of the corner of her mouth to Hermione who just shrugged. She ducked, barely missing a ball thrown by George. They heard Dean began to warble:

"_We belong together and you know that I'm right._

_Why do you play with my head, why do you play with my mind?_

_Said we'd be forever, said it'd never die._

_How could you love me and leave me and never say good-bye?"_

"Uh, I think he's singing to you," Hermione said, leaning down low on her broom to avoid a close encounter with an orange ball thrown by Harry.

"Well, he's making a fool of himself!" Ginny's brown eyes blazed angrily as she took a quick glance over at Dean who now had one of his arms wrapped around a post for support and his other arm was outstretched towards the players.

"_Girl, I'm here for you. All those times at night when you just hurt me and just ran out with Harry Potter - baby, I knew about it, I just didn't care. You just don't understand how much I love you, do you?"_

"Hey, Gin, why don't you shut your ex up?" George grinned and tossed a ball which Cho caught. "Ah, crap."

"Lavender, get your ass back in here!" Cho called.

"Serves you right!" Ginny shouted at her brother.

"_I'm not out to go out and cheat on you all night, just like you did baby, but that's all right. Hey, I love you anyway."_

"I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU!" Ginny screamed towards Dean. She swooped to the side to avoid a fast flying object thrown by Ron in the split second she was distracted.

"_Right now, I'm just in so much pain, baby, cuz you just won't come back to me, will you? Just come back to me."_

"I think he's drunk," Hermione whispered to Ginny who nodded in agreement.

Dean outstretched both his hands and fell to the ground. The spectators gasped in horror and even the players paused for a moment to make sure he was okay.

"I'm okay!" Dean announced groggily sitting up.

"Man, get your drunk ass off this field and quit singing!" Lee shouted at him.

"Ouch!" Lavender cried as Ron hit her in the back in the moment she had turned to look at Dean.

"And the game continues," Lee resumed with his commentary. "Brown is out and oh! So is Granger. Eliminated by her boyfriend. Tsk, tsk, Ron. It's now two aginst two: Potter and Weasley against G.W. and Chang - oh, scratch that. Chang just got ousted by Potter. Oh, look, folks, I think I see the Snitch!"

Ginny was now just trying to avoid any of the hurtling balls being thrown at her by Ron and Harry. She wasn't worrying about catching any of them, all she had to do was get that Snitch - and there it was! She could see it on the other side, just a couple feet up and above Harry.

Harry saw her cross over the Invisible Line and knew the Snitch had appeared.

"I see it!" Ron pointed excitedly to the small winged object. Harry was an exceptionally fast flyer and zoomed for the Snitch, but Ginny was equally as fast, if not faster on her Gushi, and was right next to Harry in a few seconds, with Ron trailing behind her, unable to keep up with his own broom. Ginny saw Harry stretch his arm out to reach for the Snitch, but slapped his arm away.

"You didn't think it was going to be that easy, did you?" she smirked.

"You know, for a second there, yeah, I kinda did," Harry replied. And with that he turned on his side and flew off to where the Snitch went. Ginny zipped after him. But even her beloved Gushi Chiaki was no match for the great Harry Potter. He had caught the Snitch and the rest of his team, now whooping came back in to the game. It was no use for poor Ginny: under thirty seconds she was hit by Fred and out of the game.

"And just like that the Sultans of Swing are your winners of Quidditch Dodgeball '97!" Lee cried as the crowd whooped and cheered.

"Sorry, guys," Ginny mumbled to her teammate.

"Oh, it's not a big deal," Hermione replied good-naturedly. "The other team did have more experience against us anyway."

"You were so close! So close!" shouted Cho. "You should have made me Seeker! I could have totally gotten that!"

All of the players now had their feet planted firmly on the ground, except for Harry who had been picked up and carried by Fred and George, chanting and cheering victoriously. Streamers of gold and silver started raining down on the pitch and fireworks went off. The winning team began to sing, along with the audience:

"_We are the champions, my friends, and we'll keep on fighting till the end. _

_We are the champions, we are the champions, no time for losers, cuz we are the champions - of the world!" _

Angelina, Alicia, and Katie consoled the other team and put their arms around Hermione, Luna, Lavender, Padma, Pansy, and Cho as they began swinging and swaying with the others.

Harry could see Ginny pushing her way through the crowd and jumped off from Fred and George's shoulders and ran after her. "Ginny," he said touching her shoulder and she turned around and was quite taken aback when Harry grabbed her and kissed her.

"What was that for?"

"To ease the pain….you're not upset that I beat you, are you?"

She bit her lip to keep from smiling. "Well, I suppose not. I'd be more irked if it were one of my brothers…I'm very competitive with them, you know. Especially Ron."

"Yeah, I've noticed that," he replied with a laugh.

"But I can't be mad at you because you're too cute."

Harry kissed her again.

"Now folks, if that's not inter-team unity, then I don't know what is," Lee said as he watched Harry and Ginny.

--------------------------------------------------

The elimination was the next day. Hermione knew she was going to go. Ginny kept squeezing her hand and told her everything would be fine.

The seven girls stood in front of Fleur, Cyra, and Oliver Wood, who was the special guest judge that day. Since Crunk had not attended the game, he was not there.

"First of all, I'd like to say what a wonderful job you did een ze game," Fleur commented. "Even zough you didn't win, we are all extremely proud of you and zought you all did a great job."

Oliver nodded in agreement. "Perhaps in a few months, most of you will able to go pro with Quidditch Dodgeball!"

"And wasn't the game fun, y'all?" said Cyra.

"But we must go on weeth ze competition," Fleur continued. "I 'ave seven beautiful weetches een front of me. Only six of you weel move on to ze next round and one of you weel be asked to pack your belongings and leave. Ginny, you won ze challenge and weel be moving on. Cho, congratulations, you are also steel een ze running to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch."

Fleur called out names and just as Hermione expected, she was in the bottom two with Padma.

"You two 'ad ze most problem weeth ze game, but 'Ermione, you 'ave shown some great potential, and zat eese why you are still in ze compeition. Congratulations."

Hermione heaved a sigh of relief as Padma hugged her.

Six girls remain……WHO will be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?


	6. Chapter 5

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

By Mariposa

Chapter 5: The Girl With The Whip

_I used some material from "The O.C." and once again referred to the ANTM recaps over at TWOP. Tara and Candy are based off of characters written by an online acquaintance of mine who based them off my sis and myself.  
_

_You voted and your Cover Witch of the Week is Ginny Weasley! "Ginny is a fun, feisty, FIERCE witch with a fiery attitude!" writes Sally-Anne Perks. "She exudes sassiness and confidence with a FIERCE personality!" says Gillian Daniels. Thank you for voting in this week's Cover Witch poll!_

_------------------------------------------------------_

"Do you know what you're getting Harry for his birthday?" Hermione asked Ginny as she pushed a shopping cart down the breakfast foods aisle. The two girls, along with Cho, were at the market getting food since they were running low.

"I'm not sure," Ginny replied, although she did have an idea of what she wanted to give him, she just wasn't certain if she was going to carry her plan out or not.

"Maybe you could let him have a ride on your Gushi?" Cho suggested as she tossed a carton of milk into the cart. I'm sure he'd let you have a go on his Firebolt," she added with a sly grin.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Can we please stop with the sexual innuendo jokes? They're getting old." She turned her attention back to Hermione. "What are you getting him?"

"Oh, I thought I'd give him the gift certificate I won for Honeydukes."

"You can't do that!" Ginny exclaimed. "That's re-gifting!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is! You got the gift certificate, and now you're giving it to Harry. Total re-gifting!"

"Well, he doesn't have to know," Hermione replied as she grabbed a box of Cheerios.

"Are these good?" Ginny held up a box of Pop Tarts.

"No, those are gross. Put them back."

-----------------------------------------

Meanwhile, back at the hotel, Luna read the purple note card they had found: "Are you born to be wild? A lioness, a raven, an elephant, a dolphin, a gazelle, a snake - which one will you be?"

"You don't think we'll be studying Animagi?" Lavender asked in a worried voice. "That's for experienced witches!"

Pansy snorted. "I doubt it."

"I think it would be fun to be a dolphin," Luna said in her trademark dreamy voice.

"Ooh! I have a great idea for a joke we can play on the others when they get back,"

snickered Lavender. "Just follow my lead."

When Hermione, Ginny, and Cho returned, Lavender pretended they had just received the Fleur mail and read a fake message unbeknownst to the three girls: "Pack your bags. You have twenty minutes… to be in PARIS!" She and Pansy started to squeal for realistic effect. Luna gasped and clapped her hands together with glee. Ginny and Cho screamed with excitement and hugged each other. Hermione's jaw dropped open.

"I've always wanted to go to France!" cried Cho.

"Of course, it makes sense!" Ginny said giddily. "Fleur is French, why not take us to her homeland?"

"I love France!" exclaimed Hermione. "I wonder what we're going to to there? What does it say?" She started to reach for the note card, but Lavender held it back.

"HAHA!" she screamed. "YOU GOT PUNK'D! We're just kidding…we're not really going to Paris."

"We're not?" Ginny said, clearly deflated.

Cho was not amused. "Like, seriously, coming into this competition I did not realize that I was going to feel like a first year at Hogwarts."

Pansy was doubled over with laughter. "I think I'm going to throw up from laughing so much!"

Hermione grabbed the notecard from her and read the real clue to Ginny and Cho.

Ginny frowned. "You don't think -"

"Animagi? Nah, it couldn't be," Hermione replied. "I guess we'll find out tomorrow, though."

---------------------------------------------

The next morning they gathered in the hotel's large conference room on the main floor. Everything that had been in there before had been cleared out.

"Helloooo, ladies!" Cyra came in the room, all bouncy and animated, followed by two other witches, about her age. One had red hair and was taller than the other who had bright purple hair and a pierced lip and eyebrow. "I want to introduce you to two of my friends from the States. This is Tara-" she gestured to the redhead, "and this is Candy. They're visiting me from San Francisco and are going to be assisting with today's activity. Last time, Fleur told all y'all that it's very important for a Top Witch to stay active and she's right. Well, since you've already been involved in sports, we are now going to do something that is not only active, but artistic as well…you are going to learn how to dance!"

"Dance?" Hermione repeated.

"Yes, you remember what your card said, about the different animals you might be?"

The girls nodded slowly.

"Well, we are each going to assign you one of those animals and you will dress up as your designated animal and you will have to dance as you would think that animal might dance."

"I KNEW we wouldn't be learning about Animagi," Pansy said with a satisfied tone.

Cyra laughed. "Oh, goodness, no. You girls aren't advanced enough for that yet. But maybe someday."

"Like Cyra said, we're from San Francisco," Candy said referring to herself and Tara. "We're very active in dance, especially interpretive dance, and we're both part of the San Francisco Ballet where we have to pretend we're Muggles."

"But luckily we both grew up with Muggle parents, so that wasn't much of a stretch," Tara added with a grin. "Now Cyra has already told us a little about each of you, so we're ready to assign you your animal."

Candy nodded and looked down at a clipboard she was holding. "Hermione?"

Hermione stepped forward.

"You are going to be a lioness."

"Ooh, girl, you are gonna be FIERCE!" Cyra made her hand into a claw and swiped it at Hermione.

"Ginny, you will be the gazelle," Candy continued. "Luna, we're making you the raven."

"Oh, I was hoping I would get to be the dolphin," Luna said wistfully. "But I am happy to be a raven because I'm a proud Ravenclaw."

"Lavender, you are going to be the dolphin," Tara stated. "Cho, you will be the snake, and finally, Pansy, will be the elephant."

"Elephant!" Pansy exclaimed, clearly offended.

"Okay, girls, let's get your make up and costumes on!" Cyra said as she clapped her hands in an official manner.

Most of their costumes consisted of leotards the color of their assigned animal. Luna had black feathers attached to hers; Lavender had a papier-mâché dorsal fin connected to her back; Cho's face was painted black and red; Hermione had whiskers painted onto her face, and so on. When all the girls were ready, they stood next to each other in one corner of the room.

"All right!" Tara said as she placed her hand over a CD player. "When I call your name, I just want you to start dancing across the room, do something you think your animal would do. Be artistic! That is the important thing." She pressed the play button and music started blaring. "HERMIONE! GO!"

Hermione wished she hadn't been first because she really had no idea what to do. She had never taken any dance classes and had no idea how a lioness would "dance."

"C'mon, Hermione!" Candy urged.

Hermione ran across the room and leapt as she did a _tour jete, _the only ballet step she was familiar with.

"Good, good," Tara said with a smile. "Ginny, you're next!"

Ginny ran across the room, her head held high like a gazelle, and did a couple leaps similar to Hermione's, but with a little more grace.

"Yes, good! I like that!" said Candy. "Luna, let's see you what you got!"

Luna stretched her arms out on either side and ran in a zigzag pattern across the room, as though she were soaring.

"Nice job, great adlib with the wings," complimented Tara. "Okay, Lavender, you're next."

"How am I supposed to pretend to be a dolphin with no water?" she pondered. Shrugging, she acted as though she were swimming as she scampered across the floor.

"Pansy, it's your turn!" called Tara.

Pansy glared at the others and proceeded to stomp across the room, using her arm as a trunk, lifting it up evey now and then.

"And last but not least, let's see Cho!" said Candy.

Cho looked baffled. "How am I suppose to get across as a snake?"

"You're in Ravenclaw," Lavender snarked. "You should be able to figure it out."

Cho glared at her.

"Cho, you're a snake, so let's see you act like a snake!" cried Cyra.

With an irritated growl, Cho got down on her stomach and started to slither across the floor. "Can I trade animals with someone?"

"Everyone did a great job capturing their animal," Candy said when everyone was on the other side of the room. "You all have some great dance moves for witches who have never done this before," she added with a wink.

"It was great meeting you all," Tara said. "But I'm afraid Candy and I must be running now. Good luck to all of you on your competition!"

After Tara and Candy left, Cyra called everyone's attention. "For your next task, you will be divided into two groups of three and will have to perform at the Magic Shack, which is a fairly new club here in London where participants are invited to go on stage and perform Muggle songs. It will be held in three days on the thirty-first, so it's best to get started as soon as possible. You will need to pick a song and buy outfits which we will give you money for. The first group will consist of Hermione, Luna, and Pansy and the second group will have Cho, Lavender, and Ginny."

----------------------------------------------------

"This is the most pointless task ever," Hermione commented later that evening. "Even more so than the time we had to put together our own outfits and Quidditch Dodgeball combined. Performing in front of a crowd? Can anyone tell me what that has to do with being a Top Witch?"

"I think it will be fun," Lavender replied.

"Me too," added Ginny. "When we were younger, Ron and I had this routine we would perform for our parents. There was this one really difficult dance move that Ron could never do, though."

"Ginny, what are you doing?" Cho exclaimed as she saw the young girl wrapping her Gushi Chiaki in red tissue paper.

"I've decided to give this to Harry for his birthday," Ginny told her.

"Wow, Gin, that's really selfless of you," Hermione noted.

"Are you insane?" Cho cried. "That's a _Gushi Chiaki _broom. You just don't give a Gushi Chiaki away and I don't care if he's your boyfriend"

"Harry still managed to catch the snitch when he was using his Firebolt, he deserves this," Ginny replied calmly. "Besides, he needs it more than I do, this might come in handy when he conquers Voldemort."

"When?" smirked Pansy

"Don't say that name!" Lavender scolded as she shuddered.

Ginny glared at Pansy. "Sorry. I don't deserve a Gushi Chiaki broom. If anyone should have one, it should be Harry. Besides, he did save my life four years ago."

"Ginny, if you give away the Gushi, you are going to regret it," Cho stated. "Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but someday, I promise. You just don't give away a priceless artifact!"

"Well, I'm sure Harry will still let her use it," Hermione replied. "And I think it's very noble of Ginny to want to give the broom to Harry."

"The Gushi, Hermione, the Gushi," Ginny reminded her. "It's never referred to as 'the broom.'"

"I still think you're mad," Cho said, shaking her head at Ginny.

---------------------------------------------------------

Harry yawned and shuffled down to the kitchen in a white t-shirt and his Snitch-patterned boxer shorts. "Morning," he mumbled to Ron who was already at the kitchen table in his bright orange robe, eating cereal. Harry poured himself some Pumpkin Pastie Crisp and requested the milk. Ron pointed his wand at it, and sent the bottle splashing down towards Harry, who managed to catch it before it flew off the end of the table.

"So what's the GP, HP?" Ron asked after Harry took a bite of cereal.

Harry swallowed quickly and stared at Ron. "I have no idea what you just said."

"Game Plan, Harry Potter."

"You're using initials now?"

"Yeah, it saves time."

"Well, not if you have to translate," Harry replied sensibly.

"GP."

"Game Plan?"

"Good Point. Anyway, I was referring to your birthday which is in two short days. You're turning seventeen, the coming of age for a young wizard, and we need to do something special. In fact, we should do something extra special to make up for my seventeenth birthday." Ron rolled his eyes.

Harry grinned. "You mean when you ate the Chocolate Cauldrons that were spiked with Romilda Vane's love potion?"

"Ugh, don't remind me. And let's not make light of that. I almost died on my birthday too, you know."

"Yes, but you're okay now, so let's not be melodramatic."

"I was thinking we could go to the Magic Shack," Ron said, getting back to the topic on hand. "Possibly get drunk, maybe even a couple of tattoos if we're really sloshed. And it just so happens, my friend, that on your birthday they're having a talent show where I'm sure there will be plenty of attractive, young witches we can admire."

"Hermione would so kick your ass if she was here right now," Harry replied.

"Yes, but she isn't, and who said we can't admire a beautiful witch even if we're taken - well, I'm taken, and you're what? On hiatus with my sister?"

Harry shrugged. "I guess you could call it that." He hadn't told Ron that he had kissed Ginny during the Quidditch Dodgeball match and Ron had been too busy celebrating their win to know about it.

"So what do you say? My treat."

Harry smiled. "Sounds great, Ron." Then he added: "You just better hope that Hermione doesn't find out!"

----------------------------------------

The remaining six girls practiced their routine whenever they could. Hermione still thought the task was ridiculous, but damned if she wasn't going to do her best. Besides, she had been chosen to be the lead singer of the song they had chosen to sing since Luna and Pansy weren't familiar with Muggle songs.

Lavender showed Ginny and Cho the outfits she had picked out for them to wear.

"You want us to wear that?" Ginny squeaked. "If my mum caught me in something like this, she would kill me!"

"Oh, would you relax?" Lavender said in an aggravated tone. "Your mum isn't going to ever find out and neither is anyone else you know."

---------------------------------------------

Harry felt something soft hit his forehead and opened his eyes.

"Wake up, Harry! Happy birthday!" he heard Ron say.

Harry sat up and noticed the object that had hit him: a pair of Ron's socks were rolled up and were caught between the mattress and the headboard. He threw them back at Ron.

"Open your presents!" Ron encouraged. "You have a whole stack!"

Harry peered over the edge of his bed to see Ron was right. "I don't even know where to start!" he laughed.

"Here, open mine first." Ron flung an orange-wrapped present Harry's way which he tore open eagerly. "Wizard Monopoly! Thanks, Ron!"

Ron grinned. "We'll have to play it sometime today."

Harry next reached for an envelope with his name written on it in calligraphy which he recognized as Hermione's handwriting. "Cool…Hermione gave me a gift certificate to Honeydukes."

Harry continued to unwrap his presents. From Hagrid he received a tin of treacle fudge. Mrs. Weasley had stitched him a green sweater (to match his eyes).

"Blimey!" exclaimed Ron. "Mum be insane to give you a sweater in the middle of summer."

Harry neatly folded it and placed it on the end of his bed. "I'm sure it will come in handy during the winter."

Fred and George had given him Self-Shuffling Playing Cards, Luna had sent him a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean, from Neville he received a package of chocolate frogs, and Remus and Tonks gave him a new book about Quidditch.

"Oh, look the Dursley's sent me something." Harry rolled his eyes as he held up a safety pin. He flung it towards the trash can where they heard it click against the metal.

"Who's that large one from?" Ron asked, pointing to the gift he had not seen before since the others had been covering it. "It looks like a broom. But would would send you a new broom? You already have a Firebolt!"

Harry picked up the gift taped in red tissue paper. "It's from Ginny!" he said with surprise as he read the card.

"Ginny!" exclaimed Ron. "But there's no way she could afford a broom…unless…" Ron's eyebrows raised in surprise. "No, it can't be. Open it, Harry!"

Harry put the card aside and ripped off the tissue paper. He soon discovered he was holding the Gushi Chiaki in his hands.

"She didn't!" Ron breathed. He had hopped off his bed and was now next to Harry, examining the limited edition broom. "I can't believe she gave you this! Anybody who would give up a Gushi is a fool! What does the card say?"

Harry reached for it and opened the envelope.

"I must say I'm a little annoyed," Ron muttered, mostly to himself. "I _am _her brother, after all."

Harry quickly scanned the card, omitting to read aloud any sections that were personal. "Well, she says happy birthday, of course. Ah, here we go. She says she's giving me the Gushi because if anyone deserves one, it's me since I caught the snitch at the game…"

"Hey, I helped you divert her to catch it!" Ron interjected.

"…and she also says it's a late thank you present for saving her from the Chamber of Secrets," Harry continued

"And I would have been right there along with you if that, you know, cave in hadn't happened."

Harry smiled. "Oh, here we go. She writes, 'P.S. If he must, Ron can have a go on it too.'"

Ron grinned. "That's more like it! C'mon, let's go try it out now! Get dressed!"

After they dressed, they both clamored down the steps, the Gushi in Harry's hand. They could smell bacon and eggs frying and waffles being made.

"Good morning, boys!" Mrs. Weasley said with a big smile as they entered the kitchen. "Happy birthday, Harry!"

"Thank you," Harry replied.

Mr. Weasley was sitting at the kitchen table, looking through _The Daily Prophet _and having his morning cup of coffee. "Seventeen, eh? You're now allowed to use magic outside of school."

"I know!" Harry grinned. "It's great!"

"Sit down, have some breakfast," Molly ushered them to the table. "I made a big breakfast just for your special day, Harry."

At that moment there was a cloud of dust and Fred and George appeared, stumbling over the other.

"Great, we're just in time for breakfast!" exclaimed George as Molly brought plates of food to the table.

"Second breakfast, actually," Fred cut in. "We already had some porridge before we left. Hey, happy birthday, Harry!"

"Blimey, Harry, is that a Gushi Chiaki?" George questioned as he came closer to inspect the broom.

"Yeah," said Ron, who was already sitting down, his face mouth stuffed with bacon. "Ginny gave it to him."

"Ginny, eh?" Fred said as he raised his eyebrow at George and they both snickered. "Someobody lo-oves you."

Harry blushed.

"Oh, quit teasing him, you two," Molly scolded as she brought over two plates of food for her twin sons.

For the rest of the afternoon, Harry, Ron, Fred, and George went outside to fly on the Gushi. Harry was very considerate and let the three of them fly it as well, if they promised to be careful with it. After Fred and George had to go back, Harry and Ron played a couple rounds of Wizard Monopoly. Later that evening they got dressed to go to the Magic Shack and both apparated there.

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"Okay, you two remember your lines, right?" Hermione asked Luna and Pansy.

They were just about to go on stage and perform. Hermione was wearing a pair of low-cut jeans and a black tank top, the same as her back up singers.

Pansy nodded and Luna asked, "What's a jukebox?"

"It's something that plays music."

"What's rock and roll?" asked Pansy.

"Okay, you girls are up!" a tall, thin witch, with half black and half white hair, signaled for the three of them to head for the stage.

Hermione stood in the center, in front of her MagicMike, with Luna on her left and Pansy on her right. As the curtain opened, the music started to play and Hermione sang into the MagicMike:

"_I saw him dancing there by the record machine,_

_I knew he must a been about seventeen._

_The beat was going strong, playing my favorite song_

_And I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with me, yeah me, singing-"_

Hermione was nervous at first, but began to relax and have fun as she soon discovered that the sound system was devised to work so that anyone singing would sound like a professional. She looked behind her shoulder to nod at Luna and Pansy, telling them it was their turn.

"_I love rock 'n roll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby._

_I love rock 'n roll, so come and take your time and dance with me."_

Hermione sang the next verse, loosening up a little and moving around the stage. She smiled, as the crowd was now getting into the song, clapping their hands to the music and singing along with the chorus. It wasn't until near the end of the song when she noticed two very familiar people walk in: a tall redhead and a raven haired boy with glasses. As they found seats near the front, she suddenly remembered it was Harry's birthday. Interesting they had come here to celebrate out of all the places, she thought, but tried not to let it break her concentration as she continued to sing.

---------------------------------------------

Harry and Ron walked into the Magic Shack where Harry recognized _I Love Rock and Roll _being sung. They found a table near the front and a waitress came by to take their order.

"Bring us double butterbeers!" Ron told her. "We're celebrating tonight!"

"Hey!" said Harry as he intently stared at the stage. "That lead singer up there looks a lot like Hermione!"

Ron looked at the stage, rubbed his eyes, and looked again. "Blimey, Harry! I think that _is _Hermione! And that's Luna and Pansy behind her."

"Wow, I've never seen her wear such tight pants."

Ron glared at Harry as his best mate kept on looking at Hermione with a dazed expression. He punched him in the shoulder.

"Oww!" Harry rubbed his shoulder and came out of his trance.

"Avert your eyes!"

Hermione noticed them and gave a litle wave and raised her eyebrow at them.

"I wonder why she's here?" mused Harry. "Do you think it has something to do with their Top Witch competition?"

Ron shrugged. "That or maybe they're just having some fun. Who knows?" He looked a little worried. "Although I hope she's not mad that I'm here. Well, if she is, I'll just tell her it was your idea to come here and I couldn't argue with you since it is your birthday."

Harry rolled his eyes.

--------------------------------------

Everyone clapped wildly when the song ended and Hermione, Luna, and Pansy all bowed. Hermione hurried back to the back room where Ginny, Cho, and Lavender were waiting to go next.

"Just a warning," she said to Ginny, "Ron and Harry are here."

Ginny's eyes widened in shock. "What? Why?"

Hermione shrugged. "Beats me. They must have come here to celebrate Harry's birthday. Granted I'm not very happy Ron came to a place with a bunch of skimpy dressed witches." She scowled.

"And Harry's here with him? Ooh, I swear to Merlin I'm going to take back my Gushi Chiaki!"

The girls were called on to the stage and before they left, Hermione cried out, "Wait, Lavender!"

Ginny watched Hermione whisper something in Lavender's ear who smiled and eagerly nodded in return. Hermione gave her a stern look before they left. Ginny wanted to ask Lavender what that was all about, but didn't have time as they lined up across the stage, Lavender in the middle, Cho on her right, and Ginny on her left. They took their poses as the music started and the curtain went up.

--------------------------------------------------

Harry had been eating pretzels and began to choke at what he saw when the curtain raised for the next act. Ginny, Lavender, and Cho were wearing black leather skirts, skin-tight tops, and black leather boots. For an added effect, Ginny was wearing a white leather cap and Cho was not only wearing a spiked leather collar, but also had a whip she kept snapping on the floor. Lavender sang the first verse:

"_That old dog has chained you up alright  
Give you everything you need  
To live inside a twisted cage  
Sleep beside an empty rage  
I had a dream I was your hero."_

"Hey! That's Ginny up there!" Ron exclaimed, his mouth agape in horror and fury. "What the hell is she doing? I can't look at this, she's my sister!" He covered his eyes with his hands and moved his fingers so one blue eye was peeping out at Harry. "Hey, why are you still watching?"

"She's not my sister!" Harry grinned. Ron scowled at him.

Ginny and Cho sang along with Lavender to the chorus, moving their bodies in a sensual way:

"_Damn I wish I was your lover  
I'll rock you till the daylight comes  
Make sure you are smiling and warm  
I am everything  
Tonight I'll be your mother I will  
Do such things to ease your pain  
Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed."_

"What _are _they singing about?" Ron questioned, his hands still covering his eyes. "It sounds a bit racy!"

"Uh huh…" Harry trailed off as he was still looking at the three girls, two of which were ex-girlfriends.

After a few more verses, Lavender had started to step down on the stage and sauntered towards Ron and Harry's table. Ron nearly jumped when Lavender squeezed her way between him and the table and began to proceed to give him a lap dance, her back squirming against his body.

"If I was your girl believe me  
I'd turn on the Rolling Stones  
We could groove along and feel much better  
I could do it forever and ever  
Give me an hour to kiss you  
Walk through heaven's door I'm sure  
We don't need no doctor to feel much better  
Let me in forever and ever and ever and ever."

As she sang, she ran her hand in his hair and down his face.

Ron had his eyes squeezed shut and kept murmuring, "Think of Mum, think of Mum, think of Mum."

"Think of Snape," Harry suggested with a laugh.

"Think of Snape, think of Snape, think of Snape," Ron repeated.

Lavender smiled brightly at Ron, hopped off him, and ran back to the stage.

"I hope you didn't enjoy that, or Hermione is going to kill you!" Harry whispered to Ron with a grin.

Ron glared at him.

The song ended, the girls bowed and headed backstage. Ron got up. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" Harry asked, confused.

"I have a few words to mince with my sister."

"Uh, Ron…I don't think that's a good idea," Harry started, but Ron was already heading backstage. Sighing, Harry followed him.

The six girls were talking animatedly when Ron stomped up to Ginny who was standing next to Hermione.

"Ginevra Molly Weasley!" he loudly proclaimed. "What do you think you were doing out there?"

"Hi, Ron, enjoy your little lap dance?" Hermione asked with a smirk.

Ron blushed. "Uh, I didn't enjoy it!"

Lavender, who was sitting on a couch, giggled. "Oh, I think you did enjoy it, Ronald."

Hermione glared at her. "You went on longer than I told you to!"

"You told her to give him a lap dance?" Harry laughed.

"Yes, I wanted him to feel guilty for coming here."

"Hey, I'm not the one up there showcasing my body," Ron replied haughtily. He turned back to his sister. "Which is what I can't say for you. You're barely covered. Put something on! Harry, give Ginny your shirt."

Shrugging, Harry started to take his shirt off.

"Yeah, Harry take it off," Ginny said with a devious grin.

Scowling, Ron stopped his friend from removing his shirt and proceeded to take off his own shirt. He rolled his eyes as the girls started cat calling at him. "Here, put this on." He tried to shove the shirt over his sister's head, but she resisted him.

They heard music start to play and the witch with the black and white hair hurried over to them. "Who's next?" she asked frantically. "You!" She grabbed Ron's hand and pushed him towards the stage.

"What? I'm not in this show!" Ron said in a frantic voice.

The girls and Harry laughed as they watched Ron start to nervously sway a bit to the music. He seemed to get a bit of a confidence boost as young witches screamed their approvals and was now dancing in full force.

"Oh, Merlin," Ginny laughed. "We can't miss this. Let's go out there to have a better view." She grabbed Harry's hand and Cho grabbed his other hand and he could feel the other girls behind him, giggling and pushing him out of the door. On the way out he was met with a bright flash.

Ron was now grinning and dancing like a fool, enjoying every minute of the attention he was getting. One witch in the crowd screamed for him to "take them off!" but he shook his head swiftly.

Harry took Ginny's hand and led her to a more quiet corner. "I just wanted to tell you thank you for the Gushi. That was really nice of you to give it to me…but are you really sure you wanted to do that? It is a Gushi Chiaki after all."

Ginny smiled. "Well, at least you know how important it is. And yes, I did mean to give it to you. Like I said, nobody deserves it more than you. Although I was a little tempted to make you give it back after Hermione told me you were here with Ron." She attempted to hold back a laugh, but failed.

"Hey, it was Ron's idea to come here for my birthday," Harry defended himself.

"Oh, I figured that. I know my brother." Ginny rolled her eyes. "I hope Hermione gives him the bitch slap he deserves."

"Oh, I think she probably thinks that's punishment enough," Harry said laughing, indicating towards the stage.

--------------------------------------

It had been a long night and Ron and Harry were barely awake, eating their breakfast when Fred and George suddenly appeared in the kitchen. They were both wearing wide grins and George was carrying a copy of the day's _Daily Prophet. _

"Guess who made Page Six?" Fred said with a large grin. "Harry, mate, we didn't know you were so popular with the ladies."

"Huh?" Harry asked, a little more awake now.

George tossed him the newspaper. "You know, we're a little disappointed that you didn't invite us to the Magic Shack to celebrate your birthday."

Harry had turned to the sixth page and was now wide awake. "Oh, Merlin!" he muttered. Staring right at him was a photo of him surrounded by Ginny, Hermione, Cho, Luna, Pansy, and Lavender. The headline read **HARRY POTTER CELEBRATES 17TH BIRTHDAY IN A SPECIAL WAY! **It didn't help that Ginny had put her hat on him and Cho was cracking her whip to the side and Lavender was licking his ear. (Huh…he hadn't remembered that).

Ron grabbed the paper from him and stared at it, his mouth open. "You look like a pimp!"

"I know!" Harry snapped. "Effing _Daily Prophet! _Everybody is going to see this!" He buried his head in his hands. "This is just what I need!"

------------------------------------

It was time for the fifth elimination. The six girls stood in front of Fleur, Cyra, and Crunk.

"I 'ave six beautiful weetches een front of me. Only five of you weel move on to ze next round and one of you weel be asked to pack your belongings and leave," said Fleur. "All of you gave wonderful performances at Ze Magic Shack. And ze winner of ze task eese Lavender!"

Lavender squealed excitedly. "Yay! I finally won one!"

"As ze winner of zis task, you 'ave won a shopping spree to ze Kumquat Republic! Congratulations, you are still een ze running to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch."

Lavender squealed again more loudly.

Fleur next named Ginny, Hermione, and Luna.

"Weel Cho and Pansy please step forward?" Fleur requested.

The girls glanced at each other and did as they were told.

"We really don't know wheech one of you to send 'ome," Fleur confessed. "Ze reason you are both een ze bottom two are because of your attitudes. We feel as zough you've both 'ad bad attitudes at times and we are giving you ze chance to defend your case. Pansy, you can go first."

Pansy started laughing.

Fleur glared at her. "Eese zis a joke to you?"

"No."

"Do you now zat you 'ave a possibility to win? Do you know zat all of 'Ogwarts eese rooting for you? Do you know zat?"

"We are?" Lavender muttered under her breath to the other girls.

"And zen you come een here and you treat zis like a joke?"

"I never had a chance to win this stupid competition anyway, I'm a Slytherin!" Pansy spatted. "I'm surprised I lasted this long."

"Zis ees not…be quiet, Pansy! BE QUIET! WHAT EESE WRONG WEETH YOU? STOP EET!! I 'AVE NEVER EEN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE ZIS! WHEN _MA MERE _YELLS LIKE ZIS EET'S BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME! I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! 'OW DARE YOU! LEARN SOMEZING FROM ZIS! WHEN YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT YOU LAY ZERE AND YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE NOBODY'S GOING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOU. YOU'RE ROLLING YOUR EYES, YOU ACT LIKE EET'S CAUSE YOU 'EARD IT ALL BEFORE. YOU 'EARD IT ALL BEFORE? YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE ZE HELL I COME FROM. YOU 'AVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE BEEN ZROUGH. BUT I'M NOT A VICTIM. I GROW FROM EET

AND I LEARN. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF!"

"Whoa, was that all about?" Ginny muttered. "That came out of nowhere."

Cho looked positively afraid and dared not speak when Fleur announced she would continue on to the next round.

Five girls remain…WHO will be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?


	7. Chapter 6

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Chapter 6: The Girl Who Is Too Curious About Hagrid's Parents

_Mervin Crunk is a character from my story "I'm Not a Muggle, Not Yet a Wizard (found under the penname MakeYouHappy), but this is NOT a sequel to that story._

_You voted and your Cover Witch of the Week is Luna Lovegood! "Luna is wacky and wonderful," Orla Quirke owled us. "Lisa Turpin writes, "Luna is compassionate and a dreamer - a trait for ALL Top Witches!" Thank you for voting in this week's Cover Witch poll!_

_--------------------------------------------------_

Fleur had seemed to calm down after her little outburst because once Pansy had left to leave, she turned to the remaining girls and with a bright smile said, "Please follow me."

"Is it time for the next task already?" Lavender asked, surprised.

"_Non, non_, zis eesn't so much of a task as a requirement for every Top Weetch to know."

Shrugging, the girls followed her down a hall and into another small room where two stools stood side by side.

"As you can imagine, ze winner of zis competition weel be interviewed by ze press and eet eese very important to know 'ow to answer questions, what to say, and when NOT to answer questions. You weel all take turns, one girl weel be ze interviewer and ze ozzer weel be ze interviewee. You may ask ze girl you are interviewing anyzing you want. We weel start weeth Cho asking ze questions and 'Ermione weel be answering zem."

Cho and Hermione each took a seat on the stool as Fleur, Ginny, Luna, and Lavender settled comfortably on the floor to watch them.

"Good day," Cho said into the MagicMike she was holding. "Cho Chang here with Hogwarts' Next Top Witch winner, Hermione Granger. Tell me, Hermione, how does it feel to be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?"

"Well, I'm very flattered, of course," Hermione replied, playing along. "Although, I'm not really all that surprised since I am one the top students at Hogwarts-"

"_Non, non, non_!" Fleur interrupted her. "Never sound conceited."

"But I wasn't being conceited," Hermione replied honestly. "It's the truth!"

"Even so, eet eese best to remain modest. Okay, continue."

"Hermione, as you mentioned, you are one of the brightest students at Hogwarts. Can you tell us why you were sorted into Gryffindor instead of Ravenclaw?"

"Well, the Sorting Hat did consider putting me in Ravenclaw," Hermione replied, "but settled on Gryffindor which was my preference anyway, so that probably had to do with why I'm in the House I'm in now."

Cho leaned in, and said in almost a conspiratorial voice, "Tell me, were there any girls in the competition that you couldn't stand?"

Hermione gave a sideway glance at Lavender, thought better, and replied with, "Well, Pansy was a bit of a slob around the house and Romilda -"

"Stop!" Fleur called. "Never say anyzing bad about anyone else. Eet makes you come off looking like a gossip and not at all pleasant. But Cho was right for asking eet because you weel get questions like zat. All ze tabloid magazines love a good scandal! Okay, let's change. Luna you weel now be interviewing Lavender."

Hermione and Cho got down from the stools, Cho handing the MagicMike to Luna.

"Hello, my name is Luna Lovegood, writer for the _Quibbler. _I am here to interview the winner of Hogwarts' Next Top Witch, Lavender Brown."

Lavender gave a big, toothy smile.

"Lavender, how did it feel to win the competition?"

"Actually it was like a dream come true for me," Lavender replied, the smile still pasted on her face. "Of course I wanted to win, but I actually didn't think I would actually win!"

"Lavender, let me ask you: do you believe in Crumple-Horned Snorkacks?"

Looking surprised and the smile leaving her face, Lavender replied with, "Actually, I haven't given that much thought."

"Have you ever seen a Threstal?"

"Actually, no." Lavender looked a bit shocked at the question.

"Luna, why don't you ask her questions zat 'ave more to do weeth ze competition?" Fleur suggested gently. "And Lavender, try not to say 'actually' so much."

"Do I say actually a lot?" Lavender asked.

"Yes!" the other girls shouted in unison.

"Okay, um…" Luna's big silver eyes rolled up to the ceiling as she thought of a question. "How was it competing with Hermione Granger when you once dated her boyfriend?"

Lavender scowled. "Well, I can tell you right now that it felt great beating her! I don't know what Ron sees in her - she's so boring and so studious."

"Ahem, I'm right here!" Hermione shouted angrily.

"Okay, okay, okay," Fleur quickly intervened. "Let's not get nasty. Interviewers are most likely to pry into your personal lives, but try not to let eet get to you. Luna, you move over to Lavender's seat and Ginny you weel now interview Luna."

After some slight shifting, Ginny took the MagicMike and said, "This is Ginny Weasley here with Hogwarts' Next Top Witch winner, Luna Lovegood. Tell me Luna, now that you've won the competition, what are you going to do now?"

"I would love to go to Tokyo," Luna replied. "I've always wanted to learn how to speak Tokyanese with the Tokyians."

"Um, we may 'ave to work more on your interview skills, Luna," said Fleur.

Once everyone had been both the interviewer and interviewee, they returned back to their suite.

------------------------------------------------

Just as Harry had predicted (and feared), Mr. and Mrs. Weasley found out about him being in _The Daily Prophet _in no time. That same morning, they walked in, Mrs. Weasley with a stern look on her face, the newspaper rolled up in her hand. Mr. Weasley was behind her with an amused expression on his face.

Mrs. Weasley marched over to where Ron was sitting and thwacked him over the head with the newspaper.

"Ow!" exclaimed Ron, covering his head in protection as Fred and George snickered.

"Young man, what were you thinking?" she demanded. "I know it was your idea to go to that despicable club and now look at what happened to poor Harry!" She slammed the paper down, the page opened to the infamous photo of Harry and the girls. "Now, Harry, dear, I know you didn't do anything with my daughter or any of the other girls." Her voice had toned down as it usually did when she addressed Harry.

"No, of course not," Harry said quickly.

"Harry, my lad, if you weren't an honorary Weasley already, you certainly are now," Mr. Weasley said with a chuckle. "The Weasley men have always had a way with the ladies and it looks like you're no exception."

Mrs. Weasley turned to face him, hands on her hips. "Arthur, you are NOT helping."

Ron, Fred, and George were all trying to stifle laughs.

"And did you see what your daughter was wearing, or not wearing, I should say?"

"Oh, Molly, I hear that's what Muggle girls wear."

"And you're using that as an excuse?"

"Well, no, I just, uh," Mr. Weasley stammered. He looked at his three sons and Harry for help, but they just shrugged.

Mrs. Weasley gave a little harrumph.

-------------------------------------------

There was a knock on the door and Cho opened it to reveal Fleur. "Allo!" she said brightly. "I 'ave come een person to tell you about your next task!"

"So soon?" said Lavender. "We just had the last one yesterday!"

"Your next mission won't be until tomorrow," Fleur explained. "I just wanted to ask eef anyone eese aware of what a Weetch-See eese?"

The other girls looked at each other and shrugged.

"A Witch-See?" Luna repeated.

"_Oui_, zat eese going to be your next task. And seeing as nobody eese aware of what eet eese, I shall explain eet to you. Tomorrow we weel be going to 'Ogwarts. Some of ze professors 'ave been so kind as to return as well to 'elp weeth ze task. You weel 'ave one 'our to go to as many of ze following subjects: Transfiguration, Potions, Divinations, Muggle Studies, 'Isotry of Magic, Arithmancy, 'Erbology, Charms, and Care of Magical Creatures. Een each class, you weel spend about ten minutes weeth ze professor and zey will ask you to perform your abilities een zat field of study or zey weel ask you to do a particular zing. Only one girl eese allowed een one class at a time and at ze end of one 'our you weel be expected to return to ze Great Hall."

"So we're just showing our skills in the classes you mentioned?" Cho asked.

Fleur nodded. "Precisely."

---------------------------------

Because they were going back to their school, the girls were given back their wands and were wearing their school robes.

"And here I was thinking that I'd never again have to wear these robes or set foot in that school," Cho sighed as the Knight Bus took them to their destination. "Not that I don't mind, of course, but seven years is an awfully long time."

Hermione was feeling particularly confident. Seeing as she always did well in every class, she figured she was going to finish the fastest.

When they had arrived at Hogwarts, Fleur said, "Okay, remember, you all 'ave one 'our to go to as many classes as you can. You 'ave your checklist, _oui_?"

The five girls nodded and showed her the piece of paper with all the classes listed. When each girl had passed a class, the professor was supposed to initial the box next to the class name.

"Good. And remember to report back to ze Great Hall when you are done. _Bonne Chance!"_

The girls split up.

---------------------------------------

Hermione had already gone to History of Magic (she figured she would start there since nobody else would be rushing to it - she was right. After reciting important dates in the Goblin Rebellion, Professor Binns had "signed" his name by breathing heavily onto the square box so a misty substance showed up); Muggle Studies (Professor Belding had her identify all the components of a computer - piece of cake!); Potions (Slughorn was more than delighted with her Pepperup Potion); Charms, and Arithmancy.

Glancing down at her parchment, she decided Transfiguration would be her next destination. Hagrid's hut and the Herbology greenhouse were too far away and she didn't really feel like dealing with Professor Trelawney.

As she hurried to Professor McGonagall's class, she soon found out that Lavender had the same idea because as Hermione rounded the corner, Lavender was at the other end of the corridor. The door to the Transfiguration classroom was directly in the middle. Both girls looked at each other, than at the door, which seemed to be beckoning both of them.

Both girls had their wands by their sides. Slowly Lavender lifted hers and pointed it at Hermione.

"Bitch, you wouldn't even dare-"

"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" Lavender screamed.

But Hermione was too quick for her. She blocked the purple jet of light that shot out of Lavender's wand and screamed, "RICTUSEMPRA!"

The red sparks hit Lavender and she began to giggle uncontrollably, more so than usual. As she bended over with laughter, Hermione dashed to the classroom. She opened the door and Professor McGonagall smiled when she saw Hermione. "Ah, Miss Granger…"

-------------------------------------------------

Luna had already gotten signatures from Professors McGonagall and Flitwick. She was just about to go to Muggle Studies, but Lavender had beaten her to it and she was giggling like mad. Shrugging, Luna decided to head for Hagrid's hut. Most of the girls seemed to be staying in the castle, so she felt sure nobody else would be there. Besides, there was something she had always wanted to ask Hagrid.

"Come on in!" called Hagrid's gruff voice when Luna knocked on his door.

Luna opened it to find Hagrid sitting at his table, a large bowl of soup in front of him. His boarhound, Fang, was curled up on the rug, asleep.

"Hiya, Luna." Hagrid nodded at her. "You're the first one to see me. I'm supposed to show yeh a few animals and see what you know 'bout 'em -"

"Is that cabbage soup?" Luna asked. "It sure smells good. Can I have some? I'm starved!"

"Sure yeh can!" Hagrid said eagerly and ladled up a bowl for Luna who sat down next to him.

"Hagrid, you're half human and half giant, right?" Luna asked.

"I sure am!" Hagrid replied proudly. "Me dad was a wizard and me mum was a giant!"

Luna blinked her large silver eyes. "If you don't mind me asking, how were you, uh, created?"

"Well, you see, Luna," Hagrid said looking quite uncomfortable, "when two people love each other very much, they -"

"I know all about that!" Luna said quickly. "I'm not that thick. No, I just wanted to know how is it physically possible with a human and a giant? Don't giants grow to be anywhere from twenty to twenty-five feet and I'm guessing your dad was maybe a little taller than six feet. My dad is six four."

"Me dad was a couple inches higher than six feet," Hagrid replied.

"Okay, so how is that possible?" Luna asked after taking another bite of stew.

Hagrid frowned.

"Isn't this something you've ever wondered?" Luna questioned. "Hey, do you have anything to drink?"

Hagrid got up to pour her some tea. "Well I'm sure me dad made himself a potion to drink so he could be the same size as my mum," he said as he handed the cup to Luna.

"Hagrid, you know there's nobody more open-minded than me," Luna said as she took a sip of her tea. "In fact, if I were any more open-minded, my brain would probably fall out, but I must say I don't understand how your father could fall in love with your mother. Giants aren't known to be the most friendly or articulate of creatures. And they're also not very attractive. Now I know people say that I could take better care of my hair, but let's face it, appearances are very important when it comes to relationships."

"Hey, dontcha talk 'bout me mum like that!" Hagrid said, angrily taking away Luna's bowl of stew.

"Hey! I wasn't done with that!"

"I think it's time yeh go, young girl. Yeh asking me too many questions!"

"But I haven't identified the creatures you wanted!" Luna sputtered. "And I didn't mean to upset you, I was just curious!"

"Yeh, well, yeh can go be curious somewhere else!" Hagrid said curtly.

Before Hagrid could get any more angry, Luna slipped out of his hut and headed for the Greenhouse.

---------------------------------------------

Ginny glanced at the Marauder's Map. She knew it might be considered cheating, so she always stuffed it into her pocket when she came across one of the other girls (which the map came in handy for). Harry had given her the map on the train ride back from Hogwarts' last summer and told her how to use it. He said since it was likely he wouldn't be returning, he wanted her to have it. Ginny was going to ask him why he just didn't give it to Ron or Hermione, but she knew, as well as he did, that they would be joining him on his quest.

She was sitting at the bottom of a staircase. She saw that Hermione was headed for the North Tower, Lavender was in the dungeon, Luna was way out by Hagrid's hut, and it looked like Cho was heading for Charms, a class she still needed. If she ran really fast there was a chance she could beat Cho to it.

"Mischief managed," Ginny muttered, pointing the wand at the map and stuffing it back into her pocket. She got up and sprinted down the hall, running faster as her robes billowed behind her and her hair whipped in the air. She was just rounding the corner - almost in slow motion - when she saw Cho strolling nonchalantly towards the Charms classroom. Cho, widening her eyes at seeing Ginny, had picked up the pace, but it was no use, Ginny had beaten her. She was running so fast that she ran headlong into the door.

"Ow!" Ginny rubbed her forehead. She gave Cho a quick smile and entered the room.

------------------------------------------

"Um, could you hurry up please?" Hermione asked as politely as she could, glancing at her watch. "I have to be back at the Great Hall in ten minutes."

"Omm…omm…ommm…" Professor Trelawney was hovering over her crystal ball. "You will soon meet a new friend, my dear!"

"Yeah, that's great." Hermione yawned. She was beginning to regret coming here in the first place. She knew she should have tried going to Hagrid's or the Greenhouse instead.

"Oh!" Professor Trelawney gasped in horror.

"What is it?" Hermione asked, irritably.

"Your new friend - you must warn her about the mayor! I see a giant snake!"

"What?" Hermione asked thoroughly confused. "Mayor? Snake?"

"Omm…ommm." Professor Trelawney had her eyes closed.

"Listen, if you could just sign this box and I'll be on my way."

------------------------------

Harry and Ron were heading to Ginny's room to clean her pygmy puff's cage because Mrs. Weasley had asked them (or rather, demanded as she was still a little peeved over the photo) since the stench was getting quite bad.

"Ugh, it smells worse than dragon dung in here!" Ron exclaimed as they entered her room.

"Maybe not as bad," Harry replied as he stepped over Hermione's stuff to open the window. "But pretty close."

Ron plugged his nose with one hand and scooped out Arnold with the other and handed him to Harry who placed him on the bed. Arnold's small nose twitched as he sniffed around his new surroundings.

Ron pointed his wand at the cage and said, "Scougify!" Instantly the cage was cleaned. Ron filled the water and food bowls and Harry moved the exercise wheel.

Ron stared at him. "What are you doing, Harry?"

"I thought he might want a change of scenery."

Ron rolled his eyes. "It's a pygmy puff, Harry!"

"Shhh!" Harry hissed and held up a hand. He could hear music from down the hall. It appeared Fred and George were still using Hermione's portable CD player.

"_Listen up everybody, if you wanna take a chance,_

_Just get on the floor and do the New Kids dance."_

"The hell?" Harry said. "Are they listening to New Kids on the Block? Ugh, I thought they had disappeared back in the early '90s. I feel like I'm reliving a nightmare."

Ron frowned. "New Kids on the Block?"

"Yeah, they were this sucky boy band that were really popular with the Muggle girls back in the eighties and early nineties…which I guess would explain why Hermione has one of their CDs." He rolled his eyes. "But honestly, even I thought she'd have better taste in music than that!"

They could now hear Fred and George singing along with the chorus.

"We have to stop your brothers! C'mon!"

Harry ran down the hall with Ron following him. The music was coming from the twin's old room. Harry burst the door open. Fred and George were singing and dancing:

"_Everybody's always talking about who's on top  
Don't cross our paths cause you're gonna get stopped  
We ain't gonna give anybody any slack  
And if you try to keep us up we're gonna come right back."_

Without hesitation, Harry turned off the music.

"Hey, whatcha do that for?" Fred demanded.

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you listen to this atrocity, I just can't," Harry said.

"Fred and I were quite enjoying it, thank you very much," George said in a haughty voice.

"What if I told you the group you're listening to is basically a joke in the Muggle world?" Harry asked. "Hmm?" He raised his eyebrows at the twins.

"This? A joke?" Fred asked, astonished. "But the music is so catchy!"

Harry shook his head. "New Kids on the Block are one of the worst groups ever to exist. If we are all Hermione's true friend, we would break that CD into a million pieces."

"Don't you think you're over reacting a bit?" Ron asked. "It's just music."

Harry turned sharply to his best mate. "Listen, Ron, if you had to endure the pain I did growing up with the Durleys and having to listen to Dudley play his New Kids on the Block cassettes, you'd understand the agony I went through."

Ron frowned. "I thought you said this group was popular with Muggle girls."

"Well, yeah, for the most part, but my cousin is an idiot who listened to crappy music and probably still does." Harry lifted the lid and took the CD out. He then proceeded to break it in half, then broke those halves in halves, threw the four broken pieces on the floor and stomped on them. "Wow, I feel so much better."

Shrugging, George chose another CD to play and Harry and Ron headed back to Ginny's room. Harry was in front of Ron and stopped suddenly in the doorframe making Ron run right into him.

"Ow!" Ron said. "What's wrong?"

"Um, tell me what's wrong with this picture," Harry said and moved to the side so Ron could see.

Crookshanks was sitting on the edge of the bed, purring so loudly that both boys could hear him from where they were standing. Hedwig was situated on the windowsill and hooted happily when she saw Harry.

"Uh, where's Arnold?" Ron asked.

"You tell me. He was on the bed," Harry said. They both approached the bed to closer examine it. "But, uh, he doesn't appear to be anymore."

"Harry, are you a little concerned that Arnold is missing and there's a cat and an owl in the room?"

"Why, yes, Ron, I am, I am quite concerned about that."

"You don't think that-"

"Let's try not to jump to that conclusion just yet. Maybe Arnold went under the covers to hide from Crookshanks." Harry was running his hand over the bedspread to see if he could feel something small moving underneath, but there was nothing.

Ron was checking under the bed to see if Arnold had somehow gotten down there. Again, nothing.

"Okay, let's not panic, not just yet," Harry said with a wavering voice. "I'm sure Arnold is around here somewhere. He could be anywhere in the house. He's small, so he could have easily fit into any nook or cranny. We'll just keep our eyes peeled for him."

"Why is Crookshanks licking his chops?" Ron asked in a high voice. "Don't cats do that just after they've eaten?"

"You know what, Ron? We may have to pay a visit to your brother's store."

---------------------------------------------

Having finally gotten Professor Trelawney's initials, Hermione hurried to the Great Hall with just minutes to spare. She had met up with Ginny and they were the first to reach the Great Hall, but Cho and Lavender came in soon afterwards.

"Where's Luna?" asked Hermione.

Luna came hurrying in five minutes after she was supposed to be there. Fleur frowned slightly at her, but took her piece of parchment.

"Okay, everyone, eet ees time to go back," Fleur announced. "I weel be consulting 'ow you did at your Weetch-Sees on ze way 'ome and ze elimination weel take place tonight."

All the girls groaned.

--------------------------------------

That evening Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Cho, and Lavender headed for the elimination. When they entered the room, Hermione was not at all pleased with what she saw. Sitting at the judges table were Fleur, Cyra, and Crunk, as usual, but there was also a fourth person: Mervin Crunk, Pervin Crunk's son.

"What is HE doing here?" Hermione demanded.

"Hermione, my sweet wittle English pie tart!" Mervin cried as he got up from his chair. Hermione thought it was a miracle he hadn't already broken it because he wasn't what you would exactly call "light." She was sure Fleur or Cyra must have cast an unbreakable charm on the chair.

Pervin chuckled as Mervin rushed to the other side of the table. "You lovely ladies remember my handsome and intelligent son, Mervin, I am sure? He is visiting me from his summer boarding school and I have allowed him to be a guest judge for today's elimination. Mervin is quite smooth with the ladies."

Lavender gave a loud snort.

"When he said "handsome and intelligent," did he really mean to say repulsive and idiotic?" Cho muttered under her breath.

Mervin was now in front of the girls. He reached for Hermione's hand and tried to kiss it, but Hermione slapped him across the face. "Don't touch me, you bastard!" she screamed at him.

"Hermione, my love, how can you talk to me like that?" Mervin lower lip trembled. "You're not dating that redhead, are you? I can give you so much more pleasure than he ever could."

"Ugh, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth," Hermione gagged.

"And who are you?" Mervin had now turned to Ginny who was looking at him with wary eyes. "Why aren't you Weasley's little sister? My, you sure have grown up quite nicely." He was obviously looking her up and down and even stepped behind her to stare at her butt.

"Ewww! You are such a pervert!" Ginny turned and kicked him in the shins.

"OWWWWWWW!" Mervin yelped. "What is it with you Weasley's? First Ron beats me up, now you?"

"You should've aimed higher, Gin," Lavender snerked.

"Honestly, Mervin, you are such a disgusting pig," Hermione huffed. "I can't believe you would -"

"Oh, don't worry, my dear, I still only have eyes for you," Mervin replied.

"Ahem," said Fleur. "Can we please begin ze elimination now?" She frowned at Pervin, she was obviously not happy he had brought his son.

"Mervin, come back and sit, son," said Pervin.

Once Mervin was back in his chair, still massaging his fresh bruise, Fleur stood up. "For ze most part, you all did very well at ze Weetch-Sees. Ze winner of zis task eese 'Ermione. She got ze most top marks een Potions, Charms, Transfigurations, Divinations, Muggle Studies, 'Istory of Magic, and Arithmancy. Congratulations, 'Ermione, you are steel een ze running to become 'Ogwarts Next Top Weetch."

"Yeah, go Hermione!" Mervin clapped loudly. "That's my sexy little witch!"

"Shut up!" Hermione hissed scathingly at him.

"Cho, you managed to visit ze following six classes: Charms, Transfiguration, Arithmancy, Muggle Studies, Potions, and 'Erbology. You are also steel een ze running to become 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch." Fleur waited until Cho had stepped over beside Hermione before continuing. "Ginny, congratulations, you are steel in ze running to become 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch weeth getting marks een ze following five classes: Charms, Transfigurations, Muggle Studies, Potions, and Arithmancy."

Lavender was now shuffling nervously.

"Weel Lavender and Luna please step forward?" Fleur requested solemnly. "You two both visited ze least amount of classes. Lavender, you only got to Charms, Divinations, Muggle Studies, and Potions. Luna, you only managed to visit Charms, Transfigurations, and 'Erbology een an 'our. 'Owever, you were five minutes past ze meeting time. Lavender, congratulations, you are steel een ze running to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch."

Lavender let out an audible breath she had been holding in as she stepped over to join Hermione, Ginny, and Cho. Luna hugged everyone good-bye and wished them all good luck. She didn't seem to sad that she had been eliminated. If anything, she couldn't wait to get home and tell her dad about her experience in a Muggle hotel.

After Luna had left, Fleur turned to the remaining girls and said, "Congratulations on making ze final four! You should all be proud of yourselves for making eet zis far. Eet eese now time for you all to return to ze suite and pack your bags because en a few 'ours you weel all be going to -"

Four girls remain…WHO will be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?


	8. Chapter 7

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Chapter 7: The Girl Who Received a Compliment From the Vampire Slayer

_Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ _belongs to Joss Whedon. I also used material from Arrested Development, Mallrats, and 24.  
_

"Eet eese now time for you all to return to ze suite and pack your bags because een a few 'ours you weel all be going to Sunnydale!"

"WE'RE GOING TO SUNNYDALE!" Lavender screamed excitedly. She paused. "Where's Sunnydale?"

"Wait a minute," said Hermione, "this wouldn't be Sunnydale, California, would it?"

"_Oui_." Fleur frowned quizzically at her. "You 'ave 'eard of eet?"

"Yes, I didn't know it actually existed, though. I thought it was a fictional place," Hermione replied. "As far as I know, Sunnydale is the home of Buffy Summers, the Vampire Slayer."

"The what?" asked Cho.

"That name sounds familiar," said Ginny.

"That's because I've told you about her," Hermione said as she frowned at Fleur. "Buffy isn't a real person, though. She's a character on a Muggle telly show."

"_Non, non_!" cried Fleur. "Buffy Summers eese very much a real person. What you don't know eese zat Joss Whedon created ze show because 'e knows Mademoiselle Summers."

"Joss Whedon is a wizard?" Hermione asked disbelievingly.

"Who's Joss Whedon?" asked Lavender.

"_Non_, 'e eese a Muggle. 'E just 'appens to know ze right people," replied Fleur. "Now listen up! I 'ave some announcements to make. First of all, Pervin Crunk weel be leaving us."

"What? You didn't tell me you were sacking me!" Pervin cried indignantly.

"_Oui_, you do not add anyzing of value to ze judgings." Fleur pointed her finger at him. "You're fired!"

"This is the second time I've been fired!" Pervin muttered. "C'mon, Mervin, I can tell when we're not wanted!"

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Hermione called cheerfully. She was so relieved she didn't have to see the Crunks anymore.

"Now," said Fleur, turning back to the four remaining girls, "let me tell you a leetle bit about Buffy Summers. She was born April 14th, 1981, which makes 'er sixteen. Just last year she discovered she was ze Chosen One."

"I thought Harry was the Chosen One," said Cho as Lavender snickered.

"Zere eese only one Vampire Slayer and she eese eet. I 'ave arranged for all of you to meet 'er and she weel show you what she 'as learned. Now we weel be flying out to ze States since none of you have ze experience to Apparate zat far yet. 'Ave any of you flown een a Muggle plane before?"

Hermione was the only one to raise her hand.

"Oh, before I forget, 'Ermione, since you won ze last challenge, you weel be able to seet een first class and you may choose one ozzer girl to join you."

"I choose Ginny," Hermione decided immediately.

"Thanks!" Ginny replied. "First class sounds nice."

"It is," Hermione said.

Okay, you girls need to get packed. Ze plane leaves een four hours! We must be queek to ze airport! Queek queek!" Fleur clapped her hands together rapidly.

--------------------------------

Four hours later Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, Cho, Fleur, and Cyra were on a plane headed to California, Hermione and Ginny sitting up in first class. As the plane began its descent down the runway, Ginny clutched at the armrests, her knuckles turning white. The plane began to rise and she let out a loud yelp.

"Excuse me, miss, are you okay?" an elderly woman who sat across the aisle, asked her.

"Just her first time flying," Hermione explained as she patted Ginny reassuringly on the hand.

"Ah," the woman replied with a knowing nod.

"We're really high up!" Ginny said in a high-pitched voice as she leaned over Hermione to look out the window.

"Relax, you're perfectly safe," Hermione replied. "I've been on planes many times and I've never crashed." She lowered her voice. "Besides, you're pretty high up on your broom when you play Quidditch."

"Yeah, but at least I have more control. What if we crash onto some tropical unknown island and nobody ever finds us?" Ginny asked fearfully.

Hermione let out a laugh. "What kind of tropical island are you going to find in the North Atlantic? We're more likely to crash into the ocean and drown." She stopped talking instantly when she saw the look on Ginny's face.

---------------------------------------

"What about that one?" Ron asked, pointing to the corner of the cage.

Harry rubbed his chin and shook his head. "No, that one isn't the right color. Arnold was a more subdued colored pink. That one is more of a cotton candy pink."

"You should really go into interior designing, you know that, Harry? Thank Merlin someone around here knows their pinks." Ron rolled his eyes.

Harry colored a bright red. "Well, if we're going to do this, we have to do this right!"

"I can't believe you killed Ginny's beloved pet." George, who was helping them pick out a new pygmy puff, shook his head in disbelief.

"We didn't kill him!" Ron exclaimed. "It was Crookshanks. You know, this was all Hermione's fault! If she didn't have to keep that blasted cat over at our house, this would have never happened and Arnold would still be alive!"

"Uh, I don't think it exactly works that way," Harry said.

"Why don't you just tell Ginny that your girlfriend's cat ate Arnold?" George asked Ron.

"Are you crazy?!" Ron exclaimed. "And risk getting hexed? I don't think so!"

"Somebody is a chicken!" George cried. He began to dance around the room as he raised his hand to the top of his head, waving his fingers, chanting, "Cha-chi, cha-chi, cha-chi, cha! Cha-chi, cha-chi, cha-chi cha!"

"What's going on?" Fred had heard all the commotion and came over to join them.

"Ron and Harry are too scared to tell Ginny that Arnold was eaten! Cha-chi, cha-chi, cha-cha cha!"

Fred had decided to join in the fun by flapping his arms around and bobbing his head. "Caw-caw! Caw-caw! Caw-caw! Ca-ca-caw! Ca-ca-caw!"

"What is that, a chicken?" asked Harry.

"Would you guys just shut up and help us pick out one that looks most like Arnold?" Ron said irritably to his brothers.

"Hey what about this one?" Harry picked up a pygmy puff that had been buried under some sawdust. "It matches Arnold's coloring almost perfectly!"

"It does look like Arnold!" Ron said delightfully. "Ginny will never know!"

-----------------------------------

By the time the plane reached LAX, Hermione and Ginny had to wait for the others. Ten minutes later Fleur, Cyra, Cho, and Lavender emerged from the coach section.

"Good, everyone eese 'ere," Fleur said with relief. Hermione had a feeling she didn't enjoy flying on an airplane so much, which kind of surprised her as she came to Hogwarts three years ago in a flying carriage!

After they had retrieved their luggage, they hopped on a bus marked "Sunnydale" where they were dropped off at the Sunnydale University residence hall (it was still open for summer classes) where they would be staying. The four girls would be sharing one large dorm with two bedrooms. Ginny and Hermione shared one room and Cho and Lavender shared the other. Fleur and Cyra shared a single room across the hall.

Since they had an hour to spare, the four witches went to a grocery store to buy some chapstick Cho was in desperate need of. While they were there, Lavender bought a box of raisin granola bars and Hermione bought a six pack of Red Bull.

"Energizing drink," she explained to the other witches who were looking at the cans oddly. "I could sure use some!"

"I doubt that stuff tastes like Butterbeer, just so you know," Cho told her.

They were scheduled to meet the judges at the Sunnydale High School library in less than half an hour, so they went back to the residence hall to get ready.

-------------------------------------

Harry and Ron were in Ginny's room, setting up the old Arnold's cage for the new Arnold. They were both pretty pleased with themselves. This pygmy puff really did look like Arnold, down to the marking on its ear!

"Ginny is never going to know that Crookshanks ate Arnold," Ron grinned, pleased as punch as he put the new Arnold into its home. "Unless Crookshanks decides to puke up the old Arnold."

"I just hope she doesn't find out," Harry said nervously. "I don't need for us to start our relationship up again with a dead pet on the brain."

Ron thumped him on the back. "Would you relax, mate? She'll never find out! Trust me!"

---------------------------------

"So this is what an American Muggle high school looks like," Lavender mused as the four remaining Top Witches followed Fleur and Cyra down a corridor.

"Let's be sure not to use ze word "Muggle," a lot," Fleur told them. "We're going to be around plenty of zem 'oo don't know what zat word means.

"Don't Buffy and Giles and her friends know that we're witches?" Hermione asked.

"_Oui_, zey know, but not ze rest of Sunnydale." Fleur frowned at Hermione. "'Ow did you know about Monsieur Giles? Oh right, ze show."

"This is so weird being here," Hermione muttered to herself, looking at the familiar location she had seen through her TV. Not that she spent most of her time watching TV since she was usually at Hogwarts or at the Weasley's. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember the last time she had seen her parents…

Fleur opened the doors that led to the library and it was just like Hermione had turned on an episode of _Buffy the Vampire Slayer. _Leafing through a thick leather book filled with dust was Giles and sitting around a table, arguing, were Buffy, Willow, and Xander. To be sure she was seeing things right, Hermione rubbed her eyes and removed her hands, still seeing the same scene.

Giles looked up when he heard the door clang behind Cho who was bringing up the rear.

"Ah, you're here," he said. "I've been telling Buffy and the others about your arrival."

"You're Buffy?" Lavender said, looking aghast at the petite blonde. "The way Fleur was going on about you, I was imagining you a lot more taller…and bulkier."

"How cute, Giles!" Buffy exclaimed. "They're British…just like you!"

"Well, let me introduce you to everyone," Giles said. "I'm Rupert Giles, Buffy's Watcher. Oh, and I'm also the librarian. You already know Buffy, and these are her friends, Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris."

"Are you guys really witches?" Willow asked with interest, leaning forward across the table. "I've been studying sorcery with my friend Amy. She's a witch too!" she added in a whisper.

Ginny frowned. "Are you a Muggle? Or a purebred?"

"Huh? Giles, what's she talking about? What's a Muggle? Is that one of your British slang words?"

"Even if it was, d'ya really think Giles would know it?" Xander asked as he ripped the wrapper off of a Milky Way and took a big bite out of it. "Have you ever heard Giles use slang?" he asked, his mouth full of chocolate.

"Ugh, Xander, that's gross," said Buffy looking disgustingly at her friend. "You're spraying chocolate everywhere."

"Sorry, Buff."

"Zank you so much for 'aving us," said Fleur. "Zese are ze girls - 'Ermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Cho Chang, and Lavender Brown." She pointed to each girl as she said their names. "And zis eese my co-judge, Cyra Dickinson."

"So you're in some kind of contest? To see who's your school's best witch?" asked Buffy.

"_Oui_, eet was my idea," said Fleur proudly. "Eet's called 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch. Zere next task eese going to test zem to see 'ow well zey do fighting off vampires…weethout magic!" she added dramatically.

"What!?" Lavender exclaimed.

"Don't worry," Fleur assured her. "You'll be een very good 'ands." She smiled warmly at Buffy. "Mademoiselle Summers weel teach you everyzing you need to know!"

"Um….when are we ever going to need to know how to fight vampires?" Hermione asked tentatively. "We hardly ever run across them."

"You guys don't know how lucky you are not to live on a Hellsmouth," Buffy said rolling her eyes.

"And even if we did, we'd have our wands," Ginny added. "We would defend ourselves."

"Yes, but zere may be a time you're weethout your wands," Fleur replied, a bit annoyed. "And what would you do zen, hmmm?"

"But I always have my wand with me!" Ginny protested.

"So do I," Hermione replied.

"But you never know!" Fleur snapped. "And eesn't eet always best to always be prepared?"

"I guess," said Hermione.

"Well, then, if you guys are going to help me fight off the big bads, then we should go to the mall and shop for some good vampire-killing clothes," Buffy stated.

"Ooh! A mall!" Lavender squealed. "That's the place where Muggles go to shop!"

"There's that word again!" exclaimed Willow. "I really need to learn some British slang."

----------------------------------------

Later that evening, Buffy, along with Willow and Xander, took Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, and Cho to the Sunnydale Mall. They split up in two groups and decided to meet at the food court in an hour.

Hermione, Ginny, and Buffy headed in one director while the others went off in another direction together.

"So this magical school you attend," Buffy said, trying to make conversation, "what's the name of it?"

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Hermione and Ginny replied in unison.

"Wow. That's a mouthful. And you guys learn magic there?"

"Pretty much," Ginny answered.

"Can you make yourself disappear?"

"I just learned Apparition this past year and got my license," Hermione said.

"Wow," Buffy said, clearly impressed. "That sounds like a really neat trick."

"Well, it's not really a trick," Hermione tried to explain, "we actually do disappear to a different spot. I would show you, but I don't think this is the right time or place to do it."

"Right," Buffy said. "So how long does one go to magic school?"

"Seven years," Ginny told her. "From the ages of eleven to seventeen."

"Ah, so you're almost graduated."

"I just finished my fifth year," Ginny said.

"And I just finished my sixth," Hermione added, "except we don't know if the school is going to be open next year because our Headmaster was killed."

Buffy gasped. "That's horrible! And kind of a coincidence since _my _principal - that would probably be the equivalent of your headmaster - was also killed. He was mauled by students who thought they were hyenas."

"He was what?" Ginny asked, shocked.

"Yeah, it was pretty nasty. How did your headmaster die?"

"Another teacher killed him with a killing curse," Hermione said quietly.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Buffy was quiet, not quite sure what to say.

Ginny broke the silence by saying, "And if that wasn't enough, the most evil wizard who ever lived is trying to take over the world."

"Oh my God!" Buffy rolled her eyes up to the heavens. "Don't you just _hate _that? Lord, if I had a dollar for every asshole I ever met who wants to take over the world…honestly! There was this vampire who called himself "The Master" - real original, I know. Anyway, he wanted to take over the world and have control of world domination, you know, the usual."

"What happened?" Ginny asked, her eyes wide.

"I killed him," Buffy said in a bored voice as she examined her nails. "Of course that doesn't mean I'm not going to get my fair share of others who want to take control of the world. I know what my fate has in store for me. That's what I get for being The Chosen One."

"Well, you and Harry certainly have a lot in common," replied Ginny. "He's the Chosen One too, er, well, actually they call him The Boy Who Lived."

"The Boy Who Lived," repeated Buffy. "Hmm, that has a nice ring to it. I suppose it's been trademarked and I can't call myself The Girl Who Lived? Oh, here's Old Navy. We'll find some cheap clothes for you here."

After Hermione and Ginny bought dark sweatpants and hoodies, it was time to meet the others at the food court.

"Wow, so many choices!" Ginny exclaimed as she looked around at all the many places where she could get dinner: Chick-a-Filet, Pizza Hut, Subway, Burger King, Panda Express, Taco Bell, Arby's, Gyros, and Mrs. Fields. "I have no idea what to get!"

"Stay away from Burger King," Buffy warned her, "but everything else is fair game. I'm going to go to Chick-a-Filet. I love their waffle fries."

"I'll trust you and come with you," Ginny decided.

Hermione saw Willow and Xander standing in line at Subway and decided to go there. She saw Cho and Lavender in line at Panda Express. When she got in line behind Buffy's best friends, she couldn't help but overhear a little argument they were having:

"Xander, the pretzel stand isn't part of the food court!" Willow was saying.

"Of course it is," Xander replied.

"The food court is upstairs. The pretzel stand is downstairs, it's not like we're talking quantum physics here," said Willow.

"The pretzel stand counts as an eatery," Xander explained, "and eateries are part of the food court."

"That's poppycock!" said Willow. "Eateries that operate within the designated square upstairs count as the food court. Anything outside of said designated square counts as an independent unit for mid-mall snacking." She turned around at the moment and noticed Hermione. "Don't you agree..uh, I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

"Hermione," Hermione replied. "And I wouldn't know. I don't spend a lot of my time in malls."

"Hermione, that's a very interesting name," Xander said. "You don't meet many Hermiones anymore, at least not in Sunnydale." He frowned. "Actually, I don't think I've ever met a Hermione, much less ever heard of the name."

"Well, I guess I'm one in a million," Hermione couldn't help saying with a small smile.

---------------------------------------

When the four witches returned to the dorm later that night, Lavender went balistic when she found that one of her granola bars was missing. So without thinking twice, she knocked loudly on the door to Hermione and Ginny's room.

Hermione opened the door. "What is it?"

Lavender shoved the box into Hermione's chest. "One of my granola bars is missing, that's what!" she snapped. "And I know you did it!"

"Me!" cried Hermione. "Why would I eat your granola bar? I'm not even sharing a room with you! Why don't you go ask Cho if she ate it?"

"Don't be snide with me, Granger! You have to have everything I have, don't you? First you steal my boyfriend, and now my food! How dare you!"

"What are you talking about?" Hermione demanded. "I did not "steal" Ron from you. You two had broken up long before we got together, you know that!"

"Yes, but he broke up with me to get together with you!" Lavender glowered.

"Hermione, I know exactly how you feel about getting accused for stealing someone else's food." Ginny, who had been lying on the top bunk, spoke up.

"Lavender, I didn't eat any of your granola bars, and why are you getting so worked up for, anyway? They're just granola bars." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"That's not the point!" Lavender snapped. "They were my property and I don't particularly like people to go through my things!" She stomped over to the mini refrigerator the room had come equipped with and took out two Red Bulls and marched over to the bathroom sink.

"What are you doing?" Hermione cried as Lavender opened one of the cans and started to pour it down the sink.

"If you're going to waste one of my granola bars, then I'm going to do the same with your drink!" Lavender declared.

"If Cho were here, she'd say something about hay-spay-tu," Ginny said.

"Hay-spay-tu can be shoved up your ass!" Lavender spitted out.

"Damn, what the hell is wrong with you?" asked Ginny. "Do you have PMS or something?"

Hermione bit back a laugh.

"No, I do NOT have PMS!" Lavender snapped. "I don't appreciate it when people steal my things that I PAID for, thank you very much!"

"I told you, I didn't take your precious little granola bar. Honestly!" exclaimed Hermione. "Everyone better calm down because we have a big day tomorrow. Our vampire slaying training starts."

-----------------------------------------

"RON! HARRY! WAKE UP!"

"WE HAVE THE MOST FABULOUS IDEA!"

"Ugh, what in Merlin's beard?" Ron sat up in his bed.

Harry also sat up and sleepily reached for his glasses. When he put them on, the blurry red blobs in front of him turned into Fred and Geroge who had just barged in. They were both grinning from ear to ear.

"We have an idea that will make us rich!" Fred cried.

"Galleonaires!" George whooped.

"Really?" Ron was now a little more awake, looking interested. "What is it?"

Both Fred and George paused dramatically for a few seconds, then in unison they shouted, "WE'RE GOING TO START A BOY BAND!"

"A what?" Ron asked, confused.

Harry groaned and flopped down on his back. "A _boy band? _Are you _serious_?"

"Yes! We were talking to Angelina and she told us boy bands are really popular in the Muggle world!" George exclaimed with giddiness. "They have girls screaming over them, they make loads of money, and they're worshipped all over the land."

"Uh, I don't think that last one is quite true." Harry rolled his eyes.

"But this is where you both come in," George said, with a serious voice. "Angelina told us there are usually about four or five members in a boy band, so we want YOU TWO to join us!"

"You should be very honored," Fred added. "We almost went with Lee and Oliver, you know because Oliver is good looking -"

"But then we thought he might be too busy with his Qudditich," George interjected, "and if we have you in our group, Harry, they'll be sure to sign us!"

"And of course we wanted to have our favorite brother in the group," Fred added loyally to Ron who glowered at him.

"Even if I _wanted _to be in your band," Harry replied, "I can't. Maybe you've forgetten, but there's some evil wizard out there who wants to kill me?!"

"Well, surely, you can balance both of them at the same time!" George said. "We already have our name. What do you think of The Magic Boys? We'll also have our own special names. For instance, I will be Sauve Magic and Fred here will be Sexy Magic. Harry, you can be Scar Magic, and Ronnie can be Freckle Magic!"

Harry and Ron just stared at each other in horror.

"Check it out, we even have our first single planned out!" said Fred. Both he and George cleared their throats and started to sing:

"I don't care which House you're in, if you can play Quidditch, if you're Muggle-born as long as you love me!"

"Well, I care!" Ron said. "I sure wouldn't want to go out with some Slytherin!"

Harry laughed.

"Just think about it, okay?" George pleaded.

"I'm going to save you some time and politely decline," Harry said.

"Yeah, me too," Ron decided. "There's no way I'm going to be singing pouf songs like that in public."

"Fine, then we'll just have to find out other members!" Fred replied.

-------------------------------------------------------

Hermione, Ginny, Cho, and Lavender worked very hard on their slaying traning. They did some warm-up stretching before actual traning began. There were four dummies filling in for vampires, and Buffy showed them how to use the crossbows and how to throw the wooden stakes. They went through a week of grueling tranining. On the eve before their next competition, Buffy decided to let them have a breather and took them out to The Bronze along with Willow and Xander.

When they entered, _Holiday _was playing and all around them people were dancing. The four witches, two muggles, and one vampire slayer found a table and ordered drinks.

"Do they have any butterbeer here?" Cho asked.

Buffy misheard her. "We can't drink beer. Maybe the legal drinking age in the UK is sixteen, but here it's twenty-one."

"She said butterbeer," Hermione informed her. "It's a drink we have back home, and no, they don't have it here." She gave Cho an exasperated look.

Once their drinks came and they took a few sips, a techno version of _Faithfully _started to play.

"Ooh, I love this song!" Lavender cried. "Let's dance!" She tugged on Ginny's hand. "Come on!"

Shrugging, Ginny got up and followed her. Cho, who had been eyeing a cute guy, also got up to follow them over to the dance floor. Lavender and Ginny started waving their arms around and dancing, Lavender moving her head about so her hair was flying all over the face.

"Hey, get your skank-ass hair outta my face!" an angry voice demanded.

Lavender and Ginny turned to see an angry, tall black girl, a few years older than them, glaring at Lavender, her own posse behind her.

"Sorry," Lavender muttered, glaring back.

"Oh-ho! So you're from England? You think you a big shot cuz you're from some big, fancy European country? Uh-uh! I don't think so!" The girl snapped her fingers in Lavender's face.

"Bitch, get your fingers out of my face!" Lavender retorted.

"Oh, no you di-idn't!" the girl screamed at her.

Now people had stopped dancing and were staring at the two fighting girls.

"Tiffany, just ignore the blonde girl," one of the girls in the posse said to her. "She ain't worth getting in trouble over."

"You're right," Tiffany decided. She shoved Lavneder. "Get off my dance floor, beey-otch!"

Lavender reached out and grabbed a mug of beer on the table nearest to her and threw it on Tiffany.

"BITCH POURED BEER ON MY WEAVE!" Tiffany screamed.

Hermione, who had been watching the commotion with Buffy, Willow, and Xander, heard Buffy sigh and mutter, "It's time to get out of here."

Hermione followed them as they rounded up Cho, Ginny, and Lavender who was still holding the now empty mug. Bufffy took it from her and set it back down on the table. "Rule number one," she said as they all ran out of the Bronze, "never pour beer on anyone's weave!"

"What's a weave?" asked Ginny.

"It's a hairpiece," Buffy explained. "Wow, you magic people are really sheltered, aren't you?"

------------------------------------------

The next evening, just before it became dark, the girls got dressed for slaying and headed over to the Summers' house where Buffy said she wanted them to meet her before they headed out.

Hermione frowned at Cho as they walked up to the front door. "Are you wearing leather pants?" she asked the older girl.

"Yes," replied Cho as the pants squeaked each time she took a step.

"Why?"

Cho glared at her. "Buffy told me she wears leather pants when she slays, so if she can do it, so can I!"

Hermione just shrugged at her. The other girls were wearing black pants and hoodies and, unlike Cho, they could walk freely.

Ginny rang the doorbell and Mrs. Summers answered it. "Oh, hello. Buffy said she was inviting a few friends over tonight."

"I got it, Mom, thanks," Buffy said as she appeared in view. "Come on up to my room, guys."

The four witches followed the blonde upstairs and into her room. Buffy shut the door as Lavender and Hermione settled themselves on her bed and Ginny took a seat on the desk chair. Cho, who couldn't bend her legs, remained standing against the wall.

"Okay, here's the deal," Buffy said in a low voice as she turned to the girls. "We need to keep a low profile because my mom doesn't know that I'm a vampire slayer and she certainly doesn't know you four are witches, so you can't be doing any magic-"

"We can't anyway," Lavender interrupted. "We don't have our wands."

Buffy gave out a snort. "You mean like _magic wands_? You use magic wands?"

"Yeah, so?" Cho shot back.

Buffy shook her head. "I'm sorry, it's just whenever I think of someone using a magic wand, I think of, well, a magician or a fairy godmother." She unzipped a large black duffle bag and began to pile crossbows and wooden stakes and jars of holy water into it. "Alright, I got enough for everybody. Are we ready to go?"

The four withces glanced at each other nervously.

"Ready as we'll ever be, I guess," replied Hermione. "Um, you'll make sure we won't die, right?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Duh! Okay, let's go!" She slung the duffle bag over her shoulder.

They trotted down the stairs and Buffy shouted, "We're going out for awhile, Mom!"

"Have fun!" Mrs. Summers called from the kitchen.

They quickly walked to the graveyard and when they reached the black iron entrance, Buffy unzipped the bag, equipping each girl with a wooden stake and a jar of holy water. "I only have two of these," she said as she pulled out a crossbow. "I'm giving the other to Hermione since she knows how to work it the best."

Once they were all equipped, Buffy opened the gate and the four girls followed her, crouching behind. They sneaked past old graves, Cho's leather pants sqeaking as she took a step.

Hermione, who was in front of her, whipped her head around and hissed, "Why did you have to wear those?"

"Hey, at least I look good in them!" Cho snapped back, perhaps a little too loudly because at that instant a rather grotesque-looking vampire appeared from behind a large tree trunk and grabbed Cho from behind.

"AHHGHHHHHH!" Cho screamed.

"AHHGHHHHHHH!" screamed Hermione, Ginny, and Lavender.

Buffy turned around and whipped up her crossbow. "Let her go, you bloodsucking imbecile!" she snarled as she pointed the weapon at the vampire's heart.

"Slayer!" the vampire hissed. He moved Cho in front of him so Buffy would have to shoot her to get through him. "I should have known it was you!"

"I can't die yet!" Cho wailed. "I haven't professed my love to Oliver Wood!"

Buffy lowered her crossbow and aimed at the vampire's left leg. She hit him right above the knee.

"OWWW!" he screamed, but instead of releasing Cho, he gripped her even tighter.

"You can still walk!" Buffy shouted. "The next one and you'll be paralyzed!"

"Um, how can you paralyze somebody who's already dead?" Ginny asked.

Buffy glanced at her, then frowned. "Hey, where did Hermione go?"

The vampire suddenly turned into a pile of ashes and Hermione appeared where it had been standing, holding her stake. "I'm right here," she said with a smile.

Buffy nodded at her. "Nice job."

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked Cho, who was still sobbing.

Cho clutched her. "Oh, it was so awful! For just a moment, I swore I saw Cedric. And he said to me, 'Cho, no, you can't give up now! It's not your time yet!'"

"Wow, that's very…profound," Hermione replied, not sure else what to say.

"Let's move on," Buffy said. "Where there's one vampire, there's always more where that came from."

"Can't we just go back home now?" Cho asked in a small voice. "I don't like this challenge!" She screamed when not one, not two, but three vampires jumped down from a tree right in front of the five girls.

"Weapons out!" Buffy demanded as she raised her cross bow. Hermione did the same and Ginny and Lavender pointed their stakes at the vampires. Cho hurriedly unscrewed the lid off the top of her holy water and threw it at the nearest vampire and missed.

Hermione pointed the crossbow at one of the vampires who was now running towards her, but was unable to pull the trigger before he seized the weapon from her arms and smashed it on the hard ground.

"You know, my weapons don't exactly come cheap!" Buffy said, rolling her eyes and aiming her crossbow at the vampire, killing him with one perfect shot.

Meanwhile, Ginny and Lavender had ganged up on one of the remaining two vampires, stabbing it numerous times with their stakes until they finally found the heart.

The remaning vampire was walking slowly towards Cho until she was backed up against a tree and could no longer move. She clumsily got out her wooden stake, but was too scared to do anything. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!" she screamed.

"Bathe in this!" Lavender yelled as she poured her jar of holy water over the vampire who shrieked as he melted away.

"Buffy, watch out!" Ginny warned as two vampires came running after the slayer.

Buffy kicked the first one right in the stomach who hunched over in pain. She rolled over his back and stabbed the second one, who was right behind him, in the heart. She kicked the kneeled over vampire and when he landed on the ground, she pinned him down and looked at the four witches who were looking at her in amazement.

"Anyone care to do the honors?"

"I want to!" Ginny volunteered. She joined Buffy and stabbed the vampire's heart, but nothing happened.

"Uh, a little bit lower," Buffy told her.

Ginny stabbed again and this time the vampire disincarnated.

------------------------------------------

The next afternoon was the first elimination to take place during their stay in Sunnydale. They met at the Sunnydale High School library after school hours. Since Buffy had trained them to kill vampires, she was a guest judge.

"I 'ave four beautiful, talented weetches een front of me," Fleur said in a serious voice. "Zree of you weel continue on and one of you weel be leaving us today. Cyra and I 'ave 'ad discussions weeth Mademosielle Summers and while she tells us she was impressed weeth 'ow quickly you learned to slay vampires, zere eese one girl een particular 'oo really shined...and zat girl eese…'Ermione!"

"Surprise, surprise," Lavender muttered as she rolled her eyes.

"Congratulations, 'Ermione, you are still een ze running to become 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch and you 'ave won a five 'undred dollar gift certifcate to use at any of ze shops at ze Sunnydale Boardwalk!"

"Er, thanks," Hermione said as she took a step forward.

"You really did a great job with the vampires, especially the one who had Cho captive," Buffy said nodding at the girl.

Hermione could only smile. Buffy Summers had given her a compliment!

Fleur paused dramatically as she waited to call the next girl's name. "Ginny, congratulations, you are still en ze running to become 'Ogwart's Next Top Weetch."

Ginny tried to keep her squeal to a minumum as she joined Hermione.

Fleur gave a long glance at Lavender and Cho before she started talking again. "Lavender, I've 'eard you are 'aving some problems weeth ozzer certain girls-" Lavender turned to glare at Hermione - "and Cho, Buffy told me you were ze weakest at last night's competition. Zerefore, Lavender, you are still een ze running to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch, but just barely."

Lavender, who had been holding her breath, let out a long sigh and happily joined Hermione and Ginny.

Three girls remain…WHO will be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?


	9. Chapter 8

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Chapter 8: The Girl Who Sucked Up To Fleur

"Well, at least we know whoever wins will be a Gryffindor,"' said Hermione as she and Ginny and Lavender made their way back to their room after the latest elimination.

"It's the battle between the brunette, the blonde, and the redhead," Ginny said with a grin.

"Tomorrow we should go to the beach and help Hermione spend her gift certificate," Lavender suggested.

"I didn't bring my bathing suit," Hermione replied.

"Me neither," said Ginny.

"That's okay, I'm sure there's a shop on the walkboard that sells them," said Lavender.

"Boardwalk," Hermione corrected her.

"Right, so are we in agreement about tomorrow's plans?" Lavender asked. "Good," she said as Hermione and Ginny nodded.

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Harry and Ron were awoken the following morning by voices coming from outside.

Harry slipped on his glasses as Ron stumbled to the window. "Hey, it's Seamus and Dean!"

Harry frowned as he joined Ron at the window. "I wonder what they're doing here?"

"Maybe Dean is here to hex you for stealing Ginny from him," Ron said, trying not to smile.

Harry rolled his eyes. "She broke up with him before we started dating."

Ron opened the window. "Oi! Dean! Seamus! What are you two doing here?"

"Your brothers invited us to be part of their boy band!" Dean shouted back.

"Oh, for the love of Merlin," Harry muttered. He and Ron watched as their fellow Gryffindors were let into the house by Fred and George.

"I can't believe they're actually doing this," Harry said. "This can only turn into a disaster." He paused. "Wanna go watch them?"

Ron shrugged. "Sure. Though watching my brothers make fools of themselves isn't anything new."

"True," Harry replied with a smile. "But have we ever seen them try to put together a boy band of all things?"

Both boys looked at each other and raced downstairs. They weren't going to miss this for anything!

Seamus and Dean were helping the twins with music selection as Harry and Ron entered the room. Dean was speaking:

"There are always key songs to sing when one is in a boy band. The first is the poppy, upbeat song that every twelve-year-old witch in the country will be singing along to on their Wizarding Wireless Networks. Now this particular tune usually entails of a snappy chorus, the kind that stays in your head. There's also the what I like to call the 'Girl, I Love You With All My Heart and I Won't Treat You Like That Git You Dated Before' song."

Harry and Ron looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

"Of course," Dean said in a cold voice once he saw Harry and Ron were in the same room, "Ginny broke my heart when she decided to kiss someone else in the Common Room in front of everyone." He glared at Harry as he said this.

"You guys were already broken up!" Harry defended himself.

"And technically Harry and Ginny aren't a couple anymore because Harry is noble," George said as he air quoted the word "noble."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry demanded.

"Hey, can we get back to the task at hand here?" Fred said. "If we want to start our own boy band, we have to get serious." He turned to Harry and Ron. "You guys can stay and watch, but not if you're going to be a distraction to us." He turned back to Dean. "Carry on."

"Okay, so there's also the sappy love song every boy band has that every girl wants her boyfriend to sing to her, like 'This I promise you' or 'Merlin must have spent a little more time on you because you are the most beautiful witch in the world and no other compares to your beauty'…"

------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Hermione, Ginny, and Lavender went down to the boardwalk to help spend Hermione's gift certificate. They had the entire day off, and it was a perfect day to spend on the beach. The sun was shining and there was not a cloud in sight.

"Nice change from cloudy old England," Lavender commented as they walked towards the beach.

Their first stop was a small boutique that sold bathing suits called The Aqua Lagoon. Lavender was immediately drawn to a skimpy two piece that was, what else? Lavender.

Ginny also chose a two piece, not quite as skimpy as Lavender's, but still showed quite a bit of skin. It had a tropical pattern with pink hibiscuses and green vines.

"I think I'll get this one," Hermione said as she took a navy blue one-piece from off the rack.

"That?" Lavender gave it a sneer. "Oh, come on, Granger, even you have more of a sense of adventure. That one is boring. But then again, so are you, so maybe you should get it."

"Lavender is right: it is boring," Ginny decided. "But you're not. Plus I'm sure Ron would love to see you in something like this." She grinned as she held up a small yellow bikini.

Hermione went pink. "I would never wear something like that in public!"

"Okay, you don't have to get this one, but how about one of these? They're still two pieces, but they cover a fair amount."

"All right," Hermione agreed. "I can negotiate with that." In the end, she purchased a suit with a solid navy bottom and a navy and white striped top.

They next walked a few shops down and entered a store called Beach-a-Rama! where they all bought towels in bright colors (orange for Lavender, seafoam green for Ginny, and aqua blue for Hermione) and sunglasses and flipflops and suntan lotion and Hermione also added a canvas beach bag to their purchase so they would have a place to store all their belongings and clothes once they had all changed into their suits, which they did in the restroom of McDonald's. They all walked out wearing their new bathing suits with their towels tied around their waists, except for Hermione, who had her towel tightly wrapped around her body.

"You know, you can't go in the water like that," Ginny told her with a smile.

Hermione eventually had to unwrap her towel when the three girls found a spot on the sand. They laid out their towels in a row and applied sunscreen to themselves and each other.

"I think I'm living one of Ron's fantasies," Ginny grinned as she rubbed sunscreen on Hermione's back.

Hermione laughed and swatted at her.

The three girls laid out in the sun for awhile, then took a dip in the ocean for a few minutes and came back to dry off.

"It's hot," Lavender said, stating the obvious.

"Yeah, a cold drink sounds good now." Ginny's eyes wandered to the small shops surrounding the boardwalk. "That place is selling drinks and smoothies…whatever those are," she said reading a sign under a yellow and white striped awning.

"I'll stay here and watch our stuff," Lavender volunteered. "Go and get me something tasty. Something with strawberries."

Lavender laid down on the towel and folded her arms under her head as Ginny and Hermione wrapped towels around their waists and headed to the small stand. There was a bit of a line they had to stand in. Apparently, they weren't the only ones craving something cold on this hot day.

"I guess we'll get Lavender the strawberry smoothie," Hermione noted to Ginny. "Or should we get her the strawberry-banana?"

"Better stick to strawberry," Ginny advised.

"I wonder if she wants whipped cream," Hermione pondered as she saw a young girl leaving the stand holding her mother's hand with one hand and a smoothie with the other topped with whipped cream.

The girl standing in front of them turned around. "Do you know what they put in that stuff?" she asked startling both Hermione and Ginny. "All those chemicals and that sugar! That's only there to kill you! And make you fat!"

Hermione and Ginny glanced at each other, then looked at the girl who had just scolded Hermione. She was tall and thin and Hermione estimated her to be a few years older than her and Ginny. The girl had on huge sunglasses and had a geometrical-printed scarf tied around her short hair. She wore a brown bikini top with a long flowing orange skirt and beaded brown sandals. Her neck was covered with beaded necklaces.

"Okay, we won't get whipped cream, then," Hermione said holding up her hands.

"You're British?" the girl asked. "Are you here on vacation?"

"Yes, you could say that," Ginny replied.

The girl rolled her dark eyes. "Jade wishes she could live in some posh European country. It's Jade's dream to be a model, you know."

"Uh, that's great," said Ginny. "Who's Jade?"

"Oh, I am." The girl shook their hands. "Jade Schafer. Hey, can I ask you how long you two will be in town?"

Hermione looked at Ginny and shrugged. They weren't sure how much longer they would be in the States.

"Because I may be a pretty face," Jade said as she started to dig through her woven purse, "but I am also committed to environmental issues. I plan to make it my life's purpose to save the elephants of Thailand. Did you know that these beautiful creatures are diminishing by the thousands just so poachers can kill them for their tusks? It's outrageous!"

"It's very sad," Hermione agreed.

"I'm holding a fundraiser car wash this weekend to raise money so I can go to Bangkok and try to talk to the Thai government about poachers cruelly slaughtering these gentle beasts. It's important that the elephants don't become extinct like their family members, the dinosaurs."

"Uh, I'm pretty sure dinosaurs and elephants aren't related to each other." Hermione gave Jade a quizzical look.

"Yes, they are!" Jade insisted. "Elephants are part of the dinosaur family!"

"No, the mammoth is an ancestor to the elephant. I think you're mixing up your prehistoric animals."

Jade gave a haughty sigh. "What are you, some kind of know-it-all?"

Ginny stifled a laugh.

"You're probably going to go to college at Oxford or Yale or one of your fancy universities."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Yale is in Connecticut."

Luckily she didn't have to argue anymore with this crazy Jade person because it was her turn to order. After she received her low-fat tofu smoothie with skim milk, she shot Hermione and Ginny a dirty look before walking off.

"What a lunatic," Hermione muttered and Ginny nodded in agreement.

They ordered their smoothies and strolled back to Lavender where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying the sand, surf, and sun.

--------------------------------------------------

Later that evening, Fleur stopped by. She sat down in an armchair across from the couch where Hermione, Ginny, and Lavender all sat in a row. "As you can tell, we're now down to ze final zree. You should all be very proud of yourselves for getting zis far."

The three witches looked at each other and nodded.

"But now ze challenges are getting tougher, as you already know from your last challenge of slaying vampires weeth Buffy Summers."

Lavender rolled her eyes.

"'Owever, zis week I've decided to do somezing different. Instead of a challenge, I am going to 'ave _un tête à tête _weeth each of you individually. I want to get your zoughts on some zings. Zere weel be an elimination before ze end of ze night. So, Lavender, I'll start weeth you. We'll talk en ze bedroom."

They moved into the bedroom where Fleur took a seat on an over-sized floral-print armchair and Lavender plopped down on the bed, lying sideways with her elbow propped up on the bed and her hand holding her head up, facing Fleur.

"Lavender, tell me, why do you deserve to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch more zan Ginny or 'Ermione?" Fleur supplied her with the first question.

"Well, if I won, it wouldn't look like I got the title because I know Harry Potter, whereas if Hermione or Ginny won, people might think, Oh, well she won because she's Harry Potter's best friend, or she used to date Harry Potter. Also, and most importantly, I've taken this contest seriously from the beginning. I got the impression that Hermione and Ginny thought this was a waste of their time, even though they seem to be liking it now, especially Hermione since she keeps winning most of the challenges." Lavender had to refrain from rolling her eyes.

What would you say 'as been ze most difficult challenge for you?" Fleur asked.

"Probably the Quidditch challenge just because I'm not very good at it. I've played Quidditch a couple times before, but just for fun. Playing a match against fierce competitors like Harry and Ron is a lot different. Of course, slaying vampires was no easy task either!"

"'Oo eese your inspiration?"

"Well, to tell you the truth, you inspire me a lot, Fleur."

Fleur's eyes lit up. "I do?"

"Of course! You were the only female to be picked from the Goblet of Fire! I was secretly rooting for you to win the TriWizard Tournament. Of course, I never admitted it to anyone since it would look like I was rooting against my school, and of course I love Hogwarts. But you were amazing in those tasks! You did them just as well or even better than Cedrick, Merlin rest his soul, Viktor, and Harry. You proved that witches can do anything that wizards can do. If I were Hogwarts' Next Top Witch, I would want all the young witches to have a role model for them out there. It seems all you hear about is how great wizards are: Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, Dumbledore, not to say he wasn't a great wizard and I did respect him immensely, even He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, though obviously he's known for being infamous. But where are all the famous witches? We don't nearly have enough representing us!"

Even though Lavender really did mean what she said about Fleur being an inspiration to her, she knew it couldn't hurt to suck up just a little.

"Very well said, Lavender!" Fleur smiled brightly. "And I completely agree weeth you. Zat's one of ze reasons I started zis competition een ze first place. Zank you for talking weeth me, please tell Ginny eet's her turn to come een next."

----------------------------------

Ginny sat cross-legged on the bed, leaning against the wall, waiting for Fleur's first question.

"Ginny, did you ever expect you would make eet zis far?"

"Maybe a little bit," Ginny replied. "I don't doubt my skills as a witch and I am proud to have made it in the final three, but honestly, winning the title of Hogwarts' Next Top Witch isn't the most important thing to me. Right now the most important thing to me is Harry being safe on his journey to find the Horcruxes. And he's taking Ron and Hermione with him, so that just triples my worry. As long as Voldemort is gone forever, I don't care who becomes Hogwarts' Next Top Model. I wouldn't even care if it were Pansy Parkinson if she was still in the running. Of course, I would be honored if I did win."

"Do you zink you 'ave an unfair advantage since I'll be your sister-in-law soon?"

"Well, I certainly hope you don't let me win just to win points with me." Ginny smiled at her. "I want you and Cyra to choose who you believe is the best witch for Hogwarts' Next Top Witch, whether or not that's me."

"Wheech challenge was ze most difficult for you?"

"Oh, I'd have to say the Witch-Sees. It was just a flurry of trying to get to many different classes as possible and it was sort of on-the-spot type thing."

"'Oo eese your role model?"

"I know it sounds cliché to say that my mum is, but it's true. She may drive me crazy sometimes, but my mum is an amazing woman. She raised seven kids in a family with limited means, but she always made sure we were happy and loved. While we didn't get lots of fancy toys for Christmas, those were always the happiest moments of my life growing up. She taught me how to knit and we'd bake cookies and the whole family would have snowball fights and play Quidditch in the snow."

"Zanks for sharing zat, Ginny. You can tell 'Ermione to come een now."

-----------------------------------------

Instead of sitting on the bed, Hermione opted to sit in the wooden desk chair.

"'Ermione, eef you won, would you be worried zat people would zink of you as ze girl 'oo's friends weeth 'Arry Potter?"

"I know people know I'm friends with Harry," Hermione said, "but I hope that's not the only thing they think of me. I want people to know that I won this contest because of my skills and my cleverness and that I worked hard through this contest to do the best I could do at all the tasks, even the Quidditch one. I want to succeed in the things I do by my own accord, not by the people I know because that wouldn't be fair."

Fleur nodded. "Makes sense to me. What was ze most difficult task for you…eef there was any!"

"Well, like I said, Quidditch wasn't the easier for me, but I would have to say that the most difficult was the one I also enjoyed the most and that was slaying vampires with Buffy Summers. First of all, it was amazing to meet her and to have her compliment me on my very limited slaying skills was just about the highest form of flattery I could receive. I have such respect for her though, because slaying vampires is not easy and there were five of us that night and she does it on a nightly basis, alone!"

"Yes, she truly eese a remarkable young woman," said Fleur. "'ard to belive she ees only sixteen. And finally, "'Ermione, 'oo eese your role model?"

"I admire Professor McGonagall a great deal. She's a great teacher and she's fair, unlike other teachers I could name at Hogwarts. I'm proud that she's the Head of Gryffindor."

"Zank you, 'Ermione. Well, I guess I weel leave to review my notes weeth Cyra."

Fleur and Hermione walked out of the room and Fleur air-kissed them all good-bye before exiting.

-------------------------------------------------

Dean had taken it upon himself to write a song for The Magic Boys. He performed it for Fred, George, Seamus, Harry, and Ron.

"Harry, I got my inspiration from your Invisibility Cloak." Dean cleared his throat and pressed a key on his MagicKeyboard. "This is called _If I Had An Invisibility Cloak. _

_If I had an Invisibility Cloak,  
Then I could just watch you in your room  
If I had an Invisibility Cloak,  
I'd make you mine tonight  
If spells were unbreakable  
Then I could just tell you where I stand  
I would be the invisible boy  
If I had an Invisibility Cloak  
(Wait..I already do)."_

Dean looked up. "So what do you think? I only have the chorus so far, but it won't be too tough to come up with the rest."

"That song is a little bit creepy," Harry supplied. "There's a guy watching some girl in her room, unbeknownst to her? I never even did that!"

"How about some feedback from someone who is actually in the band?" Dean asked.

"I don't know, mate," said Seamus. "I have to agree with Harry on this. Plus the title is a mouthful."

"Well, I like it!" Fred said jumping up. "And I think it will be a huge hit! As leader of this group, I say we go for it!"

"Hey, who says you get to be the leader?" George demanded. "We both thought up the idea of creating a boy band!"

"But it was my idea first," Fred replied. "Do you like the song?"

"Yeah, I like it," George said.

"Well, there you go. Since we both like it, we'll be recording it."

"Ha!" Dean shot a triumph look at Harry and Seamus.

------------------------------------------

Each girl was equally nervous about the elimination the following day. With only three of them remaining, they knew their chances of elimination were more probable.

"Zere are only zree of you left," Fleur said as Hermione, Ginny, and Lavender stood in front of her and Cyra, each awaiting their fates. "You 'ave all come a long way, but, alas, zere can only be one Top Weetch. And zat means one of you must leave us today. And I know none of you want to go home, after making it zis far."

Each girl nodded. Hermione wanted to add she didn't want to go home, especially after some of the stuff she had to do, but kept her mouth shut.

"Each of you 'ad a one on one weeth me. Ze girl 'oo most impressed me was..." Fleur paused dramatically. "Lavender! Your speech about wanting to be a role model for ozzer young witches to look up to was very inspiring. Congratulations, you 'ave made eet to ze final two!"

"Oh my gosh!" Lavender shrieked. "Really?" She ran over and hugged Fleur. "Thank you for believing in me."

"I guess this is it," Hermione whispered to Ginny as they clasped hands.

"Whoever makes it, let's promise to the other one we'll win," Ginny whispered back.

"Hermione, Ginny, only one of you weel be able to move on. Ginny, you stated zat winning zis competition wasn't ze most important zing to you and I want ze winner of 'Ogwarts Next Top Weetch to want eet bad! I want 'er to breathe eet, to sleep it, to live it! And zat ese why I am giving ze second spot to 'Ermione. Congratulations, 'Ermione."

Hermione squeezed Ginny's hand before crossing over to join Lavender.

Before she left, Ginny hugged Lavender, congratulating her, then hugged Hermione, whispering, "Don't forget about the little people when you win!"

Only Hermione and Lavender remain…WHO will be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?


	10. Chapter 9

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Chapter 9: The Girl Who Became Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

_Witches from all Houses of Hogwarts competed to be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch and now it's down to two. Who will win? Hermione, the bright and brilliant Muggle-born witch, or Lavender, who wants to be a role model for other witches and wants this more than anything? There can only be one winner!_

_----------------------------------------------------_

Ginny arrived back home at the Burrow early the next morning. Her mouth began to water as the aroma of bacon and eggs frying wafted to her nose. It had been awhile since she had had some of her mother's food and she suddenly became very hungry.

"Mum! I'm back!" Ginny announced, bouncing into the kitchen.

"Ginny!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed as she put her wand down so she could hug her daughter. "Is your little competition over?"

"No, I was eliminated." Ginny made a face. "Is Dad home? I've got so much to tell him about my experiences in the Muggle world."

"He had to Apparate to work early."

Just at that moment there was a loud _pop! _as Fred and George appeared before them.

"Ginny!" George exclaimed. "Are we looking at Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?"

"Don't you mean 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch?" Fred made a flourishing gesture with his hands, making Ginny and George laugh.

"No, but I came in third. That's not too bad, right?"

"Obviously we know Hermione is one of the two left," said George. "But who's the other?"

"Lavender Brown."

Both Fred and George burst out laughing like hyenas.

"What on earth is so funny?" Molly, who had gone back to cracking eggs into a bowl with her wand, frowned at the twins.

"Surely you jest, Mum," Fred said. "Even you must see the hilarious irony of Ronniekin's girlfriend and his ex being the last ones remaining."

"Maybe their last challenge should be who knows Ron the best," George sniggered.

"I doubt that's a requirement for a Top Witch," Ginny said. "Though with some of the tasks Fleur has made us do, who knows?"

"So, Gin, have you had the chance to say hello to Arnold yet?" Fred asked nonchalantly.

"Erm, no, I just got back." She looked at them suspiciously. "Why would you ask me about Arnold, and not about Harry or Ron?"

"Um, no reason," George said quickly, jabbing Fred in the ribs. "Well, Fred and I just came to get some breakfast before our second breakfast." He and Fred quickly gathered bacon and toast and Apparated, leaving Ginny feeing a bit confused.

Molly had gone over to the stairs and yelled up at Ron and Harry to "get their bums down to breakfast."

Getting an idea, Ginny rummaged through her bag and pulled out a blonde wig she had bought for fun when she was in California and put it on her head.

"Ginny, what in the world?" her mother asked, returning to the kitchen.

"Just play along with me, okay, Mum? I want to play a prank on Ron and Harry," Ginny said as she made sure the wig was on straight.

"You really are like Fred and George," Molly sighed.

"Hey, I learn from the best," Ginny winked at her.

A few minutes later, a sleepy redhead and messy dark-haired boy wandered into the kitchen. Ron stopped in his tracks when he saw Ginny sitting at the table and frowned, not recognizing her for a second.

Harry frowned at her. "Ginny?" he asked uncertainly.

Ginny waved to them. "Hey, Harry, Ron! I just got back. I got eliminated from the competition, can you believe that?"

"Ginny, what happened to your hair?" Ron frowned at her as he and Harry took a seat at the table. Molly just shook her head as she served everyone breakfast.

"Oh, do you like it?" Ginny asked brightly as she shook her hair. "Isn't it, like, totally awesome? You know?"

Ron and Harry just stared at her.

"But why is your hair blonde?" Harry asked.

"Because we were in California and everyone is totally blonde over there!" Ginny frowned at Harry. "Don't you like it, Harry?" She looked earnestly at him, trying not to laugh.

"Well, um, I..." Harry suddenly became very interested in his toast and started to devour it.

"Harry's too nice to be a prat," said Ron. "But if you want my honest opinion, you look like shite with blonde hair!"

"Ronald!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed.

"Sorry, Mum, but it's true! She looks like a floozy!"

Harry was prepared to dive under the table to dodge any hexes Ginny was prepared to throw Ron's way, but instead she just laughed. "Oh, relax, it's just a wig."

She pulled the blonde coif from her head to reveal her natural red hair.

Harry sighed with relief. "You look more beautiful with your red hair." He blushed when he realized what he said.

Ginny smiled at him. "Thanks, Harry. I know you would never call me a floozy." She glared at her brother.

"Sorry you were eliminated, Gin," said Ron. "Who else is still there? Hermione, of course-"

"And Lavender. Hermione and Lavender are the final two."

Harry laughed. "It's the battle between your girlfriend and your ex, Ron!"

"Well, Fleur might as well just give the crown to Hermione now," said Ron. "We all know she's going to win."

"Ron, the winner of HNTM doesn't win a crown," said Ginny.

Why do all the Weasleys talk in initials?" Harry wondered out loud.

"Huh?" said Ginny.

"Never mind."

"What does the winner get?" Ron asked.

"Just the title of being Hogwarts' Next Top Witch."

"That's all?"

"You can be blasé about some things, Ron, but not about Hogwarts' Next Top Witch! And there's a few galleons thrown in," Ginny added.

"Well, I must say I'm glad you're back," Molly spoke up. "I wasn't a fan of this little contest when I saw you girls in _The Daily Prophet, _barely wearing anything and groping poor Harry."

Ron snickered. "Yeah, poor Harry!"

Harry kicked him under the table.

"Ow!"

"Do you want me to tell her what you did?" he whispered?

"No, shut up!" Ron hissed.

"I was in the paper?" said Ginny. "Cool! Oh, guess who I met when I was in Sunnydale? Well, now it's obvious now that I said that. I met Buffy Summers!"

Harry looked incredulous. "You met Buffy Summers?"

"Yeah." Ginny winked at him. "Jealous, Harry?"

"Why does that name sound familiar?" asked Ron.

"She has her own Muggle TV show," Harry explained.

"Mum, if Hogwarts doesn't reopen, can I move to Sunnydale and go to Sunnydale High?" asked Ginny.

"What? Certainly not!" Molly exclaimed.

"I could help Buffy kill vampires. That was one of our tasks. I didn't win the challenge, Hermione did, but at least I didn't cry like a baby like Cho."

"You were killing vampires?" Molly looked outraged.

"Mum, Buffy is only four months older than me and that's her calling."

"Yes, but it's not yours. I can't believe Fleur had you girls do such a thing." Molly shook her head.

Ginny, finished with her breakfast, wiped her mouth with her napkin and got up. "Guess I better go unpack now."

As she headed upstairs with her luggage, Harry turned to Ron and quietly asked, "You're positive she's not going to find out about Arnold?"

"Relax," Ron assured him. "You know that pygmy puff we got is an exact replica of Arnold."

"What are you two whispering about?" Molly was pointing her wand at Ginny's dirty dishes as they levitated to the sink.

"Nothing, Mum!" Ron said quickly.

A few seconds later they heard the scream.

"RON!!"

"How did she find out so fast?" Ron hissed.

"RON, GET UP HERE! NOW!"

"You're coming with me!" Ron tugged at Harry's t-shirt. "She's less likely to kill me if you're in the room!"

"What on earth is going on?" Molly muttered as Harry and Ron cautiously headed upstairs.

Ron pushed Harry in front of him as they headed towards Ginny's room.

"Why do I have to be in the line of fire?" Harry exclaimed. He could see Ginny in her bedroom, holding the pygmy puff who wasn't Arnold in her hand.

"Oh, Ron, dear brother of mine," she called out in a sweet voice, "could you please come here?"

"Whatever it is you're about to blame me for, I just want you to know that Harry is as much to blame as I am!" Ron said as they neared Ginny's room.

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Okay, so maybe one of you can tell me what happened to Arnold." She glared at both of them as they stood in her doorframe.

"What are you talking about, Ginny?" Ron squeaked. "You're holding him!"

Ginny held out her palm she was holding the pygmy puff with. "This is NOT Arnold. Arnold was a male. This is a female." She turned the furry creature upside down for proof.

Harry closed his eyes and mentally face palmed himself. He hadn't even thought to check to see if the pygmy puff was the right gender.

"Uh, you see," Ron stuttered, "Harry and I, we were trying out some new magic-"

"Oh, save it!" Ginny snapped. "Tell me what happened to Arnold."

"Meow!"

At that moment, Crookshanks wrapped himself around Harry's ankles, purring loudly. Harry looked guilty down at the cat.

"Oh no!" Ginny cried. "He didn't! How did it happen?"

"It was Harry's fault!" Ron blurted out. "We were cleaning Arnold's cage, then Harry heard some awful Muggle music that Fred and George were playing and he insisted that we stop them. And then when we came back, Crookshanks was sitting on your bed and Arnold was…missing."

"So this all my fault now?" Harry demanded.

"Well, technically, yes," Ron replied. "You were the one who was holding Arnold and you put him on the bed when you heard the Muggle music."

"I didn't know Crookshanks was going to come into the room!"

Ginny closed her eyes for a second, then opened them. Ron imagined she was briefly counting to ten before she spoke again. "Let me get this straight: after Crookshanks ate Arnold, you two decided to get a look-alike and just hope that I didn't notice."

"Yep, that was pretty much the plan," Ron replied.

"Look, Ginny, we're really sorry," Harry cut in. He stepped into the room and took Ginny's hand. "It was a horrible accident and I wish we could turn back time and-" He stopped abruptly. "Maybe there is something we can do. The Time Turner!" He turned excitedly to Ron.

"Do you think that would work?" Ron asked doubtfully, also taking a tentative step into his sister's room. "And where would we get one?"

"Look, don't worry about it," Ginny said quickly. "I don't want you two going through some complicated time traveling just to save Arnold."

"I truly am sorry, Gin," Harry apologized again, "and if there's anyway I can make it up to you-"

He was interrupted by the sound of four loud pops from downstairs. _POP! POP! POP! POP! _

"Hey, Harry! Harry, where are you?"

Ginny frowned. "Is that Dean Thomas I hear?"

"Yeah." Ron rolled his eyes. "He and Seamus Finnigan started a boy band with Fred and George."

Ginny raised an eyebrow as she placed the pygmy puff back in Arnold's cage. "Well I certainly missed out on a few things while I was gone."

They heard clamoring on the stairs and seconds later the members of The Magic Boys were in Ginny's room.

"Ginny, you're back!" Dean said.

"Yes," she replied.

"Um, about that day on the Quidditch field, you see, I had a few too many butterbeers and I was feeling vulnerable and -"

She waved his words away. "Don't worry about it, Dean."

"Well, anyway," Dean straightened and turned to Harry. "Harry, I wanted to get your permission to use a song about you."

"About me? Why would you want to write a song about me?" asked Harry.

"Duh," said George. "You are The Boy Who Lived. Or have you forgotten that?"

"Our little modest Harry!" George pulled Harry's head under his armpit and rubbed his messy hair with his fist.

"Argh, get off," Harry said.

"I called it _The Chosen One of Hogwarts." _Dean turned to Fred, George, and Seamus. "Hit it!"

Harry, Ron, and Ginny watched half amused, half flabbergasted as Fred, George, and Seamus began to beatbox and Dean started to sing:

"_Now this is the story all about how_

_his life got flipped, turned upside down_

_and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there_

_I'll tell you how he became the Chosen One of a school called Hogwarts._

_In Little Whinging, Surrey, born and raised_

_in a cupboard where he spend most of his days."_

"Hang on," Harry said. "That sounds vaguely familiar. Isn't that a theme song from some Muggle TV show?"

"So?" Dean huffed.

"I don't know if I like the idea of a rap song about me. Sorry." Harry shrugged.

"You guys are so weird," Ginny muttered as Ron told them, "Don't quit your day jobs!"

-----------------------------------------

Hermione and Lavender discussed the possibilities of what their final challenge might be.

"Maybe we'll have some kind of obstacle course that will have us dealing with all the challenges we've done so far," Lavender said. "First we'll have to take a written test, then do a make-over, then play some Quidditch, go on those Witch-Sees."

"I hope not." Hermione shuddered. "There were plenty of tasks I do not want to do again. Besides, I think it will be something we haven't done before. Maybe some complicated Defense Against the Dark Arts moves."

"Didn't we already do that?" asked Lavender. "Slaying those vampires?"

Hermione shrugged. "Who knows what Fleur has in store for us?"

They soon found out, though, as Fleur knocked on their door moments later. "_Bonjour, bonjour!_" she greeted the two finalists. "I bet you girls are wondering what your last task eese going to be!"

"We were discussing possibilities," Hermione replied.

"Well, you can guess all you want, but you are never going to guess right!" Fleur was apparently bursting to tell them what their final challenge was going to be.

"Are you going to tell us?" Lavender asked after a few seconds of silence.

"_Mais oui_," Fleur replied. "For your final challenge you two weel be on ze game show _Ze Twenty-Five Zousand Dollar Pyramid_! I pulled some strings and got you girls in! Zey are 'aving a teen international tournament and you girls weel be one of ze teams!" She smiled brightly. "Of course, you weel 'ave to pretend you're Muggles, wheech won't be so 'ard for you, 'Ermione."

"You did what?" Hermione exclaimed as Lavender asked, "What's that?"

Fleur ignored Hermione completely. "Eet's a popular Muggle game show 'osted by a delightful lad named Donny Osmond. I'm sure 'Ermione eese familiar weeth ze rules and she can fill you een on zem." She looked at Hermione who nodded.

"_Tré s bien. _Ze show eese tomorrow. Ze weel ask you where you're from and where you go to school and your something interesting about yourself, so make sure you're zinking like a Muggle."

"But what does being on a game show have to do with being a Top Witch?" Hermione blurted out.

"Nothing, really," Fleur replied.

_Well, at least she's honest_, Hermione thought.

"I couldn't pass up zis once een a lifetime opportunity for you girls! And besides, eet can at least show 'oo eese a quick zinker and Muggle-savvy, wheech are very important traits for a Top Weetch."

"So whoever wins the game will win the competition?" asked Lavender.

Fleur shook her head. "_Non, non, non._ Since you two are on ze same team, you weel get ze same points. And Cyra and I are going to go zrough all ze tasks and see 'ow you've done een zose. Don't worry," she added when she saw Lavender's face, "eef you haven't won as many challenges as another person, zat doesn't matter. We evaluate everyzing."

---------------------------------------------

Early the next morning, Hermione, Lavender, Fleur, and Cyra arrived at the studio where _The $25,000 Pyramid _was filmed. Hermione had explained the rules to Lavender the night before and they had even had a few practice rounds and Lavender was confident she knew how to play.

They were whisked away to a room to get their make-up done. Hermione noticed a boy who could have been the love child of Harry and Draco. She almost giggled at the thought. He had messy blonde hair and wore wire-rim glasses. Sitting next to him, having powder brushed on the apples of her cheeks, was a girl of Asian descent with shiny black hair that she could almost sit on. They both looked about Hermione's and Lavender's age. They must have been their opponents.

Once everyone was ready, they were ushered out onto the stage where Hermione and Lavender sat on one platform with swiveling chairs and the other two teenagers sat at the platform next to theirs. Lights went on and the studio audience in front of them shushed.

"And in five, four, three, two..one," a man with a clipboard called out.

Donny Osmond ran up on stage, a big grin plastered on his face. "Hello! And welcome to this special addition of _The $25,000 Pyramid! _I'm your host, Donny Osmond and we've got a great show for you today, folks! Not only is it teen week, but it's also international teen week! Today it's the Americans versus the Brits!"

The audience cheered wildly, most likely for their fellow Yanks.

"Let's meet the Americans, shall we?" Donny walked over to the first podium, looking at his note cards. "Jimmy Faragamo and Reiko Hanoi are both students at John Adams High School in Sacramento, California. Jimmy, you're sixteen and Reiko, you're seventeen, is that right?"

The two teenagers nodded.

Donny consulted his note cards again. "Jimmy, one of your favorite hobbies is making model air planes. Tell us a little more about that."

"Yes." Jimmy poked the center of his glasses with his finger and slip them back up on his face. "I've been making model air planes since I was seven years old. My uncle Rob got me started on it when he gave me my first modeling kit that Christmas. I have since then made 250 model airplanes."

"Wow! That is impressive!" Donny turned towards Reiko. "Reiko, it says here that you are fluent in Japanese."

Reiko said a string of words in Japanese.

"Okay, I don't even know what you just said!" Donny Osmond laughed. "Do any of you guys know what she said?" he asked the audience.

"Nooo!" they chorused.

"I said that my parents grew up in Japan and I lived there until I was three and my parents and grandparents taught me the language," Reiko replied.

"Very remarkable. And that's not an easy language to learn!" Donny started towards the other platform where Hermione and Lavender sat. "And now let's meet our British contestants." He flipped to the next note card. "Lavender Brown and - help me pronounce this, dear. Her-moyne? Her-mee-oni? Hermy-own? Herm-own-ninny?"

"Her-my-oh-nee," Hermione said slowly and clearly, having déjà vu of when Viktor Krum had trouble pronouncing her name when they went to the Yule Ball together.

"Thank you. Lavender Brown and Hermione Granger are students at a private school in Scotland called Hogwarts Academy. Hermione is seventeen and Lavender is sixteen."

They nodded. Back in the greenroom, when Hermione was told to write something interesting about herself and give it to the producer, she had pondered over what to say. She thought about mentioning that both of her parents were dentists, but it wasn't really that interesting, and besides, it was more about her parents than about her. She had considered writing that she was the top of her class, but that seemed a little conceited. Just at the last second, she knew what she wanted to write.

"Hermione, this is a very interesting fact about you," Donny continued. "You were best friends with your current boyfriend and even before you became friends, you didn't get along?"

"No, we had our differences, but something happened and we bonded over it." She knew she couldn't go into details about the troll from first year.

Luckily there wasn't much time and Donny had turned to Lavender. "Well, this is interesting. Lavender, you used to date Hermione's boyfriend."

"Yes," Lavender replied coldly. "Until he dumped me for her!" She glared at Hermione.

Donny laughed nervously. "Well, that's something you don't see everyday, is it folks? Two girls who dated the same guy competing together on _The $25,000 Pyramid._"

The audience chuckled.

"We'll start the game right after this break!"

"And cut to commercial!" the director called.

Everyone got settled into position.

"And we're back in five, four three, two-"

The theme song started playing.

"Welcome back!" Donny said, beaming into the camera. "And it's time to start the game. Jimmy and Reiko, you're going to be the first to play. Your categories are Things That Start With the Letter T, Things That are Red, Magical and Mythical Creatures, Musical Instruments, The Periodic Table, and Blast From the Past." As he read each one, there was a _ding! _as a box turned around to reveal the name he had just read.

The American team opted for Musical Instruments. Reiko would be giving the clues while Jimmy tried to answer them.

"Remember, you have thirty seconds to get all seven right," Donny reminded them. "Time on the clock, please."

The clock started and the game began. Lavender watched closely to make sure she really did understand the game. By the end of thirty second, they had gotten six right.

"The one you missed was a harpsichord," Donny told Jimmy. "Harpsichord. But six isn't a bad start. Now it's time for our British team to play."

It was already decided that Hermione would be the first to read the clues and Lavender try to guess them. She knew immediately which category they wanted. "We'll take Magical and Mythical Creatures."

The clock started and the first word to appear before Hermione on the screen in front of her was "unicorn."

"Okay, this is usually all white-"

"Unicorn!" Lavender shrieked.

"Yes." The next word to appear was "giant." "This is a very tall person, usually lives deep in the forest-"

"Hagrid!" Lavender shouted. "Uh, I mean a giant," she said quickly.

"Right." Hermione would have given her a sharp look, except for the fact that they were on a time limit. The next word was "peagus." "This is a flying creature-"

"Hippogriff!" Lavender cried.

"No, without wings it would be a horse."

"Oh, peagus."

Another _ding! _sounded. The next word to appear was "leprechaun." "This is a small creature with almost human characteristics-"

"A house elf!" Lavender said confidently.

"No, they're usually associated with rainbows."

"Oh, what do you call them? Leprechaun!"

"Yes." Hermione had to refrain from rolling her eyes when the next word popped up. "Half-human, half-horse."

"Firenze." Lavender sighed dreamily. "Um, I mean a centaur."

Hermione took a quick look at the clock. Fifteen seconds and two more words to go. The next word was "dragon." "It's really big, breathes fire -"

"A Hungarian Horntail!" Lavender cried. Hermione shook her head. "Uh, a Norwegian Ridgeback? Chinese Fireball?" The sound effect indicating she had guessed right still hadn't dinged. "Common Welsh Green?" Lavender kept guessing. "Swedish Short-Snout?"

"What are they?" Hermione hissed.

"Oh." Lavender laughed, feeling silly. "Dragons!"

The _ding! _went off. The last word to appear was "Gollum." Hermione knew there was no way Lavender would ever get this. She wouldn't even know what to say, it had been awhile since she last read _The Lord of the Rings. _But before she could open her mouth, the buzzer went off. Lavender has spent the last of their precious seconds trying to guess the last one.

"And we're tied," Donny said. "Both teams now have six points. And it's back to the Americans."

This time Jimmy rattled off clues while Reiko tried to guess them. They had picked The Periodic Table and didn't do so well, only getting one right.

"Let's see how well our British team does with their next round," Donny said, speaking into the camera as he went over to Lavender, who would now be giving the clues, and Hermione, who would be trying to guess what they were. "Which category would you like?"

"Blast From the Past!" Lavender blurted out. "That sounds like fun!"

Donny laughed. "It sure does! Especially if you love the '80s. All the clues you give your partner are associated with the '80s."

_Merlin help me, _Hermione though. She prayed that Lavender knew enough about that decade from her Muggle cousin. As if Lavender was reading her mind, she gave Hermione a little wink before the clock started.

"Uh…okay, she's a very famous Mug- uh, I mean she's a famous British singer."

"Madonna!" Hermione cried as the _ding! _sounded, not even bothering to mention that Madonna wasn't British.

"Oh, I've heard of this. It's like a square toy thingy-"

"Rubik's Cube!"

"I think this is a movie about a duck-"

A loud buzzer went off.

"Sorry, Lavender, that doesn't count, you said one of the words in the clue," Donny said. "But the clock is still running!"

"Um, okay…oh, my cousin had one of these! You put these pegs and made designs."

"Lite-Brite!" Hermione shouted.

"This is a movie, about a group of kids, very popular-"

"_The Goonies_?" Hermione guessed.

Lavender shook her head. "No, the kids are older, about our age."

"_The Breakfast Club_!"

Lavender nodded, beginning to speak faster. "This is what people used for their hair-"

The buzzer went off indicating the time had ended.

"Good round you two," Donny told them. "Lavender and Hermione are now in the lead with ten points and Jimmy and Reiko have seven points. Can they catch up to them? Stay tuned after this break!" He pointed his finger at the camera.

"How do you know so much about the '80s?" asked Hermione.

"My cousin," Lavender explained. "She was born in 1975 and practically lived for the '80s." She shrugged. "I guess we got lucky."

They weren't so lucky the next round. The American team chose Things That are Red for their final category and got all of them right, giving them a total of 14 points. All Hermione and Lavender needed were five more points to take them to the Winner's Circle. They were left with the last category, Things That Start With the Letter T with Hermione giving the clues, and unfortunately Lavender had no idea what a tractor, telegram, or tyrannosaurus rex was. She had never heard of Tennessee and didn't know what transsexual meant. The only word she did get right was "tea leaves" because Hermione had used the key word "divination."

"I'm sorry," Donny said after the buzzer sounded. "You only got one right and that gives you a total of eleven points, which means that Jimmy and Reiko are going to the Winner's Circle!"

Since Hermione and Lavender were no longed needed in the studio, they were ushered out with a parting gift of a t-shirt and hat.

"Well, I guess we'll see who's going to be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch later this evening," Lavender said to Hermione who nodded.

"May the best witch win," she answered.

-----------------------------------

"Allo, and welcome to ze final judging," Fleur said to Hermione and Lavender as they stood before the her and Cyra. "You two 'ave come a long way, but zere can only be one winner."

"One winner," Cyra whispered.

"Because we know you ze best, zere weel be no guest judges," Fleur continued. "We 'ave been weeth you zroughout zis competition and we are ze ones 'oo know you best."

"We're practically your best girlfriends!" Cyra exclaimed.

"We're going to be evaluating all of ze challenges you 'ave participated een seence day one, so we'll start weeth ze first one. Zis was when you had to take a test about 'Ogwarts' 'istory. 'Ermione, unsurprisingly, you got all ze answers right. Lavender, you scored 'igh enough zat I am confident you 'ave somewhat paid attention in your 'Istory of Magic classes.

"Your next challenge was ze make-over. "Now, 'Ermione, while you won zat challenge, we were equally impressed weeth you, Lavender. You really know 'ow to take care of your new 'air and you 'ave always looked fantastic at each judging. 'Ermione, you can be a little…stiff een zee way you dress sometimes. Remember, a Top Weetch eese a trend-setter. She eese setting an example of Cyra and myself as well.

"Ze zird task involved ze nonverbal task. 'Ermione, you did ze best, but Lavender, you also did very well and I zink you could get better eef you practiced even more. Zen you 'ad ze next challenge. Now, 'Ermione, ze Quidditch challenge was probably your worst one."

Hermione nodded in agreement. "I'm not very athletic."

"Zat's okay, as long as a Top Weetch eese enthusiastic about ze sport," Fleur said.

_I'm not that either_, Hermione thought.

"Lavender, you weren't ze best player out zere either," Fleur went on, "but at least you went up 'igher in ze air and you stayed een ze game longer zan 'Ermione and you could easily catch ze balls zat were zrown at you."

"Well, I did take Ballet on a Broom," Lavender said, trying not to look smugly at Hermione.

"Ze challenge after zat was when you 'ad to perform at ze Magic Shack. Lavender, you won zat challenge. A Top Weetch must be spontaneous, and you are very spontaneous."

Lavender smiled.

"Hermione, you looked a little nervous up there on stage," Cyra said.

"I was," Hermione replied, hoping she didn't sound snippy.

"Zen we 'ad ze Weetch-Sees 'Ermione, you won ze challenge weeth seven points, ze most out of anybody else. Lavender, you were een ze bottom two zat week weeth only four points. You were lucky to stay een zat week since Luna only got zree points."

Lavender cast her eyes down. This time Hermione found it difficult not to be smug.

"Ze next challenge - and probably your most difficult - eese when you helped slay vampires een Sunnydale weeth Buffy Summers. She was very impressed weeth you, 'Ermione. She said you were a quick learner. Lavender, you weren't too shabby yourself. You did manage to kill two vampires, one weeth some 'elp, but not an easy feat, nevertheless.

"Ze next task wasn't really a challenge, I 'ad a one-on-one weeth each of you Both of you 'ad great zings to say. Lavender, I especially liked 'ow you said you wanted to be a role model for ozzer young weetches and I was very flattered zat you zink of me as a role model."

_Ah, so that's why she won that challenge, _thought Hermione.

"'Ermione, you are a very intelligent weetch and eet clearly shows. I admire you for wanting to show people what you can do on your own and not relying on knowing ze great 'Arry Potter. And finally, your last challenge was just for fun, somezing you two can remember for ze rest of your lives," Fleur finished.

Hermione doubted she wouldn't even remember being on _The $25,000 Pyramid _five months from now, but decided to keep that piece of information to herself.

"You both did very well considering the circumstances," Cyra agreed.

"Now, eef you excuse us, Cyra and I 'ave to deliberate. Eet eese very vital to go over every piece of information, so eef you weel please wait outside until you are called back een and zen we weel announce 'oo weel be 'Ogwarts'. Next. Top. Weetch." Fleur blinked as she articulated each word.

Hermione and Lavender nodded and exited the Judging Room.

--------------------------------------

"We should make a cake for Hermione," Ginny said to Ron and Harry as they helped Molly clear the table after dinner. "She's coming home tomorrow. And she'll be wearing the crown declaring her Hogwarts' Next Top Witch!"

"I thought you said the winner doesn't win a crown." Ron grinned.

"Well, metaphorically speaking, of course." Ginny grinned back.

"A cake is a great idea, Gin," Harry said. "We could also make a banner to hang up. It could say "Congruatlions, Hermione!" Or "Congrulations on becoming Hogwarts' Next Top Witch, Hermione!"

"I like the way you think, Potter," said Ginny.

"You should really be in the final two, Ginny," said Harry. "Words can't express how wrong it is that you're not there, but Lavender still is."

"True," agreed Ginny, "but the way I see it, it's a blessing that I'm still not in the competition."

"It is?" said Ron. "Why?"

"Because then who would you root for, dear brother? Your girlfriend or your favorite sibling of all time?" Ginny grinned.

"Hmm, that's a tough one, let me think about it," Ron replied in mock pondering.

----------------------------------

After fifteen minutes of waiting, Hermione and Lavender were summoned back into the Judging Room.

"Welcome back," Cyra greeted the girls. She was smiling, but Fleur was wearing a solemn expression, her hands folded on the table in front of her.

"Cyra and I 'ave been discussing zis very meticulously," she said, as though she were talking to a council of important world leaders instead of two teenaged girls, "and we both agree zat ze decision was very difficult. While you both 'ave ze zest and qualifications to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch, remember zat zere eese only one winner."

Lavender took a deep breath.

"'Ermione, zere eese no doubt you are one of ze smartest weetches to ever attend 'Ogwarts', eef not ze smartest one 'oo 'as ever attended 'Ogwarts'! And eef zis was 'Ogwarts' Smartest Weetch, you would no doubt win zat title. You won an impressive five challenges. 'Owever, just being a bright weetch eesn't everzing. You lack self confidence. Lavender, you 'ave a lot of zat and I 'ave loved your enthusiasm zroughout ze competition. While you are a smart girl, you could stand to brush up on your skeels." Fleur produced a crystal ball. "Een ten seconds, ze face of 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch will appear een zis orb."

A few seconds later, a blob started to appear and that blob quickly coagulated into an image of Lavender.

"Lavender, congratulations, you are 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch!" Fleur announced with a huge smile.

"REALLY!" screamed Lavender. "I WON?"

Fleur nodded.

"I WON! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"

"Me neither," Hermione muttered. Everyone had thought she would win, even Lavender had assumed Hermione would win.

"Lavender, you emulate what a Top Weetch should be. You 'ave ze drive, ze passion, ze enthusasim, ze want to make ze magical world a better place for weetches!"

Lavender turned and hugged Hermione. She was crying. Hermione patted her back. "Congratulations, Lavender."

_Okay, so tecnically I found that the $25,000 Pyramid didn't run in 1997 and Donny Osmond didn't host the show until 2002, but I hope nobody is too nitpicky about that! Also, stay tuned for the epilogue! _


	11. Epilogue

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Epilogue

_"Bad Day_"_ belongs to Daniel Powter, and yes, I blatantly stole the ending from the "American Idol" results shows. I'd like to thank those of you who read my story, and double thanks to those of you who read AND reviewed my story. I really appreciate it each and every review. _

"Congratulations!"

As soon as Hermione entered the Burrow, Ron, Harry, and Ginny had leapt in front of her, huge smiles on all of their faces. There were red and gold balloons and streamers scattered behind them. A banner hung across the room with the words "Hermione is Hogwarts' Next Top Witch!" no doubt created moments before her arrival with a magic paintbrush, although somebody forgot to use a drying spell for gold paint was dripping down the letters. Ginny was holding a chocolate cake that had "Congratulations, Hermione!" written in red icing.

"Welcome back, Hermione." Ron leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek.

"Wow, you guys did all this for me?" Hermione asked.

"Of course!" said Harry. "We wanted to give you a proper greeting. So how does it feel to be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?"

"I don't know," Hermione said as she pushed past Ron and Harry, "why don't you ask her?" She plopped down onto the middle cushion of the couch.

Ron, Harry, and Ginny swiveled around to face her, the smiles on their faces replaced by completely different expressions: confusion for Ginny, shock for Harry, and outrage for Ron.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Ginny asked.

"I didn't win," Hermione replied simply. "Lavender did."

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Ron.

"But how?" said Ginny.

Hermione shrugged. "That's just the way it is, I guess."

"'That's just the way it is'?" Harry repeated. "Hermione, you are one of the most - no, scratch that - you ARE the most competitive person I know. And all you have to say is, 'That's just the way it is'?"

"Oh, I was upset at first, and I still am a little," Hermione admitted. "But I'm not that surprised. Fleur told me that if it were Hogwarts' Smartest Witch, I'd win that without any question. Lavender was the girl she was looking for to win the competition. Fleur liked that she was the most enthusiastic about it. And you know how large Fleur's ego is." Hermione looked at Ginny. "When we had the one-on-ones, Lavender told Fleur that she was her role model."

"I knew it!" Ginny cried. She glanced down at the cake and said, "I'm going to fix this"

and headed to the kitchen.

Harry and Ron each took a seat on either side of Hermione

"So Lavender won because she sucked up to Fleur?" said Harry.

"Well, that was part of it," Hermione replied.

"I still think it's bullocks," Ron grumbled as Hermione squeezed his hand.

"Think of it this way," said Harry. "Anyone can be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch, but not anyone can defeat the Dark Lord!"

"But that's not true, Harry," Hermione said, frowning at him. "There can only be one winner of Hogwarts' Next Top Witch as Fleur has reiterated again and again.And I'm not the only one helping you to deafeat You-Know-Who, you know. You have Ron and Ginny and the rest of the Weasleys, Remus and Tonks, the Order…"

"Okay, okay, okay, I know!" Harry interrupted her. "I was only trying to make you feel better."

Hermione smiled. "I'm sorry, I know you were. Tell you what: I'll give you a do-over."

"Thank you." Harry cleared his throat. "As I was saying, anyone can be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch, but not anyone can defeat the Dark Lord, right?" He held up his hand.

"Right," Hermione replied with a grin as she gave him a high-five.

-------------------------------------

_Where is the moment when needed the most? _

:::clip of all ten girls grumbling as they hand their wands over to Fleur:::

_You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost _

:::clip of the girls gasping in horror as they realize Professor Crunk is one of their judges:::

_You tell me your blue sky's fade to grey _

:::clip of Susan looking annoyed as Luna opens Horace Hufflepuff's cell:::

_  
You tell me your passion's gone away _

:::clip of Ginny screaming "Shut up!" to Susan on the bus:::

_  
And I don't need no carryin' on  
_:::clip of Susan being the first girl eliminated from the competition:::

_  
You stand in the line just to hit a new low _

:::clip of Hermione looking indignant at the idea of getting a make-over:::

_  
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go _

:::clip of Lavender and Pansy screaming from the chemicals being put into their hair:::

_  
You tell me your life's been way off line _

:::clip of Hermione looking revolted as Ginny and Luna show her a pink hoodie and rainbow belt she should try on:::

_  
You're falling to pieces everytime _

:::clip of Ginny throwing a remote at Pansy while playing Truth or Dare:::

_  
And I don't need no carryin' on _

:::clip of Parvati being the second girl eliminated from the competition:::

Cause you had a bad day  
You're taking one down

:::clip of Pansy finding her mutilated brownies and freaking out:::

_  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around  
You say you don't know  
You tell me don't lie _

:::clip of Pansy accusing Ginny of writing in her brownies and Ginny screaming back:::

_  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day  
The camera don't lie _

:::clip of Cho pointing to RESPEITO on her shirt:::

_  
You're coming back down and you really don't mind  
You had a bad day  
You had a bad day _

:::clip of Romilda being the third girl eliminated from the competition:::

Well you need a blue sky holiday

:::clip of Cho looking incredulously at Ginny's Gushi Chiaki:::

_  
The point is they laugh at what you say  
And I don't need no carryin' on _

:::clip of Hermione being the first eliminated from Quidditch Dodgeball:::_  
_  
_You had a bad day  
You're taking one down  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around _

:::clip of Dean Thomas falling off the ledge of the commentator's box:::

_  
You say you don't know  
You tell me don't lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride _

:::clip of The Sultans of Swing victoriously celebrating their win over The Black Mambas:::

_  
You had a bad day  
The camera don't lie _

:::clip of Padma being the fourth girl eliminated from the competition:::

_You're coming back down and you really don't mind  
You had a bad day _

:::clip of Pansy looking offended at being the elephant for the interpretive dance exercise:::

Sometimes the system goes on the blink  
And the whole thing it turns out wrong

:::clip of Cho trying to get across the room as a snake during the interpretive dance exercise:::

_  
You might not make it back and you know  
That you could be well oh that strong  
And I'm not wrong _

:::clip of Hermione spotting Ron and Harry at the Magic Shack:::

So where is the passion when you need it the most  
Oh you and I  
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

:::clip of Lavender giving Ron a lap dance:::_  
_  
_Cause you had a bad day _  
_You're taking one down _

:::clip of Pansy being screamed at by Fleur and being the fifth girl eliminated from the competition:::

_  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around _

:::clip of Hermione and Lavender both trying to get to Transfigurations at the same time

for the Witch-Sees:::

_  
You say you don't know _

:::clip of Ginny just barely beating Cho to Charms for the Witch-Sees:::

_  
You tell me don't lie _

::clip of Hagrid telling Luna to leave his cabin during the Witch-Sees:::

_  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day _

:::clip of Luna being the sixth girl eliminated from the competition:::

_  
You see what you like  
And how does it feel for one more time _

:::clip of Cho in slow motion being captured by a vampire:::

_  
You had a bad day _

:::clip of Cho tossing holy water at a vampire, but missing:::

_You had a bad day _

:::clip of Cho being the seventh girl eliminated from the competition::::

Had a bad day

:::clip of Ginny being the eight girl eliminated from the competition:::

_  
Had a bad day_  
:::clip of Hermione being the ninth girl eliminated from the competition::

THE END


End file.
